CAN ANYONE HELP?

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Hi there,
Had a slightly similar situation with my son when he was at High school - I agreed that he do the detention but made it clear to the school that I didn't feel it was justified and why. I used this occasion to make sure the school knew what his difficulties were, that he was unable to advocate for himself, so I would do that, and that they absolutely must make allowances for his differences.
On the whole the school were very good and some individual teachers were wonderful, especially a couple who wanted to know how best to help him and met with me. However, I had to rattle a few cages in order to get the help he needed and though I bent over backwards to be tactful, the school immediately went on the defensive. I'm a teacher myself and sadly, I know that's what many teachers do if they feel they're being criticised.

The behaviour of the other kids in your son's class, as you describe it, catcalling etc. is absolutely unacceptable and no self-respecting teacher should let that go. Do not apologise to the school, you haven't done anything wrong, but maybe you can use this incident to set up a meeting with the Deputy Head or the Head of his Year, or someone with whom you can build a relationship and contact whenever you need to. Emphasise that you're not primarily concerned with laying blame (although you may be) but only in improving the situation. Acknowledge the teacher's difficulties in dealing with your son and ask what the school and you can do to make things better. Try and stress the partnership between home and school, but remember they are the paid professionals and it is their responsibility to educate your son in an environment that's emotionally, as well as physically safe. If they can't do that they are failing professionally and if at all possible you may want to look for a different school for him.

We sent our son to a Catholic Co-ed school (many schools in NZ are single-sex), though we're non-catholics as we felt the gentler, community ethos might be kinder to him - as it proved to be.

It's very hard when we see our beloved children being badly treated, but I know from experience you'll get better results from not dwelling too much on the failings of the school and teachers (although you can curse them in private) and instead focus on how you and they can work together to help your son.

Hi there. My 15 year old son has just been diagnosed and this has made all the difference. Before he had endless problems with the school. I lost count years ago of suspensions and he has been kicked out of 4 schools. He was violent at home and at school and often would walk out of classes and that was the good behaviour.
I had spoken to the teachers on many occasions about management of his problems (now know it is AS) but many ignored me and provoked him to the point of police being called. When this happened I spoke to the principal and arranged for him to be removed from the class permenantly and moved to a different class with a teacher that would work with him.
Now that we know what we are dealing with we have a whole new class schedule only with teachers that understand and they are finding that everyone is happier. He is very bright and now that he can be engaged in class activities everyone is benefiting from it.
Talk to the principal of the school and if not go to the education department. They are there to help not to cause distress.

I think the above posts are all very good, and I only have one thing to add. My instinct tells me to get your child assigned to a different class. What I've noticed with my son is that the stress from prior bad experiences can really linger, so that no matter what changes with a teacher, just walking into the same room puts him two steps closer to a meltdown. If you can remove that associatiion, and start with a clean slate in a new room with a more accomodating teacher, you will improve the chances of success. A LOT.