Isolation

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Doing Psychology today I was just thinking about how all of Erikson's adolescence theories describe me to a tee.

-Fear of Intimacy.
I have no friends at my new college. I'm 17, going on 18 and I've never had a girlfriend. I get the feeling this is going to continue throughout my whole life. In conversations people ask me about things I really don't care about (music and such) and I feel out of place when I say I don't know that or don't listen to it. I can never really get into a conversation unless it's about what I'm interested in. I tend to make a lot more friends online, because I'll usually be in a place where people are interested in the same things as me (writing communities and, a while ago, MMORPGs).

-Industry.
I can't do homework, I just can't concentrate on it. When I do get some done it takes me an incredibly long amount of time to do, and I obsess over minor details for ages. For this reason my old College kicked me out, regardless of the fact that I was getting higher grades than many who stayed. Whenever I think about this I can't help but cry, I don't know what it is. Just utter failure and humiliation.

-Identity Diffusion.
Like the others, this has been bugging me for years now. I don't really know what I want to do, only recently I've started thinking about games journalism as a serious career path. Regardless I haven't really taken any steps towards it, I find it impossible to apply for universities, it's all really confusing. I remember when I chose my options I had no idea, I stressed up until the last day when I chose them, at which point I still didn't really know what I wanted. I really want to be a fiction writer, but it's hard because it takes me so long to write/type anything. I've taken a step towards that with doing a lot of online writing, but it's still going to be difficult to maintain that with a job.

-Failure to Organise Time.
With all pieces of coursework/homework, I leave it up until the last day. I have extremely poor organisation skills, and I really don't know what I'm doing. My sleeping patterns are nonexistant, I prefer being up during the night because I can sit in peace without being disturbed, but that screws up my school attendance because I do tend to sleep a lot. Basically I sleep during the day if I can. Usually I'm in the midst of trying to 'fix' my sleep patterns at any given time, which is highly stressful. Usually I'll get anywhere from a few days to a couple of weeks of 'normal' time before I slip back and just stay up one night, sending things back to haphazardness.


Right now I just feel completely hopeless and depressed. I went into my first lesson today, but I didn't really feel any better. I was so tired from not sleeping that I went home after that, and managed to stay awake painfully until around 6pm, when I fell asleep. I have a fantastic Psychology teacher at the moment who is the first person ever to really help me. She seems to know immediately when I'm sitting in a classroom waiting for specific instructions not knowing what to do, or too nervous to ask. When I miss coursework and homework she doesn't make a big deal or humiliate me about it like other teachers would, because I can't do it. With my absences she tends to be a lot more understanding, just saying for me to come in when I can. As a result I tend to attend Psychology more than any other class.

I don't know what it is ... I just want to talk to someone, I just feel desperate for some kind of contact, or to talk to someone, anything, about this. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about how depressed I feel, but yet it's pushing me into a crushing isolation. If anyone wants to just talk here ... be my guest.

I'm really sorry to hear that you feel depressed and isolated. I'm sure most of us here identify with all or most of your points. Perhaps we're all stuck in adolescence. I can't offer instant solutions, of course, there aren't any. But if your depression persists or deepens, go see your doctor. I'm not a fan of long-term medication myself, but in the short-term it might help. You might be lucky enough to be in a part of the country where psychotherapy is available; if you're even luckier, you might find a good therapist.

Keep talking on WP; even those who don't post a reply will be listening. What do you write? Is any of it online? That might give people something to talk about. Good luck, Gregorz, from a fellow nocturnalist.
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__homage to hans asperger__

I can relate to a few things you've mentioned in your post It's bad that you feel like this and I can't offer much help either.

As ancientofdaze said, it's good your posting here and getting it out to talk about. You said that your Psychology teacher is one of the people who actually help. Is it possible for you to talk to her sometime after class about some of your problems? She may have some good advice on some of the things with time management for sleeping and homework and stuff, and she might also just be able to listen so you can actually talk to someone about it all face to face? I don't know if that's a feasible option but as you mentioned she seems to recognise your needs, maybe you could take it a step further and talk to her a little more often about your problems?

I can relate to that as well. Recently I have felt that my mental facilities are deteriorating as some times I can be so out of it that it takes me minute to thread a simple thought together rather than seconds. I just feel depressed and tired. Now, I know that my mental facilities are not deteriorating, but sometimes I just feel like I can't concentrate or am just so fatigued that I wind up taking a 3 hr long nap in the middle of the day.