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Jamesy
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21 Jan 2009, 11:38 am

I have aspergers and semantic pragmantic communication disorder. I am drifiting further away from my current social group because there not making an effor to contact me. I don't wan't to end up with not friends. Will things get better because I am quite concerned about the state of my friendships at the moment.

Perhaps some advice on how to make new friends? I do actually know some new people at my college so maybe its not the end of the world?



Jamesy
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21 Jan 2009, 11:45 am

Its jus that if I end up with very few or no friends then there might be a big hole missing in my life. For instance I am a shy person and without friends I may not get a girlfriend in the future and my life might be bad :(



ValMikeSmith
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21 Jan 2009, 3:45 pm

Just a few very good friends is OK.

You'll know they are good friends if they are patient with your communication problems. Communication is very important in relationships and average people aren't so patient.
The people who stay with you probably like you as you are or share a special interest.
It would be nice if those friends do any of these things also:
-They let you ask and give you good advice about how you might be able to learn to socialize better and maybe about how to behave with girls.
-They introduce you to at least some of their friends that might like you.

If you have NO good friends, maybe seek Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

You might be able to make new friends in some kind of group or club that is about your special interest. Then it's easier to think of good things to say ... about that.

Also, It may be natural to want a girlfriend, but wanting one seems to NOT be the way to get one. They seem to me to be attracted to independent, self-confident guys, and most likely when you least expect it, such as if you appear to be that way in a social situation that you are interested in. I think guys who look like they "need" a girlfriend look like "losers" to them, therefore it might actually help to stop thinking that you need one.
I think a good couple relationship is one where 2 people like but don't need each other.



Jamesy
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21 Jan 2009, 7:36 pm

Thanks. The problem with my friends though is that when I think I am getting back into the swing of things with them and I feel my friendship is going somewhere BOOM I don't see them for weeks on end. Basicly becasue of my lack of a social life I am not getting to meet people or girls for that matter. I haven't seen my friends since new years eve/new years day thats 3 and a half weeks. In my opinion thats quite a while to go without seeing your mates. Infact my younger brother said to me that the people I socalise with are more associates then actual true friends.



Black_tea
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31 Jan 2009, 3:16 pm

You need to analyze your relationship carefully. If you feel that they're not close enough to you, then you can either try to call them and get together more often, in order to get closer, or keep them at the "associate" level. And yes, cognitive behavioral therapy is an excellent idea; it's how I learned to make friends. The key is to follow your therapist's advice, not just sit and rant. Good luck!