some social breakthoughs!

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I'm not sure how long this is gonna be, but I've been through a few changes this year, so here goes.

Its long, but i want to get it down, skim through it if you wish!

At the start of the year I was very down, no job, did not feel I had good friends, low as I got!

I decided, I wanted to start going to church again, although, before I had only been with my family. I had gone to a new church alone and introduced myself to new people 3 years before, but that was when I was confident. Anyway I went to one - I knew some of the people there so it wasn't all new, but I was scared to go in alone. One sunday, I went to the area, but got scared and went back home. The next, I played Kayne West's golddigger in my ipod to pump me up and give me the bravery to go in!

I met some nice friends there, but I felt bad that I didn't have a job in the week and couldn't motivate myself to even start volunteer work. Anyway that week I bought the novel "the godfather" for 50p from a junk store, and I read it, and it really inspired and motivated me..the character of Vito seemed so powerful and strong despite all his odds and It just pumped me up.

So I looked for a job with new motivation, and I got a job at woolworths! I met loads of nice friends there, and between that and church I interacted with a lot of kinds of people I didn't before, older people, women! I made a friend who was really confident, sporty and popular, and he was really NT, but really laid back and nice to hang out with, and I learnt a lot watching him, seeing how he joked around and made everyone laugh, everyone liked him. it was being his friend that I formulated the ideas in my "normal conversations" thread.
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Anyway using my new sense of humor and banter/teasing skills I met a woman who I really liked and started flirting with. Things went wrong with her, IMO because she was just too confident and social for me and I wasn't on her level yet. I was really upset about this so I started going out again, seeing bands, clubbing (which I hadn't done for 2 years). And I started reading books on how to pick up women..and I started meeting male friends on forums for these books and going out on "pickup" with them..which is a very good laugh when you don't take it too seriously!

The missed opportunity with that girl I liked really spurred me and I had a lot of sucess in the clubs! I didn't sleep with any women, but the fact that I was approaching strangers, talking to them, putting them at ease, making them laugh, and dancing with girls was amazing to me, I never knew I could do it. I learned a LOT about keeping conversations going and entertaining people from the pick-up books - more than I ever learned from other social self help books.

The men in the pick up community were all really into self improvement, confidence, clear voice, exercise, posture, etc, and that inspired me. I think aspies could do with a bit of that.

anyway here i am, no job again cause woolies is insolvent...but there you go!

Congratulations on having such a great attitude, Tom! I'm sorry that the Woolies job has gone, but it sounds as though your social life is blossoming and that you've been learning a lot. Keep it up- who knows what could happen next? And thanks for sharing your positive experiences with others here on WP. I'm sure they'll give some other people lots of hope. All the best, Jenny.

Thanks for sharing Tom. Hmm, maybe I should read The Godfather? Tried the church thing, would rather hang out with my sinful friends, lol.

wow very beautiful avatar pensieve!

Good job man. I like seeing positive posts like this on WP.

I agree about the pick-up books. I read a few of the pick-up books & the stuff about "inner game" helped a lot. I wasn't too impressed with the rest of the material though. They seemed to overanalyze everything to the point where interactions no longer seemed natural, and you became less comfortable and confident being yourself. Just my 2 cents.

Anyway, I'm happy for you & wish you the best.

Yea, well done Tom.

You're doing well!

unfortunatly i have reverted this year.

No harm in that - confidence fluctuates. All you need is some friends to help you get back to where you were again - I bet you can do it. Bet you 20p!

thank you for the vote of confidence

Sorry to hear about you losing your job at Woolworths, a lot of people I know have been made redundant in the past few months. I myself am unemployed at the moment, can get pretty boring and depressing at times, and it's hard to keep moitivated for things. Hopefully the job market will pick up in the next few months...

To the OP, congratulations. It's always good to hear an Aspie success story.

While we're in the "positive social stories" vibe, here is my last twelve months, in social achievement terms:

I got a job in a library
I managed to work nearly every day
I learnt that people actually have their own inner worlds (BIG breakthrough)
I learnt that people deliberately don't say what they mean, because they have their own agendas
I learnt that you have to pay attention to office politics and do things for political reasons in the workplace (I don't like this)
I learnt that people don't remember everything like I remember it
I learnt that people deliberately twist the truth and at the same time don't realise that they're twisting the truth
I learnt that when someone pays you a compliment, you're supposed to say "thanks" (and according to my psychologist, you're supposed to compliment them in return, but I can't do this at the moment)
I learnt that my way of seeing the world is radically different to most other people's, and other people actually notice this
I'm kind of making a new friend or two
I've found people who accept me for who I am

I've come a long way.....

Well done animal

one of the big things i have learned

"you create your own reality"