Apropriate places to talk to new people?

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Hi,

I want to meet new people and make new friends. Some people hate me, but with others, if I start talking to them and do my best, they do actually like me as a friend. It's so difficult to actually start talking to a person because there are very few places where it is appropriate to talk to a stranger socially. You cannot approach a stranger in the mall, the grocery store, the train, or on a sidewalk without looking like a creep.

I go to college but I don't get invited to parties and I don't drink. So how do I approach people without freaking them out?

Does your college have common areas, where people hang out to study & hold quiet conversations? If so, you could approach someone sitting next to an empty chair & ask if it's OK to sit. Then (if they don't appear to be immersed in study) you can ask them what they're working on, etc.

Last edited by zeichner on 27 Apr 2009, 12:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I would say if you go to college interest clubs are probably a good idea if you are looking for friends. I was involved in some interest clubs that lead to some friendships in college. Some of these friendships lasted pretty long, others did not, but I was social.
So my advice is to get involved in clubs where you have an interest, easy way to make friends without the college party scene.

Find some interest clubs, or attend college activities relevent to your interest! Those are some nice places to spark conversation, and possibly a friendship or two

Hmmm... Approaching people at all can be an iffy idea.

Yet what's bizarre is that some people can do it. And succeed. Over spring break I was talking about this with my friend in North Carolina; he's been having a lot of issues meeting new people himself. My girlfriend at the time, a fairly "normal" person (whatever that means) suggested that he go to somewhere else such as bookstore to go meet new people. Kind of like your "mall" or "train station" analogues if you ask me.

With clubs, it depends on the club. Typically you need a good set of social skills and common experiences already to make friendships, even if you have defined common interests. I belong to the campus radio station - and if there were ever a more narrow set of interests than music elitism, I'd like to know - and I haven't made any friends from that... but then it seems except for a few, most people don't.

If I were to go for clubs, I'd select your club very carefully. Consider what type of people go to a given club, whether you'd like to meet them, and most importantly if they'd want to meet you or if they have their own friendships.

It always baffles me when people seem to be able to meet people at places like bookstores. I love bookstores, but when I'm there, I'm looking at books. Same thing with other stores. I don't think I've ever been in a store and had someone come up to me and start talking, trying to "meet" me. And since I've never had that experience, I'd feel weird trying it out. I might be able to give someone a smile, and if I happen to notice that they are looking at a book that I'm familiar with, I might be able to say, "Oh, I've read that. It's a good one." But the circumstances would have to be just right, and after that sentence, there's really not much else you can say that doesn't make you start to look like a weirdo who's looking for friends.

If people actually came up to me and started talking, I'd probably have more confidence that, yes, in fact, people really do do that. As it is, it feels weird. I read, on forums like this, that people do it, but I never actually see it or experience it myself. One time, years ago, a person who was trying to "fix" me challenged me to make a friend. I struck up a conversation with a woman in a store somewhere and she seemed very friendly. I gave her my phone number and said if she'd like to get together for a cup of coffee, that would be great. (This is what I was told people do, although no one has ever done it to me). She looked at me like I was grossly overstepping some boundary, which is exactly what I felt like I was doing. I was told that this is the method to meeting people and getting to know someone, but clearly it was not. I still shudder when I think of it. Having a friendly conversation is okay, but trying to "meet" someone is not.

That was about 15 years ago, and it's the last time I actively attempted to make a friend. Screw it.

The part that baffles me is that normal people not only claim to do this, and claim to succeed ("I've met many people that way" one person I know said in regards to this approach), but that this is your typical advice from normal people. I've heard this from at least three distinct people, all of which have healthy, diverse social lives. Wouldn't you think that someone who is well-versed in the intricacies of social life would be able to give a more nuanced answer? Sure, it might be possible to meet someone at the bookstore or the coffee shop, but the end result is that it's an extremely sensitive, nuanced operation and you've got to really know what you're doing.

I've never seen it done either with two completely arbitrary persons, to be honest. I have met people at bookstores, but in all cases we had mutual friends, recognised each other from school, and never saw each other again. But then, as a full-time college student, one gets very little contact with the world off campus.