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Mutanatia
Velociraptor
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17 Jan 2009, 12:55 pm

Recently, I graduated from college without a job. Now, my dad insists that i pretty much have to do stuff on the weekends because that's when he's free. I think this is a bit like hand-holding. He wants me to be independent, yet he pretty much tells me that I can only do things on HIS time, which in effect makes me more DEPENDENT on him.

There are certain things I need help with, yes, but I don't need help with every last little thing (E.g., putting together a resume, reading stuff about finding jobs in my book, writing out a check, reading stuff on a contract--if i need help understanding something, THEN I ask for clarification >.<--etc.). What is the best way to tell him that, while I do appreciate his help, I don't need it for every last little thing, and would prefer to do most things during the week (when I am supposedely too stupid (or at least this is how it is coming across) to figure things out for myself), and that if I need his help, THEN that stuff and ONLY that stuff will bne moved to the weekend.

I mean, I wasn't even awake for 10 minutes (hadn't even eaten my breakfast) when he started getting on my case. That is not fair to me.



Greentea
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17 Jan 2009, 1:34 pm

Just go about your issues during the week and leave any issues you want to discuss with him for the weekend. You don't need his permission to do this.


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aninimous
Hummingbird
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17 Jan 2009, 3:17 pm

I say work on your stuff during the week and like the above post said, if you need more clarification, ask your dad when he's free. You don't need his permission to do certain things, as you're certainly an adult at this stage.



RockJustice
Tufted Titmouse
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18 Jan 2009, 11:31 am

I guess I'll back up everybody else in this thread.

Off-topic: At least you have a father to talk to.
Mine is in jail for not paying child support.



Keirts
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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18 Jan 2009, 3:58 pm

I would agree that your father is wrong about this. But remember, he's doing this because he wants to help you. If I were in his place and likewise believed my position to be correct, I would be rather insulted if you just up and started doing things without me. I don't think it's just a matter of him feeling you're incompetent (which may or may not be the case), but also of him wishing very much to be a part of it with you. Supposing you do go out and start doing all these things on your own, how would he feel if you then had to come for him for help, when he has been left uninformed of the happenings?

It's a delicate balance, and not just a simple matter of your father overreacting and becoming overbearing. He just doesn't know how much help you need. Arbitrarily deciding for him what his level of involvement in your life will be, without asking for his input, could make things worse. Remember, he can be hurt by you as well, just not in the same way.

I think the root of the issue here is not your father's overbearing nature, but that you and and him have not found a way to effectively communicate the level of assistance you request or require.


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