4NOOBZ: Common Are These Aspie Traits? (Yes)

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Tonight I begin my weekly open-forum (that means it's like open source!) discussion intended to help newbies. I call it 4NOOBZ, and you'll like it—even if you've been a member since 2004. In this episode, I shall elucidate how certain peculiar behaviors and characteristics can indicate presence of Asperger's syndrome.

• I pick my nose in public a lot, and my mom and dad and invisible best friend tell me to stop because it's gross. Is this an aspie trait?
  Behaviors such as nose-picking may imply miscomprehension of shared social norms of behavior vis-à-vis personal hygiene, and this is common in people with Asperger's syndrome.
• Sometimes I get the urge to dance around in a seizing manner. I make loud gurgling sounds and then sometimes defecate where I stand. Is this an aspie trait?
  Many individuals with AS report experiencing "sensory overload" which they attempt to alleviate through self-stimulating mannerisms or sometimes by "melting down" or "shutting down."
• Everyone I know is stupid. They say stupid stuff, have annoying opinions, and are just stupid. I correct them and remind them how stupid and wrong they are at every opportunity. Is this blunt honesty an aspie trait?
  Characteristic of persons diagnosed with Asperger's is a tactless lack of understanding of the nuances of the pragmatics of social discourse: conversational beats, appropriate topics of conversation, proper expression of opinions and disagreement.
• I collect the nutrition facts labels on food products, talk about them with anyone who will listen, and research them on the Internet. Is this an aspie trait?
  People with Asperger's often develop one or more restricted or stereotyped patterns of interest.
• I only eat the cheese off pizza, the cheese off hamburgers, and the cheese out of salads. Is this an aspie trait?
  Verily, you are Aspergic, for you have tasted the Assburger...with Cheese!

I haven't been able to keep a job because I usually say something that gets management pissed off at me for. Really, just because they have authority doesn't make them more valuable and shouldn't remove them from criticism that they rightfully deserve. Also, I'm slow at physical labor and am very precise in my work striving for perfection. Quality over quantity, you know? But they don't like that. So many reasons to fire me, so much crap to put up with.

So, is that Asperger's?