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Mienai
Tufted Titmouse
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02 May 2009, 3:25 pm

I have realised that the reason everything sucks in my life (health aside) is because I am afraid:
- of confrontation, leading to
- of people, even on the street, let alone people that I have a clash of interest with,
- of rejection by people I approach to form relationships
- of risk

So I ask to anyone who knows how to overcome this, what resources or advice can you offer?

(Or hey, if you are afraid too, why not pipe up)



Zyborg
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02 May 2009, 3:35 pm

Mienai wrote:
I have realised that the reason everything sucks in my life (health aside) is because I am afraid:
- of confrontation, leading to
- of people, even on the street, let alone people that I have a clash of interest with,
- of rejection by people I approach to form relationships
- of risk

So I ask to anyone who knows how to overcome this, what resources or advice can you offer?

(Or hey, if you are afraid too, why not pipe up)


Sounds like you care what people think of you.

What is reason?

Do you want to have career or be respectable, or simply liked instead of rejected?



Mienai
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02 May 2009, 5:23 pm

I've never been interested in a career. The only thing I want in this world right now is to actually want this life, find a reason, find people with which to share it. Unless a career assists that, not bothered.

And sure, I care what people think about me. Is status not everything? Even those who say 'meh I don't care what they think' actually do, to whatever little degree. 'Course I'd rather not, but I can't do it.



Zyborg
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02 May 2009, 5:27 pm

Mienai wrote:
I've never been interested in a career. The only thing I want in this world right now is to actually want this life, find a reason, find people with which to share it. Unless a career assists that, not bothered.

And sure, I care what people think about me. Is status not everything? Even those who say 'meh I don't care what they think' actually do, to whatever little degree. 'Course I'd rather not, but I can't do it.


I have understood there is one thing people fear.

People who are frightened.

People could sense fear. They cannot read or interpret your body language. Therefore they do not now reasons behind your fear.

That fear make them resent you.

Are you also frightened of cats? And dogs?

No?

Start view people as cats and dogs. Problem solved.



mlqqeae
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06 May 2009, 2:05 am

Zyborg wrote:
Mienai wrote:
I've never been interested in a career. The only thing I want in this world right now is to actually want this life, find a reason, find people with which to share it. Unless a career assists that, not bothered.

And sure, I care what people think about me. Is status not everything? Even those who say 'meh I don't care what they think' actually do, to whatever little degree. 'Course I'd rather not, but I can't do it.


I have understood there is one thing people fear.

People who are frightened.

People could sense fear. They cannot read or interpret your body language. Therefore they do not now reasons behind your fear.

That fear make them resent you.

Are you also frightened of cats? And dogs?

No?

Start view people as cats and dogs. Problem solved.


I shall try that.



dalekaspie
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08 May 2009, 2:29 pm

fear is an illusion in itself and i don't listen to it



Gentleman
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08 May 2009, 11:43 pm

dalekaspie wrote:
fear is an illusion in itself and i don't listen to it


If you want to say that, you ought to argue that all emotions or feelings are illusions (and yes, you do listen to those).

As to the OP, I can understand where you're coming from. When I was younger I was afraid of a lot people, afraid of what others thought of me, etc. Of course, that was when I was bullied relentlessly in elementary and high school. I don't know why, but I know longer carry that same anxious fear. I can also say that I don't care what others think of me, so long as it doesn't stop me from doing what I want (to a degree of course -- I'm not a psychopath). Ironically people like me a lot more than they used to.

I can't really say how I developed and changed, but I guess the general attitude I have is: "I don't care what Einstein, Charlemagne, Aristotle, or Tennyson would think of me, so why should I care about what you think of me? If I am a lowly thing, so are you". It sounds ridiculously silly, selfish, and superficial to read that quote out loud, but no matter. Keep in mind that I don't over extend this attitude -- I always try to be kind to and understanding of people, and I am most certainly not arrogant. One way of looking at it (probably less immature too) is that you're just as human as anyone else; there's no reason to feel that they're remarkably better than you, or that their opinion of you is accurate. You should extend to yourself the same kindness to which you extend to others.



Dentu
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09 May 2009, 12:17 am

I think too highly of other people and too lowly of myself, putting me in the same boat. I think a lot of aspies do this. We're perfectionists at heart, even though we can't do things perfectly. But we're willing to excuse the lack of perfection in others because they don't know better. So we hurt ourselves and can't bring ourselves to know another human being, secretly despising the weaknesses in ourselves while overlooking it in others.

Realize that you're a human being, same as anyone else. You aren't perfect, and you deserve the same love and affection that you'd show to anyone else.

'Course, I say this and can't be that way myself. I think I might be a masochist at heart.



obnoxiously-me
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09 May 2009, 7:18 am

I find listening to music when I'm walking in public helps a lot.

For my social anxiety I've just decided that I gotta work through it. I can't give up, because then I'll never go out again.