THE SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL EYE CONTACT

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I discovered (quite by accident) that I have a certain look that I do by staring the person in the eyes and imagining that columns of ice were going from me to them. An old girlfriend said it freaked her out because when I did that my eyes were totally devoid of emotion. Its fun to use on the "tough guys" at the mall. They look at me like I'm a serial killer with bloody chainsaw still in hand.
Another one I have some fun with is where I shake my eyes rapidly back and forth. Has the same effect as fingernails on the chalkboard.

Are you sure you can fill a whole article with 'Secrets' about making eye-contact? Seriously, I think it just takes practice... here are some tips.

*Practice with people on the television. When someone is talking and the camera is close to them, look into their eyes.

*If eye contact is a must, pretend the other person is a clone of yourself. You will feel more comfortable.

*Psych yourself out.

Don't know if you meant it to come across this way, but you sound a little derisive, my friend.

To answer your question:

I DID write a whole aritcle on it. It has since had more reads than just about anything else on this site, and a lot of aspies have written to tell me that it has helped them enormously.

I haven't had a chance to read the other replies so I hope this isn't redundant. I find this article to be accurate from a NT standpoint.

When I am having a conversation with someone I don't maintain constant eye contact, it's more of the "checking in" that the article described. If I am making gestures with my hands while I talk, I will look down at them occasionally, then "check in" with the other person from time to time just to see if they are interested in what I have to say. If the other person is doing most of the talking I will look at them more than if I were talking, but it's not uncomfortable b/c they are the ones who are looking around then "checking in". I think too much eye contact is uncomfortable for anyone.

If I am speaking to someone and they make absolutely no eye contact, I will conclude that they don't want me to speak with them. However, if the person tells me that the lack of eye contact is due to autism or asperger's, then I would understand and ask them to tell me if they are not interested b/c I don't want to bore anyone senseless.

Until the public is more educated there will continue to be many misunderstandings b/t NT's and everyone else. I didn't even know aspergers existed until I found out my son is autistic.

I had a similar experience: I didn't know about AS, then I found out I am autistic. Se la vie...

I'm glad you found the article valid from the NT standpoint. That's the standpoint I have to learn to express correctly, for sure.

How old is your son? How's he doing with his aspie-ness?

Hi GroovyDruid

My son is three and is doing great. He is a smart little cookie. He's been reading since he turned two which is amazing. He has a little trouble with speech and language but he makes progress everyday. He is a little trooper and I can't say enough good things about him.

I learn so much from this site. It helps me to understand my son better, and is preparing me for issues that may come up in the future. I'm sorry for all the misunderstandings from us NT's (although I don't feel all that typical ) and I can't wait for the day when we all get along.

How old were you when you realized that you are autistic?

I was 24 years old when I was diagnosed with AS, but I was pretty certain of it about a year before. My entire life up to that point I was sure something was up, but I never was able to put my finger on it. I thought it might be severe dyslexia, or terminal weirdness, etc.

That's great that you're gearing up to head off your son's difficulties. He'll have a much different life than those of us who grew up without any understanding of our unique spot in life. I'm glad to hear it. I love to think that, because of some good talking, some little guy will be spared certain painful experiences.

I was 24 years old when I was diagnosed with AS, but I was pretty certain of it about a year before. My entire life up to that point I was sure something was up, but I never was able to put my finger on it. I thought it might be severe dyslexia, or terminal weirdness, etc.

That's great that you're gearing up to head off your son's difficulties. He'll have a much different life than those of us who grew up without any understanding of our unique spot in life. I'm glad to hear it. I love to think that, because of some good talking, some little guy will be spared certain painful experiences.