Would she be a bad friend?

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Dont know if anyone can answer this but:

Ok I’ve known this girl for a year an half as more of an acquaintance but recently we for some reason started getting along and became friends. Which is a good thing cause I’ve recently sorta faded out with my only female friend before so I kinda wanted another 1. But there’s a situation going on. I have a crush on this guy who I know she was hooking up with last semester, and I highly suspect she hooked up with him about 5 days ago. Ok I know this could be very well false, but I heard about it from 3 different people so by now I believe it. Until about 3 days ago, she didn’t know I had a crush on him but I accidentally spilled it to her. She doesn’t know that I know she’s hooked up with him. I was wondering if she keeps hooking up with him, would that make her a bad friend. Cause I don’t know the rules around that. I admit, it hurt me a lot that I knew they were hooking up, and I even once had a nightmare about them hooking up but I had kept my feelings to myself until recently. So here’s my question:

Is it ok to hook up with the person your friend has a crush on, behind their backs when you know they like the person?

I think so, yeah. The term "behind their backs" kinda indicates to me that it's wrong - if you can't let your friend know what you're doing, that proves you know you're out of line.

No. It becomes a choice; either the friend, or the guy

Relationships fade, good friendships last forever, imho...

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Well, personally, and this is just my opinion, I think it's unreasonable to expect that just because someone likes a certain guy, nobody else is allowed within a mile of him without it being blown up into a big diss against the girl who likes him. That's simply my aspie logic, but most NTs, in my experience, don't seem to see it that way. I guess it depends on the circumstances (ie. as long as it's not being done out of spite, etc).

Also, by the OP's own admission, there was already a romantic relationship between her friend and the guy before her crush even started.

Even if they had broken up when you confessed to your friend that would mean you told your friend that you had feelings for her ex, knowing he was her ex.

Ouch. I would say your faux pas was bigger than your friend's.

I personally don't see the big deal either way (dating a friend's crush or dating a friend's ex) but given your faux pas was bigger than your friend's, I think it is in your best interest just to forget about this and move on.

if you started dating him and she hooked up with him, then yes i'd say she is a bad friend, but she was already hooking up with him so i think it would be unreasonable for you to expect her to stop just because you like him. if you know there's nothing romantic between them, if it's just sex, and you know she wouldn't be hurt if you started dating him, then i'd say try that. if you're unsure, you should talk to her about it, tell her that you know about them hooking up, ask her if there's anything more than just sex going on, and ask her if she'd be ok with you dating him. i know from your end it seems like she would be a bad friend for hooking up with the guy you like (i've been there... with a girl though) but since what she has has been going on since before you stated that you like him, it's not very reasonable to expect her to suddenly stop because you started liking him.

so in my opinion the best course of action would be to talk to her about it and find out what her feelings on the matter are. if she's a good friend she'll be willing to listen to you and should give an honest answer.