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Mienai
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23 May 2009, 2:03 pm

Don't like football or clubbing, am male = none either.



LAEMapsie
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23 May 2009, 5:47 pm

For me its like I have 0 Close friends, I have casual friends/acquaintances



MrKnott
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24 May 2009, 11:32 pm

Zero friends. Fell out with them 16 years ago when I stopped drinking. Two killed themselves, I have learned--I think they were like us. I have my my wife, but she ain't talking to me much these days. I talk to the people at work, some find me entertaining, but I couldn't picture myself hanging out with them. My kids, one AS and one NT, seem to like being around me. I can't even imagine a friend. I'm not sure if I want a friend, but I am lonely. I sometimes think of what I would say to my old friends (not the dead ones); but then I get it all "talked out" in my head, and I lose interest. People seem to be able to get along without me very well. I talk to myself a lot. Funny, I need to hear human voices all the time: when alone I must listen to mp3s of old raidio programs (Jean Shepherd, Bob and Ray, Goon Show, etc.) or NPR or an audiobook. Well good night-it's 12:30 am here. God bless all here is my prayer.



Scotty1
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25 May 2009, 1:34 am

MrKnott,

I am exactly the same way. I need to have some voices going out there. You are the only other person who I have ever come accross that listens to old radio shows. My girlfriend cracks up when she checks out my Ipod. Radio shows, NPR, BBC podcasts, etc...
It doesn't seem to take the place of people, but does at least occupy my mind.

I guess I am lucky. I have two friends and a girlfriend. The two friends are a lot like me, so the conversations are always about particular topics that we share an interest in. The girlfriend is usually fustrated by my AS type traits. She is not aware of my AS situation, and I don't plan on having that conversation, since I would prefer to not have the relationship end abruptly.

I would definitly like to learn how to "shoot the breeze" and mingle. I have tried going into bars and other social settings and I am good for an initial 3 minute introcuction. After that, I might as well be a barstool.

Recently my mother warned me that I will be a lonely old man someday. Sounds right. After all, I was a lonely child, teenager, young adult, and now a lonely middle aged man.



Greentea
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25 May 2009, 5:50 am

Scotty1 wrote:
I don't plan on having that conversation, since I would prefer to not have the relationship end abruptly.


This is as funny as it is sad. :lol: :(


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MrKnott
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25 May 2009, 9:47 am

Say, Scotty, one of the great things about WP is finding others who do the same "abnormal" things do. I will make noise if I am alone and in silence. I truly enjoy OTR (Scifi, dramas, etc.) and NPR talk shows and This American Life; but they are more than entertainment to me. I think I'd go completley mad if left with my own thoughts and sounds. And though I listen to a lot of very funny stuff, I smile, but rarely laugh. When I used to drink (and drink a lot) I'd often find myself alone in a bar. I noticed strangers introducing themselves to each other and starting conversations. Only the most desperate drunk would ever start talking to me. I think I emit "strange" signals, a slight odor, feremone (?) that NT people can detect from accross the room. I used to call myself Claude Raines (sp?)[Is that a name or a weather report?] One problem might be my lack of interest in sports, which today even a lot of women find odd. People sense this too: I've never had anyone at work ask me about "the big game" or whatever. I've nothing against sports, they're just something else that bores me. And people don't just expect you to enjoy watching, they want you to get excited, to really care. (About strangers playing a game!) I wasn't the worst at these games when I was kid, and I consider my time as a tank crew member in the army as being part of team--I've paid my "macho" dues, more so than most fans. But it ain't my idea of fun. I don't really have a good idea of fun. Lack of pain, lack of boredom, maybe.



SweetEvilCindy
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27 May 2009, 7:36 pm

i_wanna_blue wrote:
Yes, I have 0 friends. :( But in truth I rather have 0 friends than be around people who mistreat me and take advantage of me. In my life I've figured out one thing. Having a genuine 'friend' is almost impossible. A friend and someone you know are two completely different things.



Well, you do have a point, there.


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Bataar
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27 May 2009, 9:21 pm

I have some acquaintances that I hang out with in group activities sporadically. If an event is planned out well a head of time, I can usually get some of them together. But if I find myself home by myself on a weekend, I don't have anyone I can call on a spur of the moment thing and have them come over or make some other kind of plans.



Darian_C
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27 May 2009, 10:55 pm

I have plenty of friends because I happen to be very outgoing for an aspie but when it comes to girls I usually end up in the friend zone or get rejected.
I've just been introduced to the world of teen dating, and let me tell you... I'm not liking one bit of it :(

Because its at least 3-4x more difficult it seems to be 3-4x more rewarding when something good happens.
My guy friends wonder why like when a girl hugs me or anything like that why I make a big deal out of it when its something everyday to them, but it is a big deal, because for me any kind of affection shown from a girl is new to me and of course I'm not accustomed to love being shown but rather more being told to shut up or being ignored or something negative like that, and when being told to shut up or being talked about or ignored to other people is just like a huge shock, lol. I'll ask them if they would like to switch places.

