Being corrected

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Does an Aspie take offense in being cautioned against potential problematic friends he has?

are you sure you are not invading his privacy too much? just cause you are an aspie, does not mean you need an intervention. if she does not do drugs or drink or use guys for money - don't caution him. ask him about and work with whatever is under the light. try to guide him into understanding, but don't tell him.

This friend has been diagnosed as a dependent/hysteric and could "use" him to
get favors and money as well as project her dependency needs towards him.
He has only met her twice and was charmed. I have known her for 9 years.

If you are asking if you should inform someone that they have problematic friends, then the answer is probably no. Casually mentioning it to them in a non-forceful way might help, but if you complain about it, or forbid them to hang out with them, then it will probably make things worse.

The reason I say this, is because most people don't like being told what to do, especially if they are stubborn. Sometimes they just have to learn things on their own...the hard way. I know this from experience.

ok..point taken. I guess, it will be a case of wait and see.
Thank you!

I actually reccommend intervening immediately and quelching the "friendship", if of course there is legitimate cause. There is something to be said for learning from mistakes and experience, but the problem is that these learning bumps can result in things like drug-dependency and death, especially for an AS person who I have to assume is quite naive.

When I was in the 6th grade, I made a "friend", and because I was his "friend", I had to do his homework, carry his books, and give him my lunch money. It took my parents to intervene after a few months when they found out about my "friendship" before it finally occured to me that I was being used. Even though someone with AS might take offense if you tell him the person he is befriending is the "wrong crowd" or has an agenda, the fact is an AS tween doesn't know any better. You can't assume he knows anything, and if he can't tell the difference between a good friend and a bad friend, you can probably assume that he is unaware of the danger facing him.

Usually master manipulators like this girlfriend typically come off as smooth and I have no doubt she charmed him in a number of ways to make him melt like putty in her hand. This is setting up the perfect combination of victim and victimizer. I am the kind of person that says sometimes you just have to step in and say you can't play that video game or you can't be around that person, no matter how upset it makes them feel at that moment.

I think there is legitimate cause as he has offered to do things for her and with her and she
has made plans to be with him for a week in Vegas.

My gut feel tells me that too..And since you speak from experience, I believe it's the wise thing to do.

How he will take it is anybody's guess. Will he stop communicating? will he take it the wrong way as interference or will he appreciate it?

I think by telling him, I am taking a calculated risk and if he chooses to disconnect, I will understand.

ok.. I will email him and tell him in a calm, logical way..non threatening with an option that he can either ignore or take my advice.

I wonder though, will he respond or email back a year from now?

When the AS person starts "doing favors", that is a huge red flag, for obvious reasons.

If you tell him about the true nature of his friendship, and he throws a tanturm or whatever, he WILL get over it eventually. Sometimes you just have to lead an AS person around by the hand whether they like it or not. But if you tolerate people taking advantage of him now, people will take advantage of him for the rest of his life if there is no precedent for him to stop the abuse. It is all too easy for one with AS to be victimized if they are not constantly on their guard.

Sometimes, very manipulative girls can identify an AS person or other weak-minded indvidual and control him for their own purposes. Typically they do this by witholding sex or by promising sex in exchange for favors.

I agree, that AS people are magnets for users and abusers. They have low self-esteem/confidence, will do anything to make people like them, don't stand up for themselves, and are desperate for friends.


My ex girlfriend...Narcissist

One of my so called "friends"...has Narcissistic traits

So, yeah, I've dealt with these people before.

Warning someone about other people like this can only help so much. They need to fix the things that attracts these people to them in the first place, if they ever want to get rid of them completely.

Anything about these relationships is quid pro quo. The AS person is typically looking for sex and friendship, and to get it they will trade their assets, such as time and labor. Their partner identifies a target that they can exploit and these targets are usually weak-minded, gullible people who can be used for purposes. If getting sex and female attention is deemed worthwhile enough to the AS individual, they will do anything to keep getting cookies.

There is an older man I know who works as a janitor at a high-school who clearly has Aspergers but he doesn't know personally that he has Aspergers. When he told me the story of his life, combined with my personal observations of him, he is a clear Aspergian. When he was about 60, he got married to a woman he had only known for 10 days prior, but he married her because she manipulated him into falling for and exploited his need for companionship into getting her hooks into him. For the past 8 years or so they have had quite an unhappy marriage. She is the "chairman" of the family and she leads him around by the arm and gets him to do her bidding. They fight constantly because they have really nothing in common, but he tolerates the relationship because he has an occasional need for sex and to him, negative company is better than no company.

I guess that one just has to be strong enough to see through manipulative people and be on a constant state of alert. Hopefully your son recognizes that you are acting in his best interest. It pains me to see meek people being controlled and abused and if I could, I would fight for those people with all my strength for the rest of my life.

He is a friend...not my son. Thank you for all your posts. I have emailed him and
no response. I guess he is inside his cave throwing a tantrum. Oh well...hopefully he
will come out again and connect.

Thanks again!

Heard from my aspie friend. As I expected, he took it the wrong way and sent
me a strong worded letter practically telling me to back off as he knows what he is doing.
So, that's it. I am backing off.