Philosophical Question: Is Romantic Love Egocentric?

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I am finding this thread very interesting.

I actually don´t really count this as being "egocentric"; I think it´s a given that people are going to be attracted to some, but not others; or that you may fall in love with one person, but not another. Also, it is a given that once you have these feelings, it is possible that they may change someday. "Love"- the feeling- is sort of mysterious, who knows how it happens really? I guess what I mean is, once it happens, is it based on ego and its needs (satisfy me, be the person I want, etc.)- or does it just exist as a feeling, regardless of what you get from the person? Or a mixture of the 2?

By the way, people tend to talk about a mother´s love for her child as being "unconditional"; however, even this love is often "conditional". Just like romantic love, ideally, it would be nice if it were unconditional. However, I´ve heard of too many people who were never quite accepted by their parents, or felt they had to fight for approval...somehow, again, when I see, hear and read about what´s going on in the world, what I see is that the ideals we humans have about love don´t always seem to pan out. Maybe we are still an evolving species, and haven´t quite "gotten there" yet?

For anyone who is interested, here is one of my favorite definitions of romantic love: http://leb.net/~mira/works/prophet/prophet2.html

I see our lives as being nine tenths fantasy.. and the other tenth we actually live.

By fantasy I mean having expectations that never materialise.

When it comes to romantic love.. as much as I enjoy it.. as a passing chapter.. I’m a cynic.. when it comes to lasting relationships.. because this is not what I have experienced myself.. and I don’t see much evidence of it going on around me either.

What happens when the other doesn’t meet with the required expectations.. what then.. ?

What happens when all the human failings come to the surface.. ?

Like emotional indifference.. apathy.. intolerance.. jealousy.. addictive behavior.. obsession... spite.. etc.

Then there is boredom.

In the beginning the relationship is always exciting.. and us humans mostly thrive on excitement.. it makes us feel alive.

But once we get to know a person.. then.. maybe.. they are not so exciting anymore..


Since romantic love is more concerned with satisfying ones own physical.. emotional.. (and sometimes even the intellectual).. needs……... it must be ego orientated.

Would a man.. or a woman fall romanitically in “love” with a beggar sitting in a doorway..?

Yet he/she might feel compassionate love.. and express it by offering some help or support.

A healthy psyche will respond to the needs of others…

Giving support through talking.. or actions… and expecting nothing in return..

It seems to be driven by a sense of empathy.

Whereas romantic love is much more based on having expectations towards the other person.. that the other can give them something.. in return for their “love”.

If we are honest.. men want women.. because they feel a strong instinctive need to have sex.. which preoccupies them a lot of the time.. and men.. mostly.. look towards women to satisfy this instinctive need.

If it was only companionship they wanted.. they might as well move in with a friend.

I’m not sure what women want men for.. I don’t have any theories on that at all..

Ego.. seems mainly to do with the.. I want.. part of our nature.

It is the lower spirit.. the spirit which hungers to meet the body’s requirements.

Which is not a bad thing in itself……….. but it is not everything..

We have much greater potential.

Where we differ from animals is.. we all have a potential to express a higher spirit.. some may call it God..

I tend to see it more as a natural trend in evolution (I see evolution as being much more than just biological).. meaning.. that our consciousness is evolving.. and like the universe is expanding towards greater things.. exploring all its possible potentials.. the experience of romantic love being only one of them.

Because of this.. ALL experiences should be seen as transitory.

The unwritten law of the universe is.. that given time.. everything changes.

This higher spirit operates over and above ego (instinctive behaviour).. and is manifest through awareness of the needs of others.. caring for others.. more than we care for ourselves.

It can also be manifested though the intellect.. in the form of wisdom.. which is something one gives freely.. not at a price.. so again it is about giving to others.

It is also manifested through devotion to truth.. justice.. freedom.. etc.

Values that we pursue for the benefit of others.. rather than ourselves.

The Self.. like a house.. has levels.. and the person we are depends on the level we happen to be living on.. and how much time we spend there.

Romantic love often.. ends up in the attic.. along with all our other past memories.. each one having their own box.

While our good deeds remain.. as contributions towards change.

Kahlil Gibran also wrote..

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“Like the ocean is your god-self; It remains for ever undefiled. And like the ether it lifts but the winged. Even like the sun is your god-self; But your god-self dwells not alone in your being. Much in you is still man, and much in you is not yet man, but a shapeless pigmy that walks asleep in the mist searching for its own awakening.”

http://www.apocatastasis.net/OccultLibr ... hment.html

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Then there's obsessive "love"..

is that love.. really.. ?

Or just another manifestation of ego..

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Last edited by Accelerator on 16 Oct 2008, 10:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is. ~Forrest Gump

KISS=
Keep
It
Simple
Stupid