School counselor, psychologist, etc.

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There have been a few discussions of school psychologists here, some of which I've participated in, and always wondered about schools who have them.

I'm 37 years old and the first time I'd ever even heard of a school counselor was 8th grade, my first and only year in public school. I got sent to her for having social problems and didn't understand what the point was. That was the first time in my life I'd ever heard of a school counselor. I had been to 5 other private schools before that and to my knowlege, none had counselors. That counselor of course did nothing for me other than talk to the kids who had been harassing me for most of the school year, but it didn't make a difference.

My only other run in with a school counselor was in grade 9, again for social problems and refusing to participate in hazing rituals for freshman students. It didn't help me at all since I thought she was just trying to convince me to conform like other people had tried to do. Again, I didn't see any point to there being a school counselor because the only solution they seem to come up with was conform or else.

Frankly when it comes to school counselors, psychologists, social workers, etc., I wouldn't trust any of them.

I've dealt with good school councilors and poor school councilors. But, even with the good ones, it helps to remember that the school pays there salary. I don't think that means they will hurt children, just that they are more likely to set limits and think of compromises first.

Same with teachers. Some good, some not.

BeeBee

Sometimes when J is having a hard time because someone has hurt his feelings or he is "stuck" in a mood, he will go to see the counselor on his own to talk about what is bothering him. He usually talks with me when things are bothering him, but sometimes he may not like my answers and wants to talk with someone else about his problem. Sometimes our emotions get in the way, and we might not see things clearly, so it might be good to discuss ideas with a non-involved person. They might have some good ideas on how to deal with a situation or problem. Occasionally, there might be something we don't even want to tell our most trusted confidants. A counselor can be useful in these circumstances.

I'm 22 and as far as I know, every school I've been to had a school counsellor.

I only got sent once, because of breaking out in tears for no (obvious) reason in my 6th grade class. Looking back, it was probably meltdown related. I don't remember much of the conversation with the counsellor except it was no help whatsoever. I remember it as a long lecture on why it was wrong to cry over little things, though my memory and perception at the time were probably quite skewed.

Later on in high school, I would have seriously considered talking to the consellor, except that I'd already been watching her surreptitiously and decided that she was far too naive, closed-minded and (feminine/caring) to be of any help. She once broke down in class when she was making a presentation, because all but one of the students put up their hands saying they believed abortion was ok. It was a religious school, and I figured that if I went to her, she'd just tell me that praying would solve all my problems.

So I didn't have the world's greatest experiences with school counsellors, but I'm still in favor of their existence as a general rule.

I can't offer much just tell you that I feel the same way about our psych at this point!

Interesting. Only 2 that I know of had counselors, I went to a total of 7 schools.

I got sent a total of 4 times. The first time was in 8th grade when this girl was picking on my and a told to her f*** off and called her a b****. She told the teacher and we both got sent to the counselor's office to cool off. The counselor told me not to say things like that to members of the opposite sex. She even repeated what I said in telling me not to say those things. I thought it was kind of funny hearing that out of some stuffy adult.

The second time was also in 8th grade when another teacher saw I was constantly getting into arguments with and being harassed by other students, so she referred me. The counselor talked to the students who were doing it, but of course, nothing changed.

The 3rd time was in 9th grade in high school. I was standing my ground against being initiated by senior students during freshman hell week. One day when some seniors came into a classroom and yelled "air raid," the other students got down on the floor and I just sat in my desk acting like nothing was happening. I got sent to the counselor who tried to talk me into allowing myself to be hazed, to which I refused.

The 4th time was again in 9th grade. I got into a shouting match with another student who decided to start picking on me the minute I walked in the door and other students joined in tormenting me. Someone decided to go get the counselor so I wouldn't get in trouble. I talked to her for about 5 minutes until class started. The only reason it made a difference was because a school official was present, they stopped harassing me.

That was my last run in with her. I thought she was utterly clueless about my situation and the only help she offered was to convince me to conform to their narrow definition of what a person should be. I'm not a conformist, never have been, never will be.

There's a big difference now with how counselors handle situations. When you and I were in school AS had not been really discovered, and certainly not fully understood. Today, things are much different, at least in the area where I live. Not everyone in the school quite understands the differences in Aspie children, but they realize there is a difference and are more willing to learn about AS.

In addition, I am a more informed parent. I saw my father struggle with coming to terms with his differences, and now it is my responsibility to help my son. My father was a brilliant man, but had trouble with all of his relationships. He was never dx'd with AS, but I'm positive that is what made him different.

I am very vocal with my son's school. They know that I know my son's rights. I treat them with respect and expect the same in kind from them toward me and my son. J is nine, and so far everything is working out the way I think it should. He is a happy boy...he still and may always struggle with relationships, but on the whole he is feeling successful.

AS wasn't really recognized until the early 1990s. It's sad how so many have had to suffer but at least now, maybe things will start to come around.

Alot of people thought I had few or no social skills. I was also told I had to learn how to just get along. Why should I get along when others are the agressors and have no desire to get along with me? I was often seen not only as different, but as an outsider, and I'm not sure which is worse.

Another problem I had with these counselors was they didn't understand why in addition to male students, I also had conflicts with female students. They seemed to not understand how it was possible that a male student could have a conflict with a female student and often treated those conflicts like a joke saying things like "She likes you" or such nonsense.



Glad to hear things are working out. I wish I'd had a parent who was 100% on my side when I was having all those problems with schools. Childhood would have been so much easier if I had. The only right my parents seemed to recognize my having was "The Right To Remain Silent"<grin>.

To be honest with you, as we get older everyone has their quirks and differences. It doesn't really matter if you're NT, AS, OCD, ODD, ADD, ADHD, etc. I disagree with conforming to how everyone else is or "keeping up with the Joneses." I really don't care what the Joneses are doing or even how they view me or my family. I try to explain this to J, but he is so young and just wants to be like everyone else and be liked by them. He has no idea he's Aspie. I haven't told him yet. One, he wouldn't have a clue what I was talking about, and two, I don't ever want him to use it as a crutch. He's wicked smart in areas where most others his age are not. In the areas where he struggles, I push him to work harder on them, try to over-come them, and not be afraid of them. When he does over-come them or work hard on them, I stop and tell him how really proud I am of him and how much I love him. I tell him not to worry about the "Joneses," because in the end it doesn't really matter. All that really matters is taking care of yourself and your family and learning to be comfortable with who you are.

I don't care what others think of me either. I prefer to just be myself. I know we all have our quirks and our differences, but we should just be allowed to be who we are.

One reason I sad I was also seen as an outsider was because my parents frequently moved me between schools. Between grades 1-8, I went to 6 schools. Since I was always a transfer student, I was always seen as an outsider and the fact I was different didn't help much. It didn't bother my sister much, as she was able to always fit right in, something I could never do.