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Calvin
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14 Apr 2009, 10:41 am

What type of touching is inappropriate in a same-sex relationship? I only have a pinch of intuition.



CloudWalker
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14 Apr 2009, 1:42 pm

I found it confusing too. At a younger age, it seems friendy to put your hand on the other person's shoulder. But lately, my friends seem to become uncomfortable with it. So I guess as one grow older the distance bewteen people grow as well. Now, I just let the others initiate the action.

If you are not talking about friendship kind of relationship, then I've no idea.



Adam-Anti-Um
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14 Apr 2009, 2:08 pm

I think this mostly depends on how the person feels about touch, the pressure of the touch, the placement of touch, the part of the body that makes physical contact, and also what point in the relationship that you are.

Sorry I have bombarded you, but it seems to me there are a lot of variables.


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Sea_of_Saiyan
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14 Apr 2009, 3:14 pm

By "same sex relationship", do you mean a regular friendship or a gay romantic relationship?

I've never been in a gay relationship, so I wouldn't have the slightest idea about what is appropriate in that area. However, in a regular friendship it seems to be best to keep your hands to yourself as a general rule of thumb. Sometimes an NT friend will ask for a hug or to arm wrestle or something along those lines - then it's ok to do it I guess.



zer0netgain
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15 Apr 2009, 6:06 am

I'm fairly clueless.

I see NT guys touch each other in ways I thought would scream "GAY" but it's really quite normal. However, a lot of male/male intimacy (don't run too far with that phrase) depends on how well someone knows another. Two guys (even in the USA) may hug, but they usually are very close friends. They wouldn't hug a total stranger.

Likewise, you can't judge what's acceptable by watching someone else. If a guy likes being touched, then that's one thing. If that guy is okay with someone close to him touching him beyond a handshake, that's something between those two and not open to just anyone.

It's confusing.



MathGirl
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15 Apr 2009, 7:22 am

It all depends on the setting and the background of people you're surrounded with. In some European countries, like Ukraine and Russia, it may be considered impolite, while people from Asian countries like China and Japan tend to be more tolerant. I have a friend from China who always touches my arm as a gesture of friendship; however, in Russia it would be considered rude for me to just begin touching someone like that, even a friend. In Japan, it is considered appropriate if two people of the same gender hold hands; others won't stare like people here in North America do. It's just cultural conditioning. In public places, though I say don't risk it.



drowbot0181
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16 Apr 2009, 4:25 pm

I take an immediate dislike to anybody of any gender touching me, or even getting too far into my "personal bubble". Most women don't seem to have a problem with this, I've noticed, and keep their hands to themselves. Men, however, don't seem to have personal bubbles and delight it touching each other constantly. It seems especially prevalent among men that are obsessed with sports, which appears to be everybody but me at work.



luchog
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16 Apr 2009, 11:36 pm

The only inappropriate touching is unwanted touching, regardless of the gender.



drowbot0181
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17 Apr 2009, 1:11 am

luchog wrote:
The only inappropriate touching is unwanted touching, regardless of the gender.

Agreed.



CaptainTrips222
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06 May 2009, 2:07 am

Calvin wrote:
What type of touching is inappropriate in a same-sex relationship? I only have a pinch of intuition.


Play it by ear. If you're not certain how someone would feel about contact, err on the side of caution and keep your distance. That works for me, but I'm usually not that tactile.



mikemmlj
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06 May 2009, 1:06 pm

Sea_of_Saiyan wrote:
By "same sex relationship", do you mean a regular friendship or a gay romantic relationship?

I've never been in a gay relationship, so I wouldn't have the slightest idea about what is appropriate in that area. However, in a regular friendship it seems to be best to keep your hands to yourself as a general rule of thumb. Sometimes an NT friend will ask for a hug or to arm wrestle or something along those lines - then it's ok to do it I guess.


AS a gay guy I just keep my hands to myself....


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Dentu
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09 May 2009, 12:42 am

I agree with unwanted touching being inappropriate touching. Personally I hate being touched. I'd really, really like people around me to recognize that as inappropriate touching.



obnoxiously-me
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09 May 2009, 7:09 am

I agree with the others here, if it makes you feel uncomfortable it's unappropriated.

Different cultures have different views on what is unappropriated. I was just visiting Norway, and there they have less body boundaries than in the US.



Ford_Prefect
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11 May 2009, 3:11 pm

It is also my problem. I don't know what is appropriate. I know that people are touching each other sometimes, that touch is part of communication and that touching has some rules. When somebody tries to touch me I feel it as intruding my "safe zone", nearly agression and demonstrating dominancy. (I really dislike hugging) When I want to touch anybody I am afraid that she should feel my touch in the same same way as me. I know that she probably allows me or even wants me to touch her but I have no idea how to recognise it.
(I have no problem to touch animals, especially dogs.)


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