My 1st child is AS

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"I guess we all do the best we can with the tools we have at the time. My older two kids are almost 24 and 25, but I was 18 and 19 when I had them. I would never have been able to handle a child like my 11 year old at that age."

I found this when Iwas browsing the topic "What would have helped me". (I only copy and pasted sorry!).

It got me thinking, my AS child is my first child (7). I also have a 2yr old. I have alot of hmmmmm...... lets call it indecision about which behaviours that he displays are AS or normal behaviour for a child of his age. My head knows that we are dealing with AS but my heart wants sometimes to believe otherwise. Am I condeming him to a life as being known as 'the one with that AS thing'. That sounds harsh in retrospect but I just want to do the right thing for him.
I am not new to this though. I have been trying to get my head around this for going on 4 years. Does it happen!?

Anyway my main question is, does any other parent out there have their 1st child dx'd AS. Do you ever doubt yourself or the dx.

Looking at the bright side of having a 1st child with AS, any other children after that can seem comparitively 'easy'. My 2yr old is no angel but I feel that I have seen it all before and am much better equipped to deal with any bad behaviour that does happen.

In reference to the above quote, I was also young when I had my AS son, (I was nearly 21). While it was and is still very difficult, I also think that I have learnt so much from this ongoing experience and am a much better person for it!

My 9 and 7 year old sons have Asperger's. I also have a 4 year old son.

I don't doubt the diagnoses.

I am fairly confident in my parenting, because I kow of this fabulous website called wrongplanet.net where I get great advice.

However I do get tired of having to fight. I'm off to do battle with the school again tomorrow.
It would be nice to relax because you knew they were getting the right support when they're at school.

Helen

my oldest has AS. he was always so happy to be alone. playing quietly. i thought this was normal.....when my NT son became a toddler, and was into absolutely everything, i thought something was wrong with him

I am a firstborn with suspected AS. Oddly enough, I was considered a good baby. I rarely cried and, my parents said, I even laughed a lot. I was very interested in books practically from birth. My problems didn't start manifesting until I began kindergarten.

My AS child was my first, and he was challenging from the get-go, in part because he was a sensory seeker in the area of touch, NEVER wanting to be put down, and in part because he is one of those AS kids that doesn't need much sleep, and that was also true from day 1.

I do not doubt his diagnosis, because once it was suggested, and I started looking into it, I realized that this diagnosis held the answers we had been looking for in so many areas with him. I felt I was finally handed a set of keys, and they have worked very well for us.

We are also very comfortable that our daughter, our second child, is NT. She was different from our son as a baby in almost every way and, while she could have been AS just in a different and opposite way, there really haven't been any indications that this is so. She is challenging at the moment simply because she is a very normal little girl, lol, but it is nothing more or less than that, we feel comfortable. I can compare notes with other parents and agree and laugh, in a way that really was not true about issues with my son (except when I come to places like this).

I think with all children there is always the question of if certain behaviors are intentional or done to manipulate, v. an indication of something deeper. I don't really spend much time thinking about what traits in my son are AS and which are not, unless the trait is creating a problem that needs to be solved, in which case knowing the "source" is part of the decision on how to deal with it. But I end up with a similar debate when it comes to my daughter, because she exhibits signs that have me worried she is prone to depression. Basically, I always want to be sure I can "catch" any problems that are arising for my children, so I am always looking at the problematic behaviors to see what is causing them. Which, I guess, I would do anyway, because to me cause and effect is an important flip side to consequences when it comes to keeping the kids in line and moving forward.

Lol, I feel like I'm rambling. I am not sure I have answered your question at all!

I too looked into as much info as I could find, but looking at some of the info and criteria for DX, I felt that some of the criteria described can be displayed in all kids from time to time.
Having said that though I'm realising that AS is as much a journey of self awarness for the parents as it is for the child.

My fourth child was diagnosed about a month ago, officially that is.

Yes, I still find myself doubting the diagnosis. Less and less now that I have learned and read more. I still wonder where the characteristics of a "gifted" child end and those of an "aspie" child begin.

I am relearning how to talk about things, and how to even think about the world and people. Yes, I doubt myself some days.

Having older kids didn't really help with noticing the differences my son seems to have. All of my kids are individuals. Sure there are similarities, and some family traits, but they are all different from each other...unique.

I am trying to not be afraid of the doubts, but to use them to figure out what I need to learn, or change, or maybe it's simply another assumption to abandon.

In some ways, this process is more about me and my parenting than it is about taking care of my son. But the changes will certainly help him out.

I don't doubt the diagnosis and I'm optimistic about the prognosis. I only have 1 child, but I often think he's easier in many ways than an NT child. He will follow rules (as long as I explain why the rule needs to be followed). He helps me around the house because he enjoys being in the same room with me and will help me put dishes away if that's what I'm doing. He's not embarrassed to be seen in public with me. Peer pressure means nothing to him. When he's happy about something (something as simple as seeing Mallard), he's happier than I ever get about anything.

He has a lot of typical childish defiance. The manifestation of his defiance is not usually typical, but I realize he's doing what other kids would do...just doing it a slightly different way.

I have been around lots of other children but still find it difficult. I know that we are not meant to compare children as they are all different, but I find mysellf doing it more and more as he gets older.

We had a shocker of a day yesterday and its on days like that I think "OMG, how could I doubt any of it, this child is DEFINATELY having problems in a big way." His defiance seems out of control and to me he comes accross as being/sounding like a very rude, moody, irritable and sometimes nasty boy. I will admit that I am a stickler for manners and can't stand children that have none. MAybe my standards are too high?
Having said that though, I think that maybe I'm starting to look at some of his behaviours with a fresh perspective.
Perhaps he really doesn't realise that the way he speaks is wrong and he really can't help it. MAybe this is the part of the whole AS thing that involves lack of empathy and lack of understanding social 'rules'.

Speaking of manners, at times he does have very good manners EG: Please & thank you, etc but probably isn't consistant with those sorts of manners.

it was amazing the changes that took place in our house once son had a dx....once we understood what AS meant.......all of sudden, it was so easy to look at his attitude as a manifestation of AS, and not the fresh attitude of a spoiled snot.

This is so true of my son too. He can seem very rude and downright hateful at times and then other times, his manners are excellent. I've had people come up to me and say, "Your son is the most polite kid." And, I know that's not the case. His behavior feels unpredictable, but I feel like he will get control over it eventually.