HELP! 6 YR. OLD ASPIE WON'T DO CLASS OR HOMEWORK

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This is my first time entering a message on this site. Unfortunately I learned about the site from the tragic report on William Freund on Good Morning America. Learning about this site was a blessing for me. My son is currently undergoing NAET treatments that I read about from one of the parents on this site; so far no progress though. I have looked into sensory integration therapy and am trying to get him in a socialization therapy group.

We started noticing some significant differences in his development and behavior at age three; as pointed out by his Mother's-Day-Out teacher. He was evaluated by the school board and given a speech/receptive language exceptionality. After being seen by a pschologist he was diagnosed at age five with Aspergers.

He loves spinning on his sit-n-spin (currently while listening to hip-hop music); has exceptional memory with names, events, the exact number of a song on any of his CD's; he loves all kinds of music country, jazz, blues, christian, etc. and loves to play outside and ride his bike. Likes to move things to where he thinks they should be, wtih like things together. He would not care if televison and movies never existed.

In his young life, he has already had extreme negative response to his behavior (i.e. being spanked by his pre-K teacher, being informed about boot-camp). He has always fixated on any negative response or recourse. Therefore, since the age of 3 we have always used positive behavior plans (sticker chart & tickets for rewards box) to help him accomplish some of the things that did not come naturally (i.e. keeping hands, feet and objects to yourself; using words to express what he needs, feels, etc. and so on). We have been working with him since he was three on many issues, so he does make eye contact, respond when spoken to, uses manners, etc. He does like having and playing with friends. He is also very compasionate and remorsefull if he says or does something ugly to his younger brother, his Dad, or another friend or grown-up outside of the family.

The biggest obsticle is his immediate opposition to everyday things: getting out of bed, getting dressed, eating with utensils rather than fingers, putting on shoes, brushing teeth. Common words are "I don't want to. . . " , "I'm not going to . . .", and "No you aren't . . ." (response to consequences). I think the greatest obstacle of his Asperger's is the ODD. He presently is not doing his school work with out or homework without a great deal of coaxing and time. He is not refusing to are saying he won't do it, he is just not doing it. At school he may just sit for an hour at his desk, doing nothing, having only written the day and date on his page. He does not get to go to recess if he does not do his work in class. He had to stay late after school for a behavior clinic (detention) for not doing his work in class. At home, it takes him all afternoon to do a small amount of homework (that he is very capable intelectually of completing) and he misses any outside play time. I also notice during homework that he cannot stay focused for more than thirty to sixty seconds. Other than on the weekends, he has no down time until he goes to bed. I am at a loss for what to do to get him to do his work at school and at home so that he can have some free time. Both positve rewards and negative consequences are making no difference to give him the incentive or interest to do his work.

I am meeting once again with several representatives of his school on Thursday morning to try to come up with some new incentives/ideas to get him to do his school/class work. He is in an inclusion class which is 1/2 the size of an average class, with a regular and special ed teacher. The team of teachers and administrators at his school has really worked hard to come up with the best plans to help him. We ususally have to meet 3-4 times a year to address new behavioral obstacles.

I would GREATLY APPRECIATE any ideas from anyone who has experienced this. Incentives, accomodations, or modication for his home or school enviroment that will help him be and feel successfull. Thank you for any responses.

Hello, I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. My 11 yeasr old AS son does pretty much the same thing. Except his vocabulary is riddled with cursing. His first words were "can't and won't"
I have found that any thing that employs money as his reward usually helps, although homework is still a serious problem. For example, he may turn in one assignment a week.
If you ever find something that works please message me.

I have three book suggestions. One is The Explosive Child by Ross Greene, Ph.D. the next one is The Out-of-Sync Child by Carol Stock Kranowitz, M.A. and the last one is 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D., because these books helped me better understand my daughter, who has some difficulties similar to your son's. What did you find out about the sensory integration therapy when you looked into it? I think your son may have some sensory integration issues from what you have written.

For the everyday issues that are a conflict with your son, I would suggest letting as many of them go as possible for now and adding the ones you can't let go to his sticker chart (if that still motivates him) or trade tickets for the rewards box for them. If it is possible for the issues you can't let go, offer him a positive limited choice. For example, if he needs to get his shoes on you could try, "Would you like to put your shoes on yourself or would you like me to do it?" Or you could try, "Would you like to wear your tennis shoes or your boots today?" You could offer one ticket per day for cooperation with getting dressed, including shoes, whether he dresses himself or allows you to help without dispute. If you think part of the issue with getting dressed is because of the sensory issues, you could try turning socks inside-out and buying soft cotton clothes and cutting out the tags so they will not irritate him. Also since several issues you have with him involve him getting ready for school in the morning, I would suggest getting up yourself half an hour earlier and getting yourself ready first and then getting him up earlier as well after you have yourself ready so you have more time for him to do what he needs to do since rushing him can make him become more stressed and therefore more oppositional. At least this helped me with my daughter with getting ready for school issues.

