like the first time every time

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i totally understand that and agree it's not rebellion it's just like he's forgotten we've had that conversation 100 times before.

just wanted to know if it was a younger kids thing (he's 4 1/2) or an aspie thing or maybe both, i think i have my answer though.
and yes it is frustrating at times i can relate to a lot of what Jaleb, and tohers have said too.
thanks for all the input

I'll put it this way - putting his hands in his cup despite being told not to is a young kid thing. The way he responds, in that "first time" manner as you put it, is an aspie thing. It doesn't mean he has never heard it before, it is just different from what you expect. Aspies emote differently than NTs. You're going to have to get used to that and when you get a reaction that is other than what you expect you'll have to learn to add a layer of processing for yourself.

"Wait, that's not how he should react. What does that reaction mean? It probably doesn't mean what I think."

You're the parent and that is going to be on you. Good luck. It ain't easy.

My son learns this way too and it's a very frustrating process. I can teach him something and he gets it in the moment. He's very bright. When we revisit the skill in a few days, it's as if we never went over it before.

This is the way he acquired language and everything. It was a now-you-see-it-now-you-don't roller coaster ride, until eventually, the thing gets cemented in his brain and he retains the info.

I often wonder if this learning style is what keeps some people non-verbal.