2 problems, advice/help please

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Problem 1- Damien hasn't been using his words as much as he normally does. He gets so far then stops like the words are coming then he forgets them or muddles them, he totally forgets what he has to say or straight out doesn't respond or refuses to. Yesterday evening he kept grabbing toys off another child because he had forgotten what to say and even when I reminded him he wouldn't say it. He strugged and sobbed before wipe down (see prob 2) because he didn't like it but once again didn't say anything. I am sick of having to play mindreader!! It seems I have to try and work it out and ask him questions so I know what he wants/doesn't like.

Problem 2- He has gone anti shower again, even a wipe down is getting difficult. He doesn't seem to understand that he needs to get clean. Even wiping peepee in the morning is a bit tricky (he wears Drynites at night) and he flat out refuses to do it himself.

Rule One, don't give up, no matter what.
Rule Two, be consistent.

Even if he takes a step backwards keep working. You will be rewarded. During waking hours, interact with him at least every 20 minutes. When I was a small child, I was very low functioning, and I did not speak my first word until well after I was four years old. Even though i am still autistic and always will be, I am very successful in life. I joined the service, graduated college, and have had many successful jobs. I can even do a decent job of acting NT.

You can do it

Hmm . . . I am trying to remember how old your child is. I seem to remember he is at school and maybe around 6 yrs (correct me if I'm wrong).

Re Problem 1 . . . my son is a bit like that. By the time he is getting into meltdown mode, he is passed using language, and it is very hard to determine what the problem is. Often I'll think that I know what the problem is, only to find out hours later that something completely different was bugging him. He usually can't stand my verbal "interrogation", even if I am trying to be completely understanding and helpful.

Regarding the non-talking and taking toys off other kids, I reckon you just need to keep reinforcing the correct behaviour and eventually he'll get it. What's helped my son is going back to some of these situations later and using a photo or picture and writing down the "right way" and "wrong way" of dealing with it. Eg. see if you can find or draw a picture of a child looking at another child with a toy. Then write down, "The boy wants to play with the toy the child is playing with." Then write down together the right/wrong ways, so he can see it visually. Perhaps even compile some of these in a scrapbook, and drag it back out if he keeps repeating behaviour.

Another thing I have found very helpful (and time-consuming!) when my son is upset and cannot talk, is writing a list of 3-4 questions, each with around 4 tick boxes of possible answers.
Eg. 1. I am feeling a) angry; b) sad; c) happy; d) annoyed. 2. I feel like this because a) someone was mean to me; b) I hurt myself; c) I am tired. etc. etc. I also make sure that I leave some questions with an "other:__________________________" option and allow him to fill in the blank. Often it is this that will give me the most insight into what is happening. I find that this really works and helps me get that insight into his mind, that he doesn't feel he can communicate verbally.

Re Problem 2 . . . haven't had this problem myself, but have you tried a sticker/tick chart where 10 stickers gets him a treat he'd really lik? Just a thought.

#1- have you tried using a PECS board to assist him ?......sometimes when agitated, language is very difficult. maybe if he had pictures to help him respond, it'd help the situation.......

#2- I'm trying to understand the situation, so please don't take my words the wrong way.....Is he capable of washing himself & refusing.....Or is it that he doesn't want you washing him ?......Or is it that he won't wash regardless of who does it ?