Trying to level the social playing field?

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I'm just curious how common this is among people with social ineptitude. That you greatly feel the need to display yourself as above average in terms of say appearance, or skills, intelligence, physical fitness, etc, in an attempt to increase your chances of attracting other people to like you or be your friend. To put it more simply, improving your non-social characteristics so that others will notice you more, and associate more positive things about you. Sort of leveling the playing field so to speak.

I would be lying if I didn't say I tried. I met a few good friends.

I have a full ritual I go through in the morning just for that very reason. I make sure I have adequately groomed myself, choked down a bowl of oatmeal and banana, a cup of manditory coffee and get myself to work. I watch others stream in not even as prepared for the day and see them effortlessly interact with co workers and clients, while I try to keep up as best I can.

I love it when I can go home and be as disheveled as I please with no one to impress but the cat, who is wonderously indifferent.

Merle

I've attempted to do this in the past, but I found that leveling the playing field was like trying to level a cliff.

Maybe.
When I bleach my hair I look almost exactly like your current avatar when you posted this.
More people seem to talk to me and be friendlier then.

Stereotype: "Blondes have more fun" (regardless of intelligence) - maybe so

Wealth is a great equalizer.

For the longest time, I thought that if I were really talented and intelligent, that people would like me, and that I would also be more attractive to men. I was obsessed with being "talented" and good at what I do- (which was also my special interest)- so I was incredibly driven! I was convinced that this was the way to draw people to me. In addition, in conversation I would try to show them how intelligent I was by demonstrating my supposed expertise in certain subjects, often correcting the people when they spoke, to show my own intelligence. ( )
Needless to say, this did not go over well, but I had to learn the hard way.

At some point, it slowly dawned on me that people actually liked each other for different reasons. Like it so often was with me, I just was on the wrong track. When I made that discovery, I decided to "lighten up", and didn´t try to impress anyone anymore. What´s interesting, is that people seem to be more impressed these days. In my own personal experience, it´s been true that developing talents has drawn certain people (not everybody) to me, but that only works if I am humble and natural about what I do.

Actually, I think one of the things that works best in developing friendships is showing a genuine interest in the person, and worrying less about yourself. At least, this seems to work for me. (But being talented doesn´t hurt, ha ha!)

beauty, too.

Merle

sinsboldy that sounds like a wonderful morning.

i never plan for my days, i just let things happen to me and then i react

Sometimes I also feel, because I am different and know I am different, that I must do or be something great in my life. Otherwise my rationale would be that I am different in a worse way, rather than a better way. It's hard to convince myself that differences can be neutral, and not be either good or bad...

I wish. People are constantly telling me I'm pretty, but at the end of the day they still pick on me. I don't even like how I look anyway, but hey, nobody ever does.

As for wealth, no first-hand experience. But I can see how it would help if people won't cross you cos you have a hot tub or whatever.

I did that for years, richardbenson, and a lot happened but none of it very predictable. I like the rigidity of the routine, I find comfort in the sameness where I don't have to think about where I am going to sleep at night or how I am going to feed myself.

I hear from Temple Grandin an Autistic should be plugged into the real world for at least 40 hour a week, and counting riding the bus ( a cop busted me for riding the scooter with just a learner's permit so I parked the scoot for the winter) that is how long I plug into the world, working pays for me being free. And it keeps me functioning. At least for now.

Merle

I´ve felt this way my whole life! Even though I only found out about AS recently, and am still undiagnosed...it was that "difference" thing.

I also feel that because I am not in a relationship- ("single" is the most consistent state of my life)- that I have to do other great things to show that I´m good enough, or something.

This is one reason why I struggle to get over relationships, and when one is over, I try relentlessly to find someone else until I am no longer single again. I am jealous of people who can be single and not feel wrecked all the time, just kind of take in stride somewhat. I get it in my head that I have to prove that I'm not a loser or something... I used to be quite nonchalant about all of this before I discovered love, slightly late, around age 19 or so. Now during the times I am single, fooling around from time to time merely makes me depressed as opposed to excited.

When I was a kid growing up, I never knew I had a problem. I just assumed I was a shy kid and that I would grow out of it once I learned how not to be shy. This is why I've never been diagnosed. It wasn't until my late teens that I started trying to shed the shyness and hang around people for a change. Now that I know the shyness is gone, I begin to realize that wasn't the problem all along... Physical proximity and conversations actually make me physically uncomfortable, it was never nervousness. And once I began participating in real group situations, I realized I couldn't keep up with conversations and the like.

It's so much more depressing, than just thinking you have some character flaws and you'd be fine if only you did something about them, to actually get rid of those flaws and better yourself in every way you possibly can, successfully, and then realize you have problems underneath that you are NOT able to fix, and probably never will be able to.

being in your late fifties when medical science finally caught up with you and you realize that all your life was one chaotic relationship after another, thousands of crazy situations, unfortunate question and responses, and the failure of not being able to go the distance was not all your fault (as was thought when it was endlessly pointed out to you) but how your brain works when running free range in the NT world all your life.

be thankful for all the years you have in front of you, knowing the truth!

Merle

That is true. Thank you.