One thing that helps my daughter with the rewards box is there is a variety of prizes for various prices in tokens that she earns for doing certain things. Many of these prizes come from our occasional shopping trips together when she wants something and I offer to buy it for her prize box so she can earn it with tokens. Her latest prize she earned was a Wizard Kit with several tiny books with magic tricks and magic props for the tricks. She had to work a long time for 150 tokens for that one but she chose to buy stickers several times while she saved most of her tokens for the big prize. Trips to the dollar store are great for finding prize box prizes, by the way. If you go this route, it is very important to include at least one thing he already does well so he earns at least one ticket per day for his prize box. Also you want only a very few things he needs to improve on the ticket system. Otherwise he might become discouraged. As he becomes proficient in certain things, you can remove them from the ticket system with a celebration and add new things.

Where is he doing his homework at home? Do you have a beanbag chair in a quiet area with no distractions or could you try a Disc-o-Sit for him to sit on so he can be wiggly without leaving his chair? Could you divide the homework into tiny bits at first and give him a Sit-n-Spin and music break for each success? How much homework are we talking about here for a first grader? If it is excessive, you might talk to the teacher about reducing it.

I have usually been lucky with my daughter doing a small reasonable amount of homework because there is a television show she is nuts about that comes on about 45 minutes after she gets home from school so I can say, "I hope you can finish your homework before the show comes on, else we will have to keep working and maybe miss some of your show." A few times it has been World War III getting her to do it, even using all my tricks, but she usually finishes in time.

I hope some of this helps. I'm glad you posted.

the morning transition is always one of the hardest times for us ~ when my son was younger, we got away with having him dress the night before ( at least that was one less thing to have him do in the morning).
as far as the homework goes, perhaps he needs more prompting when he's in school~ my aspie , most of the time, will not do Anything unless he's told to....so unelss you tell him that he needs to begin doing something, he won't begin.of course, the oppositional traits make asking him a little difficult at times....it certainly is tiring coming up with ways to phrase: " it's time for bed, you need to get off of the computer."

I am having the same trouble with my 11 year old son. He was just diagnosed and the things Im reading about to help him in school seem too childish.... cards to remind him to put his math book away and pull out his english book ..... The doctor told me his IQ is high, but he is currently failing 5th grade, he wanders around the classroom or reads. Does anyone know of a book that is for preteens?

Hi Mimi. My son is 11, and was dx last year with AS, so we flew blind for quite a few years!

By the time he was 5, we figured out if he was ever going to get to school, he had to do all his usual morning stuff at night. He takes his shower at night and dresses for school. (tshirts and sweats are all he'll wear anyway). In the morning he pops on his shoes (usually velcro or slip on) and it's off to the bus. (he has a "buzz" cut and gets breakfast at school). With the backpack already packed the night before and by the door, we don't have to deal with any executive functioning issues in the AM when no one is in the mood!

You mentioned ODD - while it can be seen comorbid with AS it is not part and parcel in all children. This is a separate issue we aren't dealing with and so I know little about.

As for the homework, if it would take him a half hour to do it straight through, it is probably too much anyway. Look into getting the iep written with no more than 15 mins worth of homework. I've found with my kiddoes, NT and AS, if I start badgering them to do something they are less likely to do it. I've learned to back off and make schoolwork their responsibility, and it's worked out well.

I'm also not too familiar with the type of therapy you mentioned, however you said you're not seeing results?

It seems most of your problems are resulting from transitions, which is common. Try to give yourself plenty of lead time, and give him lots of "heads up" notices, so that you're not just whipping him out of bed at the last second, or out the door.

Hope this helps!

My son is 6 and we have discovered a nicer way of getting him to do things in the morning. I have made a 5 step chart with pictures of himself doing each step. Every step that he does, he gets to use the dry erase marker to make a check for himself. If he does all 5 steps then he gets a sugar free piece of candy before we go to school. This is working for us. Maybe it could help you.
I am sending you a PM with a photo of the chart.

Hi,

I come from the AS side of things. Have you asked your child what he does at school while sitting at his desk - what does he think about instead of doing his work? There are times when I want to rock back and forth all day too.

Maybe there is a valid reason for refusing to do homework and other stuff that would never have ocurred to you - ask him. Listen to the answer and don't judge.

IMHO any homework at age 6 is outrageous as is a teacher spanking a student. Maybe the child needs a different school.

A good book for you is Martian in the playground by Claire St James. It was put together by Aspies who made it to college and tells the child's side of the schooling picture. This should help you figure out what your child is doing.

My son has homework (6) and it is a big help. We break up the amount into 10 minute sessions throughout the night.
Some of the homework is writing his name 5 times, reading a short story, discussing the story of the night, and practicing his shoe tie-ing skills.
Having homework is now officially normal for kindergarteners believe it or not.

