NT's and people with AS

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Would you say that NT's like or dislike people with AS. If they don't like them, why is that? And are people with AS usually friends with NT's or other AS people? The reason why I'm asking is because I want to learn how to make friends with NT's and I also want to be like them. Do any of you have close friends who are NT.

For the record, I am not diagnosed as having AS but I show strong traits. That being said,

All of my friends were/are NT. You can never really be like them. You can try your damnedest, you may even pass off as NT, but you can never be like them. AS and NT are two different sides of the spectrum. Accept that you're different, but don't let it harm your chances to be friends with NT's, because it is more than possible.

I remember when I used to think that people thought the same way I did. So when they said typical NT stuff, it annoyed me, hurt me, and made my anger surge throughout my body. It hurts when you are expected of things that you simply can not process and "do." Perhaps you know what I mean.

Good luck.

It's hard to generalize 'about people with AS', no two AS people are alike, the big thing is the lack of "theory of mind" which is shorthand really for not being able to see or read the social signals other people send without a decent sized amount of effort on part of the AS person. To give you a general picture of traits that are frowned upon:

-Speaking without emotion or not enough emotion in your voice (i.e. your emotions are dialed down, you don't ever seem enthused about anything)
-Talking about what you like to talk about, not being very interested in the other person
-Onesided conversations (i.e. always bringing the conversation back to things you like to talk about)
-Longwindedness
-visually anxious/fearful around people
-Rude (i.e. not being able to read social cues)
-Not considering how what you're saying emotionally effects others

Other factors if one is a 'bad nerdy' type vs good nerdy type AS person, are - unkeptness, poor fashion sense, not talking when around others (always quiet, people think its weird if you don't talk).

you met one Aspie. . you've met one Aspie. . .

Merle

Good point you made, I have felt this way with my NT friends. They still wouldn't understand me, or fully understand my interests with science and why I want to be one. Some things they said made think of them as ignorant. So I always thought "whatever" to them.

I never had any friends with aspergers. I think the only NTs I would ever get along with as friends would be the ones sharing my interests.

Well, speaking for myself, I have had many disasters trying to befriend both NT's and my one attempt with a male Aspie went kaput after only a month. In dissecting these interactions, all of those things mentioned by ZakFiend played a huge part. Other factors, were misunderstandings, assumptions on both my part and that of the other would be friend, and one or both of us backing away because of boundary issues or generalizations. Hard work for the Aspie, but worth it, if you end up with a good friend. I also tend to steer away from emotional types, because I get overwhelmed.

I don't really know much about what they like, maybe our knowledge (even though it can be weird sometimes). But I have a good friend, an AS fellow, and I dislike his behavior sometimes, like when he is saying my name, but don't really want to talk to me. He just keeps doing it again and again. Sometimes he can also repeat really random things.
But there are good things about him too, just can't put my finger on it.

That being said, I find it easier to become friends with non-typical people, not nessesarily AS's, but people who had a hard time. I feel that they understands a lot more of what is going on.

It's hard for me to answer this question because I am NT and can only guess what it is like to be an Aspie.

How do you recognise those who are accepting and empathic? There are many of us out there.

Yes, once you've met an aspie, you've met an aspie. So every friendship is different. For example I would never have recognised my lawnmower man as aspie. He didn't know about depression so we discussed that. When his eldest daughter was diagnosed I explained that it is heredity and bit by bit we came to the conclusion that he is aspie too. We have established a close friendship and talk about all sorts of personal things.

At 10 pin bowls there is a woman who annoys our team. She fills in our paper work without asking us ... we are a bit slow at that sort of thing. She takes over our computer etc etc. You will probably see it from her point of view - these slow witted old geezers!

A few months ago we were all laughing loudly and joking. Suddenly I recognised her confusion. Later I said "We are being silly, aren't we?" Without hesitation she replied "Yes!" At last I understood her. Doh!

She may be aware of a change in my attitude. She 'laughs' at my jokes now and looks out for me. I ask her questions if I need to. Before I never would because she is so superior. I see her in her group laughing (though I suspect it is a mask) and I am happy that she is included. I have told her team captain of my suspicions - well certainty - of my diagnosis. Her captain has always offered her friendship but it has been hard going sometimes. Understanding aspergers can make us more aware of how to offer friendship.

I doubt that she know that she has aspergers because she is in her 60's.

I am writing all this to let you have some understanding of how it can be for an NT too.

As I see it, the best way to have a strong friendship is for both NT and Aspie to recognise aspergers which is fine for members on WP. Perhaps you can select someone that you think you can trust and slowly introduce them to your world. You have to train them on how to act eg ignoring your body language and listening to your words. I say this because I rely very heavily on body language and have had to ignore those signals which guide me all the time.

An aspie/nt frienship is a 2 way process. Both parties are on a 2 way learning curve.


Good luck.