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hermanChess
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26 Apr 2009, 7:34 pm

This is a troublesome subject, I seem not to stare enough, and sometimes I think I might be staring too much at someone. Can you please tell me normal staring scenarios, like if a girl is flirting should I be staring at her all the time? If a friend starts talking privately should I stare a lot also? When people passes, who do you stare and why?



elderwanda
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26 Apr 2009, 10:42 pm

As far as I understand, staring is never okay.

Not that I'm any expert.



Jsmitheh
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27 Apr 2009, 3:12 am

Staring at people you don't know is bad.



jdn74
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27 Apr 2009, 5:30 am

You'd probably have better luck glancing at an eye to eye level rather than staring. Its just a brief moment of eye contact. From what I've learned, its only best to maintain eye-to eye contact while engaged in a conversation. And you have to use voice inflection so as not to bore the other person and seem sincere. If you want to build rapport with the person quickly, you can mirror their body language, subtly, as well. This comes naturally to NTs, but not to us, so practice is required. A good way to start is by doing it with someone you know and trust, preferably an NT. Let them know you want to improve your social skill and that you want to role play with them. You can practice with small talk, body language, and eye contact. As an added benefit to you, ask them how well you did. Be prepared for their honesty. If you get a negative reply, ask for clarification as to what you could've done better. Its probably best to do this with several different people so that you can develop a general sense of what is acceptable amongst varying personality types.

Another thing to do is to put yourself in a social setting and observe, observe, observe! You'll get a feel of what types of behaviors are suitable for you to mimic according to your own personality type. If you observe a behavior that doesn't feel right to you, then put it out of your mind. Keep the ones that appeal to you. A great way to do this is to wear sunglasses so as not to attract any attention toward yourself, allowing you to observe unnoticed. Just make sure that your face isn't blatantly pointed in their direction... kind of like you're a spy. Thats how I learned at least. So try it. It may take time. I

t took me a year of actively talking to people before I got over the fear of speaking with complete strangers. It took even longer to get where I am now. But just to shine a light in your direction I'll tell you this, it is never hopeless.

Good luck!


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ignisfatuus
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29 Apr 2009, 3:27 pm

Anything longer than five or six seconds indicates aggression or intimacy. I have this mental image of people with Asperger's mentally counting before looking away ;)


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Rok
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05 May 2009, 2:49 pm

Glace, just briefly. but don't creep them out by endlessly staring as if you were casing her, wondering which parts of her body you would consume first...throw a little of pepper and salt. Then smile at her. but a brief one. they notice...trust me they do, event the small smile. Smile any longer and oops...you just let your evil, sick, and twisted cannibalism plot right out of the bag. Now typically, you'd have to improvise by quickly stopping her to subdue her as she runs screaming. Tackle her to the ground, and tell her "I was just curious who you were I think you're sort of sexy. Will have dinner with me?" If she denied the dinner gestures, then say ,"Oh dear but it seems are anyway". Consume her flesh.



hermanChess
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05 May 2009, 8:09 pm

I must say Im not a freak thats keeps staring a person, most likely i'll never stare a person, guy or girl. And basicaly my probem is that, I don't stare enough, so I was hoping you could tell me some moments when I SHOULD be staring/looking/glancing at a person (girl). For example if they are flirting on me, should I keep looking at her as if she was trying to tell me something? Because I notice a girl is flirting on me, yet I take away my stare and pretend to be busy on something else, or on another thought. Damn I.



preludeman
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05 May 2009, 9:39 pm

hermanChess wrote:
This is a troublesome subject, I seem not to stare enough, and sometimes I think I might be staring too much at someone. Can you please tell me normal staring scenarios, like if a girl is flirting should I be staring at her all the time? If a friend starts talking privately should I stare a lot also? When people passes, who do you stare and why?


I also have some trouble with this area, and sometimes I do not know I am doing it. I have tried to be more careful how and who I "look" at.


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