Making friends or keeping freinds?

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Which do you have a problem with?


I have a problem keeping friends. I could meet people, but it is nothing beyond that. People have always taken advantage of me and belittled me all of my life. So called friends were just there to milk me. I was just being stupid in order to have some one accompany me.

Any friends I have are friends I have managed to keep for a very long time.

Making them without a doubt for me. Keeping them was never a problem, most likely because I'm so selective in my company I keep around me, that the few friends I do decide to make are always after careful observation and consideration.

Yes but remember, if they belittle you for your quirky habits due to the aspergers then it's best not to associate with them. I'll give you an example - I was out with a mate the other day and everything was fine until I came to a shop where I collected the business cards. He thought that was fine and there was no need to discuss what I had.

Ironically, we walked past the place where I got the official diagnoses of Aspergers last January.

my friends only last for 2-3 days

For me it's keeping friends, I don't have much problems with making them.

My problem is making friends, I make acquaintances really easily, but friends I actually hang out with and talk to a lot I don't make often. But I have no problem keeping friends.

I make friends easy because I am so accepting but I have a harder time keeping them. A lot of my friends are older.

A lot of my friends have been older, but some younger, rarely any the same age. Older people have more maturity and know that shallow people are not cool no matter how easy they are to be friends with. It's better to have friends with quirks that you can at least trust. Younger people think older people are cool, no matter if they have a few quirks. I've made my best friends from people with similar interests, and online where my social awkardness is not as apparent. My fellow women seem to demand more social know-how, so I also make friends with men more easily-they don't seem to care as much if I don't know certain social stuff that I'm still clueless about. Etiquette, a usueless time consuming "art". Guys get that more.

I am curious as to why one or the other is easier for each of you. Can you step back from the situation and take a look at the factors that help you do one and maker it harder to do the other. Then maybe taking it a step further to find out what factors caused the factors that cause one to be easier. Sometimes thinking this way helps you to get to the heart of the issue.

Both for me, but definately making them in the 1st place.

both.. I struggle to make them then I lose them when I do/say something that is not appropriate

Depends on your definition of "friend". An "acquaintance" isn't quite a "friend" yet. Acquaintances will come and go, fact of life.

In childhood, making friends is much easier. Keeping them is very difficult, due to the fickle nature of children. They will often have no trouble saying "I don't want to be your friend anymore, because of _____________".

In adulthood, people are much harder to befriend but the friends they do have, they tend to hold on to. Unless the person is doing something really objectionable, they will tend to keep them around. People who dump friends at the same rate as in childhood often get a bad reputation.

I have problems with both, which is why most of my freinds are adults whom understand life a bit better, never really did like the average teen, i could never relate?

I have no problem making friends, but I have much more trouble making close friends and maintaining that sort of relationship.

In my first year of Uni I tried very hard to talk to lots of people on msn and in person about potential common topics. But when I switched Uni courses the year after, I gradually drifted apart from them as it became very difficult for me to maintain contact with 20 or so people, let along the 100+ friends and acquaintances I've met in Med.

Because of my difficulty in making and maintaining close friends, I don't bother talking to people anymore unless I happen to bump into them. Then I'll try to be friendly. My friendships with most of the people in my current Med course are superficial and I have no friendship group/clique, but I'm not upset or envious either. I have my own personal things/goals to attend to, and I find it stressful/tiring whenever I have to talk to somebody, even if it's small talk.

A bit sad, but I'm trying to focus on myself and my own ambitions now, and less on others. I know these close friends don't last. But nowadays I get enough enjoyment from social chit-chat, if the exchange/discourse happens to be successful.

I've mostly given up on the former, so the latter is null and void.
Although if I did, I'd assume the latter would be harder, due to my irrational social fears and lack of exposure to "friends" (only in school for 6 hours a week, around 45-50 minutes of which are spent in a normal classroom.) I know it seems cold, and I do really want friends, especially close ones, but I've realised it isn't happening and ostensibly have gotten over it.