Been in a classic urban legend

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I was emailing back and forth someone at work with another person cc'd in but was having difficulty understanding what the other person wanted, when I got an IM saying "Grr he's so annoying". She spotted teh slip right away but tried to pretend she was talking about someone else who wasn't in the conversation and female. She was clearly talking about me, now I know these things happen, people complain about eachother all the time without really meaning anything by it. Trick is she's quite insistent about this story, I think the classy thing to do would be to pretend to believe it, but I don't know how to without sounding hideously sarcastic. I've already left it a bit long now, but would it be better to just say "if it was about me then it's okay, I'm not going taking offense" or do I try to go along with it and try not to say anything that betrays how absurd I think it is?

In this case, I think 'hideously sarcastic' is pretty acceptible behaviour, although it may not have the best results

If she's not going to have the guts to apologise, there's no point in drawing it out any further, so I would suggest forgetting about it if it's been going on for a while.

If she brings it up again, smile and apologise for the 'misunderstanding' and let the matter drop. If it helps, try to feel genuinly sorry for her, that she hasn't the guts to say things to your face

It's quite likely that she does feel very embarrassed about the situation (hence her refusal to own up), in which case, letting her off the hook will make her see you in a better light (for a while anyway). It may also put you in good stead with other co-workers (who probably know full-well what's going on, but want to avoid a scene).

The ultra sarcastic route would probably feel better at the time, and a lot of people would do that, but it's a pyrrhic victory, as she'll just get p-ed off and continue bitching behind your back.

edit: oops, didn't spot the question at the end, sorry. I don't know, telling her you don't mind would work well with an aspie or a straight-forward person, but with someone repeatedly refusing to admit to it, then she's not going to change her story and might get really annoyed at the fact that you keep trying to 'imply' that she was talking about you...

just remember this; everything you say in a work email is automatically viewable by your supervisor, data security, or any part of management that wants to take a look.

The American system, at least, grants no right of privacy to work communications, including email, chat, etc. Don't say anything in an email you wouldn't want your boss to know.

What I do in situations like these is to either meet with the person (casually, of course), or over the phone.So far, there's no record of a visit, and they don't tap the phones (at least not yet...
Whatever's more comfortable.

If you can find out what you're doing that she finds annoying, it's information you can have when having to deal with her. Take it as constructive criticism (unless she goes too far), and next time you deal with her, things might go more smoothly.

She has brought it up again, in email, I think she's embarrassed to face to face. Hopefully if I'm brief enough I can accept it without coming across as insincere. I guess she'll know I'm being insincere anyway since she didn't leave room for ambiguity so hopefully she'll leave a little room on my part. Fortunately my boss is pretty understanding of my difficulties here, so as long as I'm trying I'm safe even if she does read anything, though our work policy only really allows that if the volume of emails hits a set threshhold anyway.

There's basically two options.

The sarcastic route puts this coworker in a terribly awkward position, where they are obliged to feel bad (and most likely honestly do feel bad) and there is little they can do to retaliate because they were clearly in the wrong and have no "leverage" in this situation. Indeed, they aren't likely to even try to retaliate because they hope to gain forgiveness and forget that this slip ever occurred. However, depending on their personality, these normal rules may not apply to them. There are some people who have a remarkable capacity for indignation even when they are in the wrong. It's sort of a way of negating any leverage you have over them, but these types of people are generally unpleasant regardless of circumstance.

The second option is forgiveness, understanding, and attempt at reconciliation. This is the kinder option and more likely to endear you to your coworkers. It also displays a level of maturity and magnanimity that will set you apart.

The first option is more fun, but the second option is a better idea.

The thing is I don't actually plan to be deliberately sarcastic, it's just in pretending to believe something I really don't it's very likely to come out as sarcastic no matter how hard I try to be sincere.

Could you draft out a reply and get a family member to proof-read it before you send it to her? Alternatively, you could post one up here.

I think you're right to keep it short and simple. I wouldn't worry about sounding sarcastic: emails are often misinterpreted, so as long as you're polite, she can chose to interpret it any way she likes.