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What is he trying to say?

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sandbox1944
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14 Apr 2009, 11:35 am

I introduced my boyfriend (undiagnosed) aspie to a girl friend. He was impressed by her
technical intelligence. When he learned that she wanted to go bungee jumping, he promptly offered to accompany her. I have told him in the past I wanted to go bungee jumping, and
he told me to go with my other friends. I was disappointed then..now I am getting to the point of breaking up with him because of this. Admittedly, I am feeling jealous and left out. Am I right in
thinking he prefers her "intelligent" company than mine? I find this insulting. They are both ITs
whereas I am by profession a med tech.

What would you do in this situation. I am an NT.



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14 Apr 2009, 12:24 pm

sandbox1944 wrote:
I introduced my boyfriend (undiagnosed) aspie to a girl friend. He was impressed by her
technical intelligence. When he learned that she wanted to go bungee jumping, he promptly offered to accompany her. I have told him in the past I wanted to go bungee jumping, and
he told me to go with my other friends. I was disappointed then..now I am getting to the point of breaking up with him because of this. Admittedly, I am feeling jealous and left out. Am I right in
thinking he prefers her "intelligent" company than mine? I find this insulting. They are both ITs
whereas I am by profession a med tech.

What would you do in this situation. I am an NT.


Explain your point of view. State the facts just as you did here but leave out the "do you like her more" because it will make what you're saying too complicated and he could assume you are jealous of her or worried that he's more attracted to her. Sure, you may be but you don't have to show that right now. Just say that you'd mentioned before that you wanted to go bungee jumping and only now is he interested.

Of course, if he decides to spend time with her after you talk then it could be a reason to break up.



Doncostello
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14 Apr 2009, 12:47 pm

are you a airhead? (no offence) because, i, a diagnosed aspie, prefer intelegant company.


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Willard
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14 Apr 2009, 2:32 pm

Doncostello wrote:
are you a airhead? (no offence) because, i, a diagnosed aspie, prefer intelegant company.


First: AN airhead

Second: Intelligent, not intelegant

Third: Offense, not offence

Fourth: She said she's a Med Tech, just how stupid do you suppose she could be?

And she didn't make a single grammatical or spelling error, whereas you made several.

Who's the airhead?



sandbox1944
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14 Apr 2009, 3:29 pm

Thanks, Willard!



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14 Apr 2009, 4:35 pm

Maybe he thinks that bungee-jumping is not part of your relationship, not fitting with the 'roles' he has in mind. He probably has another 'role' than you have. And maybe her role is compatible with bungee-jumping?

I have different types of friends, with some I would do certain activities, but not with others.

This would be my first thought, but I am not an expert at relations.



Willard
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14 Apr 2009, 4:40 pm

sandbox1944 wrote:
What would you do in this situation. I am an NT.


Well, I wouldn't want to risk telling you what you should do. I will say that he sounds quite smitten and I believe you are justified in feeling jealous. It sounds as though you are at a very real risk of being let down in a major way, so I guess the question is: Do you want to hang around and take that risk in hopes that your fears are unfounded or that the infatuation will pass - or withdraw and cut your losses before you get really hurt?

Having been on both sides of that equation many times, I only know that I'm not the person to be dispensing advice on which option to choose. My personal track record sucks. :shrug:



MONKEY
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14 Apr 2009, 4:40 pm

Willard wrote:
Doncostello wrote:
are you a airhead? (no offence) because, i, a diagnosed aspie, prefer intelegant company.


First: AN airhead

Second: Intelligent, not intelegant

Third: Offense, not offence

Fourth: She said she's a Med Tech, just how stupid do you suppose she could be?

And she didn't make a single grammatical or spelling error, whereas you made several.

Who's the airhead?


that told em :lol:


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sandbox1944
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14 Apr 2009, 9:20 pm

In an email I sent, I reminded him of my previous interest in bungee jumping (as suggested by Recently bookmarked) asked him if he thinks bungee jumping does not fit in our relationship (as
suggested by Asterisp). He did not reply. I called him twice and left a voice mail. He did not
return the call.

I called my girl friend only to find out they are communicating via email. I guess this time,
I considered Willard's reply.

"It sounds as though you are at a very real risk of being let down in a major way, so I guess the question is: Do you want to hang around and take that risk in hopes that your fears are unfounded or that the infatuation will pass - or withdraw and cut your losses before you get really hurt?"

I don't want to hang around and therefore, I will withdraw. I don't call this relationship a mistake. I believe there are no mistakes in life, only lessons to be learned. I believe this is one lesson learned..If a relationship starts to erode one's confidence in oneself, then it's time to cut off.

As for Doncostello, learn your lesson too...not everyone appreciates your cruel and demeaning
remarks.

Thank you for your helpful posts...



Greentea
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14 Apr 2009, 10:01 pm

sandbox1944 wrote:
If a relationship starts to erode one's confidence in oneself, then it's time to cut off.


This is a wise rule to live by. I wish someone had told me this a few decades ago. I'm certainly going to live by it from now on.

Re your friend...that's some friend! :x


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14 Apr 2009, 10:05 pm

he is clueless. he does not understand. just tell him you want to go bunjee jumping with him really bad and you will feel bad about yourself if he choses the other girl and not you. tell him it is very important to you that he go with you first, or not go at all.


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sandbox1944
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15 Apr 2009, 12:34 am

Re your friend...that's some friend! :x[/quote]


I know..that too is another lesson to be learned..I've decided to cut off from her too.