Manipulate circumstances

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I mentioned before hat I had a good friend who seemed more distant lately. I think that he has grown distant because of a new friend. I have kind of hinted at the fact that we don't do as much anymore but he hasn't really notice. But then again, I pay more attention to detail.

Anyway, something that I was thinking about doing tonight and have already started planning this but I can cancel if enough people say its a bad idea. I was thinking of getting a group of people to sit with me at dinner and do a couple of things one: have one person mention a trip that I am not taking with the friend that I am growing apart from (which would make me seem less clingy since he knows that I do stuff with other people) and have that lead into what the friend that I am growing apart from is doing over the summer, a third friend would then ask if he wanted to go on a trip with the friend that I'm growing apart from, this friend would then ask me to come too (which would give us something to do over the summer).

Later on in the conversation, he would hint at the fact that I expressed concern to him about my problems with friend one. I would tell him to shut up but it would bring the issue to the attention of the person the first person without having a direct confrontation. I know that it is weird, but I think it will work. What do you think?

Don't decieve. EVER.

When you go past someone's perception of the situation, and make sure they do what you want them to do without allowing them to excercize their free will, then that is indeed analogous to stabbing him in the back. Betrayal. When you are...unpredicatable, perhaps a danger, or at best someone to "keep tabs on", trust, the capacity to trust in someone on the level of the laws of physics...is gone.

Basically, don't betray people. They'll be unable to ever understand your intentions again. But I said it in cold logic.

Would it be considered decieving if I ask someone else to help me bring something to another persons attention indirectly? I am not sure. But I will take that consideration in mind. Others please comment should I do it or not? If you view this post, please comment yes or no and explain why.

please just be very direct. communication gets twisted even in the best of circumstances. even the slightest big of confusion in communication causes fall-outs. don't even think about being manipulative. be HONEST. "i miss hanging out with you and i want to work on building our friendship."

sadly, throughout life, friendships build and friendships fade. honest communication is the only real choice.

NO, NO, NO, NO. I have had that done to me before. My friend could not bring up things with me very easy about things he wanted to talk to me about. My friend had other people try to help him bring up different issues when we where in groups together and when that did not work, he had his friends try to make little hints to me when I was with his friends and he was not there. My friend and I are not friends anymore and a situation just the one you are planning is the reason why! You never do something like this to another person. You never involve anyone outside of your relastionship (regardless if it is a dating relastionship or a friendship relastionship) into a personal problem you are having with another person. Just because you ask other people to say something or do something does not mean that it is going to go the exact way you want it to go. You can not control what other people do and say. Whenever a person makes a plan regardless of what the plan is for it is only a plan. A plan is only a way that you intentional decide to go about getting something you want. Having a plan and putting your plan into action does not mean it will go the way you planned it. Never give someone the power in a situation that involves you and not them because you have to deal with any of the consequences in the way that situastion goes.

In my situation, the other people he asked to help him ended up making the whole situation a bigger problem then it ever was in the first place. If you go to other people, instead of your good friend, to help you with something having to do with your good friend, your good friend may really question the fact if you really do feel that he is your good friend and he may feel betrayed if he finds out. I know that I personaly felt betrayed in my situation once I found out the truth.

Try to find a honest way and a way that is from you in this situation with your friend. You are making it much more harder for yourself by going about it in the way you where planning. Write him a letter to let him know what you are feeling if you do not want to talk to him directly about it. That way, he will know how you are feeling. At the end of your letter ask him to think about what you wrote for a day or two and then, ask him to be up front and honest with you about what is going on and how he feels about things in your friendship. I hope everything goes well