nervous

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i am nervous about people i know.when i meet them i don't find anything to talk about.
does this happen to you?

Yes, I am very nervous around most people. The way I cope with 'socializing' when I first meet people is to mostly have THEM lead the conversation. I just follow along, agree, or disagree....add a comment which I think fits, and most of my comments are NOT social cliches, but my actual thoughts and analysis. What I mean is...I don't have a social script that automatically plays....I have to make things up as I go along and that is VERY stressful. I think neurotypicals have automatic social interaction recordings in their brains that they replay, whereas I have to depend on the thoughts that create themselves in my mind in some sort of constantly creative reactionary mode, which is never smooth because of the *unease* I experience while partaking of social conversations. In short, I am not sure that people know exactly how to handle me in a conversation because I am NOT PREDICTABLE......often I prefer silence, and the equilibrium of a balanced uninhibited inner self. People in social interaction feel it (social interaction) as an end in itself, whereas I do not FEEL it that way. It feels more to me like a set of obstacles where the basic result is I am NOT understood AT ALL. And because I never feel understood, I ask myself....what really, for me, is the point of interaction?

I'm the same. Sometimes I feel talking to strangers to be less painful. At least you have an excuse when you don't say much. Talking to some people I know tends to always expose my social ineptness.

I wanna blue......said "I'm the same. Sometimes I feel talking to strangers to be less painful. At least you have an excuse when you don't say much. Talking to some people I know tends to always expose my social ineptness."

I totally understand that....what I noticed is......the more I am around people the more I am able to 'brush anxiety off' in order to find my 'comfort zone'. In short, I take the pressure off of myself CONSCIOUSLY, and I do this by saying.....to myself....'in the scope of life IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER THAT MUCH HOW WELL I DO SOCIALLY'....that's my 'main' coping mechanism after years of 'feelings of failure'.....it took me being in an extremely 'social' oriented environment (art gallery) to TEACH MYSELF that OUTLOOK is the primary mechanism for not having to be debilitated by anxiousness and escapist feelings of failure in my struggles to accomodate social interaction. A theory I have is....inside of me is this tendency to need 'perfectionistic equilibrium'....and since there is so much UNPREDICTABILITY for an asperger type in social situations....that becomes a challenge to be discovered.....how to cope with the unpredictability.....I do that by saying to myself 'what are my priorities, and they are what matter MOST.....I tell myself...how these people think of me isn't the END ALL of life, or even of this moment in time......I put it into perspective consciously.....by creating inner homeostasis, based on WHAT IS IMPORTANT *REALLY* IN THE TOTALITY OF LIFE, not just the current situation. Related to your comment....I remember having the VERY same experiences when I was quite a bit younger.... talking to people I knew, which included my sister, my cousins, my aunt, my family members.....people especially who I felt were JUDGING ME....I think it is the feeling of being sized up and judged that makes me uncomfortable....and often times this included their comments and reactions.....and so did the old habit of experiencing myself as a failure socially because I could not think of how to converse.....I do notice, though, that the older I get......the easier it gets to find a comfort zone......that entails JUST BEING ME. I'm me....and I am able now to actually celebrate my excentricities and say to myself....weird is actually something I'm proud of. Are others proud of it....well, that isn't the point....the point is.....we need to learn to ACCEPT OURSELVES FOR WHO WE ARE. Anxiety, Negative reflections will still come....but when all is said and done...we should still be able to say to ourselves......I'm not INFERIOR.....I'm just marvelously DIFFERENT. And therein lies ALL the difference!

I too am nervous when it comes to talking to people. I am afraid I am wasting their time or I will become totally tongue tied. Lately I have opened up a face book account and enjoy playing games with the people I can't just normally talk too. This has allowed me to be less nervous when I see them in person.

"I am afraid I am wasting their time"


I always feel that way too.....could it be that I am projecting onto them in some sort of mistaken 'empathy' that social situations waste their time, when they DON'T ACUTALLY SEE IT THAT WAY......but I DO! I am always an escape artist when it comes to social interaction, and I always must give the impression of 'let's hurry up and get this over with'....you helped me 'see' this more clearly by bringing this up, Bluebird. Socialization is so HARD that my goal is to do as little of it as possible....but truly.....I am like you....inside myself I think I am not only wasting their time, but 'bugging' them. I am also aware ALWAYS that I don't have the same TALENT for suave verbal interaction, though I DO have verbal abilities for practical applications and toward goals needing to be achieved. In short.....I'M BLUNT....and somewhat interested in accomplishing something worthwhile. It is that 'suave' aspect of fine tuned socialization that I DO NOT POSSESS! To me fined tuned socialization is like a juggling act, and I can't juggle that way. Sola

apu eta amr sobsomoy ghote...amar mom dad dujonei manush joner sathe onek fluent bt amader basai guest aslei ami try kori kokhono tader mukho mukhi na hote...ekhn ami communication skill jodio kisuta unnoti koresi ebong gotbadha kothabarta valoi chalie jete pari bt eta onek limited...

kotha chalanor jonno khub easy 1ta technique holo prosner pithe prosno kora...ar embarrasment ta chesta korte hoy jeno cheharay prokash na pay...

to shantonu
banglai post gula pore valo legeche.tumi thiki bolecho amader nijeder mofhe experience share kora joruri.
tobe ekta jinish odvut lagche.seta holo amafer baba ma der people skill amader cheye bhalo.kintu asperger ke genetic dhora hoi.tahole ki asperger new generation disease bolte hobe

to apu:
amr kono close relative er aspergers nai eta ami pura sure...bt dursomporker relative der bapare janina...aspergers k autistic apectrum er modhdhe dhora hoy eta thik bt net e description gula pore mone hoise aspergers thik autism er sathe mile na...ar sobche boro kotha etake disease bola uchit kina seta nie amr jothesto doubt ase...

eta new generation condition kina e bapare asole purapuri sure vabe kono data pawa jay nai karon er diagnosis suru hoise matro 1991 theke...bola hoy einstein ero AS chilo so eta mone hoy otota notun kisu na...

2mi jodi mone korte chao eta 1ta ultra modern disease jetar karone 2mi onnoder cheye alada ar seta vebe jodi 2mr valo lage tahole amr kisu bolar nai bt ami jinistake 1tu onnovabe dekhi...

ami moteo dharmik na bt god er ostitte probolvabe bissas kori karon bissas korar moto jothesto fact amader samne ase...ei god ba prokiti alltime chay amader tikiye rakhte...so jokhon jetar dorkar amader charpase passively setar babostha kora hoy...ei 21st century te ase amader ekhn ar aristotle,newton er moto sobjanta scientist dorkar nai..amder dorkar specialist...amra aspie ra holam jonmo thekei specialist...

ar tar cheyeo boro karon jeta amr mone hoise seta holo amder society ta dhire dhire attokendrik hoye jasse...manusher nittoproyojonio jinis sob ghore bosei pawar babostha kora hosse...2mi cinta kore dekho ei porobeshe tike thakar jonno sobche perfect holo aspie ra...not NT...

ar 2mr somossa ki? 1din 2ta word er 1ta mail korei abar dub dila kno? WP te to protidin i dhoko....