As far as things go---is there flourescent lighting and does it BUZZ all day?
Does anyone in the class have a smell that bothers him?
Is it too hot or too cold?
These are things you can find out for yourself by observing the classroom. (Observing is hard on you and your kid, but sometimes you can gain valuable insights on how things are done.)
Your kid's spot in the classroom might be too busy and there might be a better place.

Hope this helps.

Mornings are the worst!

We use a chart similar to the one agent79 talks about. J is 10 now, so we don't use pictures any longer, but they helped when he was younger. Also, when J was younger we used an egg timer to help him keep track of the time it took him to get something done. J had no concept of time at 6, so he liked the timer because he could see the minutes ticking away. We also use a privilege system. In order to have tv or computer time, he has to be ready for school on time. If he's not on time, then his privileges are gone until the next day. The only exception is if he is within 5 minutes late and had a good attitude, then we usually let him have his privileges. Lately, we have had him take a shower when he wakes up. This seems to get him going a little faster. He is into athletics, so he has to take a shower before bed as well. I know two showers a day may seem excessive, but he loves taking showers and/or baths and is always in a good mood afterward.

Homework used to be our hardest problem. J has always had it in his mind that any time we ask him to get dressed, brush his teeth, use soap or do homework we are punishing him. J is very intelligent, but lazy when it comes to things he doesn't like to do, and he will stubbornly refuse to do something if he doesn't want to. Well, IMHO he is a child and children do not get to make the rules, especially when it comes to doing homework. Don't get me wrong, I pick my battles, but some things you just can't compromise on and education is one of them. Especially, when you know he can do the work, but just doesn't want to even try. Anyway, we simply sat with him and kept telling him that the homework had to be done and that he couldn't play (or sometimes go to bed) until it was done. We tried positive reinforcement. We tried our privilege system. We even tried using the egg timer. Oh, he fought us tooth and nail! He cried and kicked and threw tantrums. In his opinion, we were the worst parents for making him be accountable for his learning. He thought he was in hell, and so did we, but because we were consistent and wouldn't give in, he is very cooperative now. It probably took us most of his first grade year, but he has learned that doing homework isn't that bad, and the quicker you get it done, the quicker you get to do the things you want to do.

Man, we didn't start getting homework til I was in 3rd grade! Things sure have changed in 14 years.

J is in the third grade, and he had to do his first written report, which he did on Winston Churchill. He also had to do a poster, which he used at open house at the school where he had to dress as Winston Churchill and give a speech about himself every time some one pushed a red button on his hand. J told me he gave his speech 57 times.

Then we did a PowerPoint presentation on the Solar System.

Yes, indeed, times have changed!

I know this will be a controversial answer so take it as you like.

My 12yo aspie son hasn't done homework since grade 3 (4 years ago). He takes a book to school and his teacher provides lego and jigsaw puzzles at the back of the class for when he is bored/frustrated.

I decided when he was back in Grade 3 that I no longer cared if he did homework, or if he did any work in class at all. After being suspended 7 times for violent and abusive behaviour I have three simple goals:

* Get through the school day without verbally or physically abusing anyone.
* Fit into the class in a socially appropriate way, following instructions and respecting others right to complete their work.
* Engaging in activites that keep him calm and able to get through the day without losing it.

With his high IQ I am confident that if he needs to catch up on any work it will be done quite quickly and can be done at home by me. If it wasn't for the whole social interaction aspect I would home school or online school him.

He has completed a couple of class projects, but only those he was interested in and only those that he could do using a computer (i.e. powerpoint, website, creating a game). The teacher allows him to alter the specs of the assignment to provide a technology solution, provided he clears it with her first. He also has a laptop which he can take to school (it is a tablet which lies flat on the desk and has a pen stylus.) He takes this if there is a writing task that he wants to participate in.

The school gets him involved in helping other classes with their computer lessons. He gets called out of class to go and help teachers etc.

His spelling/grammar/maths/computer skills are off the scale.

If he chooses to do no work at school or home, but he manages to get through the day behaving appropriately, I'm happy.

Nerddette

As long as he doing well academically as a whole, and is learning to behave in socially appropriate ways, what method we take in getting there probably doesn't make a lot of difference.

While homework has it's place for children who need that additional structure in their day, some of our kids seem like they *invented* structure and could use with a little less of it.

I hated school, every year from K-12, for various reasons, and couldn't wait for it all to end. When I got to college however, it was a new game and I was excited to learn, because it was finally a learning environment. Now, at 43, I can look back at how little school really meant - and most of what I do recall is not good.

I know not everyone has that experience, and I did my best not to rub that off on any of my kids. Mostly they seem to love school, especially my aspie, oddly enough.

School does a poor job however of reflecting his abilities. He's a fifth grader, 11 years old, tested IQ of 135, he's finally making B's with a C in math. These grades are more reflective of the classroom and the way the material is presented then his abilities.

No one, not one time ever in my life, in even my first job, asked if I did my homework. If you can do the job they need done, you're in. Quirky or not.