Why does my friend always act depressed around me?

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TheIndignant
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16 May 2009, 3:59 pm

I've known a friend of mine for about 4 years, but lately, whenever I'd try to talk to her, she'd just give a "hey" and nothing more. Yet, when she's with her other friends. her personality flips and suddenly she's all happy. Is there something wrong with me?



Tahitiii
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16 May 2009, 4:19 pm

It could be a million things. You'll probably never find out. Chances are, she doesn't even know. Just learn what you can from it and move on.

One thing I've noticed is that a lot of people get depressed when they have to do any serious thinking, which is probably all you do. Soul searching? Politics? Relationship talk? Anything that requires sustained attention or intelligence brings them dangerously close to the realization that it's all a lie... We can't have that.



Lene
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16 May 2009, 4:48 pm

Could be a number of reasons.

I know that I have a few friends that are aspie/ish and I don't laugh as much around them, mainly because they are harder work to figure out and they themselves aren't the most lively/witty people on the planet - they are, however, very loyal, and I can count on them, whereas another friend might make me laugh, but also drop me like a brick when they felt like it.

In other words, don't read too much into it: they're still ahnging out with you, so they obiously enjoy your company. Perhaps they like talking bout deeper matters or being serious; always being cheerful can be exhausting at times.



elderwanda
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16 May 2009, 6:24 pm

Tahitiii wrote:
It could be a million things. You'll probably never find out. Chances are, she doesn't even know. Just learn what you can from it and move on.

One thing I've noticed is that a lot of people get depressed when they have to do any serious thinking, which is probably all you do. Soul searching? Politics? Relationship talk? Anything that requires sustained attention or intelligence brings them dangerously close to the realization that it's all a lie... We can't have that.


That's a good point, about the serious thinking. I think sometime I probably sound depressed around my son sometimes, because he has a tendency to talk about his special interest ALL the time, even when I'm trying to do or think about something else. Even though I want to be a good listener, it can be mentally draining trying to pay attention to it all.

Not that this is what is going on with the OP, but it might be something to consider.



Jacaen
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16 May 2009, 6:53 pm

Do you think she likes you romantically?



Tahitiii
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16 May 2009, 7:00 pm

Lene wrote:
...don't read too much into it: they're still hanging out with you, so they obviously enjoy your company.
That's true.
It's coming back to me. I have known some nice people, in the distant past. It's just that I've been stuck in this prison so long, it's like I've forgotten what the sun looks like (not literally).

Sometimes a cool-down means something important, sometimes it doesn't. You should make some effort to figure it out (you don't sound like a total clod) but at the same time, don't make yourself crazy when there's nothing to gain.

TheIndignant -- You didn't mention how old you and your friend are. Four years can be a long time, with lots of changes. The friendship could cool off for a while, then become important again later in life.



protest_the_hero
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16 May 2009, 8:13 pm

Maybe she's more comfortable showing her real feelings around you. Maybe you should ask her what's wrong.



beastinblack
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17 May 2009, 3:04 pm

exactly, I reckon she isnt afraid to be herself with you. Take it as a compliment!



WardenWolf
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17 May 2009, 3:13 pm

I agree. She feels she doesn't have to put on an act around you.


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FireMinstrel
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17 May 2009, 5:26 pm

I had that kind of thing happen to me in high school. Eventually, I realized those "friends" really just didn't want to be around me, and their mood shifts were actually cues that they wanted me to stop hanging around them.
I finally got the hint and made some new friends. Half of them are still my friends to this day.



TheIndignant
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17 May 2009, 6:06 pm

I don't see how she could be showing any "true feelings" if she isn't even talking to me. And I've asked her what's wrong a few times, and she just says that she's tired... and yet, a few minutes later, I walk away to go do something by myself and suddenly, there she is, with other friends, happy as can be. I don't understand this.

Jacaen wrote:
Do you think she likes you romantically?


She probably doesn't, seeing as she already has a boyfriend.