Many friends - why?

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I have always had a few friends and some aquaintances. I prefer to have good friends that i can talk about anything with and to have similar intrests to me, i cannot cope with people that just want me to "be there" on a large party. I also get tired of people that never asked me to come with them to events but as soon as their computer had a hickup, they asked me to come and fix it.

This resulted in me clearing out my friendship group a while ago and all friends i didnt see any use for, i.e. they did not give me anything in return were tossed out the window (ok, deleted from ICQ/MSN). Now i prefer quality over quantity and i have 6 really good friends, 2 of them are outside the country, and only one (and an half) in the same town. I really do not have big social needs (friendwise) and do not get it.

So, like the topic says: Why is it so important to have many friends instead of having quality friends? Emergency sleepover apartments? People to lend money from? Safehouse for hiding from the police? What?

Bad move, as soon as your membership for the Illuminati gets approved you'll realize just how valuable those friends are

But actually I think your view is pretty much the norm, its just that when people say a "few good friends" everyone has a different number for "few". And the border between friend and acquaintance is poorly defined, if your friends with someone when your paths cross but never arrange to meet up and spend time, is that a friend or acquaintance? For many people myself included the answer to that question is the decider for weather they have a few friends or a lot of friends.

Good question!
I only have 4 great friends, people that would give almost anything for me, and vice versa.

I've had them for most of my life and we just click on a basic level.
Still, it's always them initiating contact. But I do always appreciate it!

As far as I'm concerned, having six really good friends at one time sound like a huge amount of friends. I can't even think of six real friends I've had in my entire life. Or, for that matter, six people that I know at all on a social level, aside from family.

I'm not sure if I'd even have the time and energy to keep six friends in my life.

I don't think people really think about it. They just make friends with a lot of different people. You have work friends, college friends, old school friends, friends you share common interest with, past lovers and then friends of those friends and friends of the family.

I have friends from a church I used to go to. There's about 5 that I sometimes bump into and have a chat with.
I have my second ex and his friends. There's about 7 there, but I only see 2 or 3 of them sometimes.
Then there's my sisters friends. I see 2 a lot, and the other 3,4,5 sometimes. My sister has a lot of friends.
Then there's my music forum friends. I've only met 3, but usually talk with with a dozen of them, but will only get to see a couple of them.
I only have about 3 people in my town that I consider real friends and I don't see them that often.
I rarely see my friends though. I have a lot of time on my own. I do speak to them online though, and I do know them enough to call them my friends.

I think people have many friends because they are the type to go to a lot of different places and meet people.

edit: I hope no one thinks I'm rubbing it in that I have friends, but I wanted to show you how it is possible that some people can have a lot of friends. I should have used my NT-ex as an example, but then I'd be typing out millions of pages.

Last edited by pensieve on 06 Apr 2009, 8:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

I don't want to be friends with loads of people just for the hell of it, that would just be more people to leave behind when I turn 16.

Having more than a very few friends at a time is exhausting to me.

Anyone who really wants to be my friend other than the very few that i am closest to must accept me on a peripheral level. That is really all that I can handle.

I am recognizable to lots and lots of people because I perform live and run a venue...I have 3 people, aside from the people who work for us and my family and whatnot who I regard as more than acquaintances.

Thank you for your replies.

I asked mostly because i feel no need to socialise that much, i am totally happy with a few friends and cannot see the need why i SHOULD have to have 100+ friends like "everyone else".

My theory however, is that people are so afraid to be lonely or to be rated as "different" if they do not have enough friends so they "sign up" for friendship with pretty much anyone that they bump into.

I've always wondered that myself.

I fail to see how it is unhealthy or wrong to have 3/4 very close friends instead of 16 people who you hang out with but aren't really very close to.

I see a couple of reasons.

1. One of your Aspie interests is board games and to make the most out of a game, you typically need between 4 and 6 people. Obviously the more friends you have means the more opportunities you'll have to play.

2. The more friends you have increase the odds that when you do feel like socializing or doing something with someone else you'll have someone available to do it with.

I only have a few friends because they're the only friends I've managed to make. I would choose quality over quantity anyday though.

"I'm not your friend, buddy!"

"I'm not your buddy, guy!"

"I'm not your guy, friend!"