If its a girl I like, chances are we'll never be more than friends, best friends at most but that's still far for me.
If its a girl I'm not interested in, chances are she might like me, but I won't share the same feelings.
If its a girl that happens to be friendly, chances are I'll overestimate the value of the actions taken upon myself.

Where I screw up lies in non-verbal and things your not supposed to do that I don't quite know about yet.

My cousin just laughs though at all of it because he can get with a girl so easily and make so many friends at school and can win fights with people because he's learning Thai Kickboxing, in a way he tries to help by giving me advice but he also downs me by ragging on my weaknesses (instead of politely pointing them out...? wait how is that possible). One of the reasons why it is very difficult to stand my cousin, he can be very stubborn and headstrong and won't take a smart reply lightly at all...

This is a common problem: Sometimes people find me cool and funny at first but after a while they don't want anything to do with me :(



Scotty1
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27 May 2009, 11:06 pm

MrKnott,

I never really thought about it, but I don't have an idea of fun either. I do stuff, sometimes pretty exciting stuff, but I can't say that I have fun, and I don't really even know what I could do that would be fun. In spite of this, I know I want to have it. At this point in my life I just work. It is not fun, and at least a couple of times a week I will work all day, and then all night with no sleep. It is odd that I am sure I know what having no fun is, without the actual fun experience to compare it to.

I too played sports and was on my H.S. football team. It was OK, but I just never got that into it. I recently started to force myself to read the sports pages to at least have this critical emergency info at hand. I worry that any move toward showing interest in mainline sports might get me trapped in an indepth converstaion where my lack of interest might become apparant. Getting judged an outsider for this is one of the most unfair things I can think of. It is hard enough to make it out there without watching grown men play children's games and earn millions while doing it. It actually makes me sort of mad.

I was also in the military, and really enjoyed the teamwork, but failed socially. As proof of my failure and perhaps weakness of mind, I point to my ex wife, who I met on base, and was also enlisted. I still have nightmares about her.

I'm lucky that I could pull off a joke or get a joke, but I wish i could figure out the "people having a good time together thing."
I too have sat in bars watching other people, wondering how I could copy their ablity to exchange.
I even thought that it might be something like some sort of bad vibe that I emit. I am pretty sure that I don't smell.

Maybe I look nuts, but I honestly don't think that is the case.

Claude Raines??? Didn't he get a "beautiful friendship" in the end???? I think the reference went over my head. Would you explain it for me?



MrKnott
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28 May 2009, 5:52 pm

Before his great role in Casablanca, Claude Raines was "The Invisible Man." Got to run--by the way,re your blog: I read Burmese Days in 1988, but can recall the angst of the Flory. The early Orwell novel I was stuck on was "Keep the Aspidistra Flying"--it was made into what appears to be a misguided film with Hugh Grant (!). I think critics are generally unfair to Orwell's pre-Animal Farm novels (A Clergyman's Daughter, Coming up for Air). One year, Orwell was my interest--I read just about everything he wrote and two biographies. He was the best friend I had at the time. He wasn't famous for getting along with people--of course some claim he wasn't NT. (You saw that coming, right?)



Scotty1
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29 May 2009, 10:05 pm

MrKnott,

Thanks for reading my blog. I think that I might have to make another, since I have come accross so many unusual things that last couple of months.

Yes, I saw that coming. I know that many think that Flory (the character of) was "Orwell," or at least part of him was. Flory had no real friend. Even Dr.Vatswani [sic] was using him.

I have not read "Keep the Aspidistra Flying." I will need to read it. I'll probably get a copy by the end of the week.

Not to jump off topic, but I often think that Wrong Planet should put a recommended reading list up and some critiques for books outside the topic of Autism. The combined reading power and intesity in a group like this would be just amazing and span a ton of topics.



TheLonelyGamer
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29 May 2009, 11:06 pm

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
Count me in as having 0 RL friends.

And having 0 Wrong Planet friends as well.

With a name like Anonymous you have a better chance over at 4 oh wait thats not gona go well at all.


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steeviebops
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05 Jun 2009, 6:09 pm

I don't have many friends either. I wouldn't say I have none whatsoever but don't really have someone I'd meet up with in public or go on a holiday with.



PrincessMR1899
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06 Jun 2009, 9:23 pm

Most of my "friends" are acquaintances, but I have a nice circle of REALLY close, trusting friends. I can actually just count them on my one hand. LOL probably 4-5 people that I can depend on. But it's better than having like 50 crappy friends that stab you in the back any chance they get.



Learning2Survive
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06 Jun 2009, 9:27 pm

I now guy from 8th grade who I've been like brothers ever since :)
And another guy sort of like that, but we rarely talk with him
And then three friends who are aspies and we hang out a couple of times a week
It's amazing that I spent years in school sitting on the computer, and it is just now that I have the social skills and actually am able to make friends if I do go out :)


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