Is it really bad to have no friends?
Depends on who you're asking. The average NT would view it as something very bad.
As far as I know loners tend to die at a younger age.
http://search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=A0o ... 1&ei=UTF-8
Yes, if it makes you unhappy. I have about four proper friends but I don't see them. I am very sad. I don't feel like doing things on my own, so I hardly go out. So for me, having no friends is a bad thing because it makes me very unhappy.
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I don't have Aspergers, I'm just socially inept
Dodgy circuitry! Diagnosed: Tourette syndrome. Suspected: auditory processing disorder, synaesthesia. Also: social and organisation problems. Heteroromantic asexual (though still exploring)
Classmate, co-worker, contact-acquaintance... its how I categorize people. But as far as having someone that I enjoy being with/hang out/ do stuff ... never.
Bad? I think it is. Even though I do no like to socialize it doesn't mean one does not feel alone even when surrounded by people.
I think the closest I've come to enjoying being with a bunch of people (classmates at the time) was when I used to play paintball. ![]()
elderwanda
Veteran
Joined: 17 Nov 2008
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,534
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
I'm learning that it's a real disadvantage to have no connections. There seems to be this social networking thing that people do, so when they need something, from the name of a good plumber to someone who will come and watch the kids, all they have to do is make a few phone calls. I have one friend, aside from my husband. That's my social network. One person. People start business ventures, and do all kinds of things in life, through their social connections. That's a concept that I've only just begun to realize.
In college (which I did as a "mature" student), I majored in anthropology for some daft reason, and I kept getting these horrific assignments where I had to go and interview people. I remember having to find someone from India to interview. Well, thank goodness there just happened to be a guy at my husband's job who was on loan from their branch in India. How else would I have found this person? It seemed like everyone else in the class just made a list of all the people they know from India and just chose one.
If you google "How many people do you know?" you'll get things like, "How many people do you know who wear sparkly barrettes in their hair and chew with their mouth open?" It's just assumed that you know far too many people to count so that question isn't even addressed.
Okay, so I haven't exactly answered the question. I'm not sure if it's always bad to have no friends. My definition of "friend" is pretty narrow. If I ever think, "I'd like to call ---- and tell her about ----" then it's a friend. There have been like three people in my whole life who I felt that way about.
Right now I have 2 people who fit into that definition (which happens to be my own too); one is my ex,we're friends and we work at the same place again. Like back then we fight; but she fights to make me understand and i fight to understand. It's a dynamic that tires us both sometimes, but I'm very thankfull that she bothers to try. The second lives on the other hemisphere, but no matter what i tell her, she comes back with a comment that puts a smile on her face; and that friendship works both ways.
I used to have 5, but i neglegted 2 and the 3rd has changed from being someone I could talk to/do things into someone who I only hear from when his computer is on the fritz.
I regret losing the other 2, as (imho) there is a difference between wanting/needing to be alone and feeling alone.
Feeling alone is what really scares me, but as long as I want to be alone I'm fine.
I go through stages regarding friends. If I'm up to it, I'll try out a meetup.com group, otherwise I'm fine with my PC, TV, and video games. The nicest people I've met were at the Abundia size acceptance retreat, which really says something for those people who are size prejudice. They're missing out on having fun with a lot of nice people!
richardbenson
Xfractor Card #351
Joined: 30 Oct 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,553
Location: Leave only a footprint behind
absolutely. yes at one time i didnt think it was a big deal not having friends but that has since erroded away. i can only act so hard for so long without it eventually destroying my life
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Winds of clarity. a universal understanding come and go, I've seen though the Darkness to understand the bounty of Light
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