Social inexperience

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I have realized I am extremely socially inexperience even by the standards of the people on this forum. I have the kind of social experience or lack of many lower functioning autistics have. Up until quite recently my socializing was limited to school and family. That level of socialization was even further reduced as I stopped following rest of my family to social things they did and just stayed at home.

Not that I was particularly sheltered or anything, but I was very introverted and disinterested in socializing very much. I liked and still like to spend a lot of time by myself. Not having held down a job for long or being in any long lasting activities like clubs contributed to that too. I had a big wake up call in the last year that socially I am extremely behind my peers (I'm 23) and even 13 and 14 year olds have more social experience than me. Not to mention I am pretty naive about a lot of things, I've decided to become sort of like I have in the past very cautious but not avoidant in social situtations.

I realize I am never going to be as socially experienced and competent as my peers, but I am trying to become socially experienced enough to survive, living independently and in the work world once I finish my accounting degree. Overall for a person with a pretty low social need or any need to be popular. Being able to survive in the work world, living independently would be great for me. One of the benefits of being extremely introverted I guess, I am sort of shy now but wasn't when I was younger, just extremely introverted and reserved.

I just have one concern dating and romantic relationships, I just will not have the social skills to court women who are seen as physically attractive as me (I have my doubts, but people think I am handsome) or even women considered average in looks. I am settling myself in dating women who are not considered particularly attractive. I just will not have the social skills to cope with being in a relationship with high maintenance women. This is no big deal for me, apart from the fact, I am much more attracted to personalities than looks and if I lower my standards drastically I will miss out on meeting an physically attractive who will love me for who I am.

What steps have you taken in your life to get that social experience? Be pro-active. Go and be near people.
Also, are you hooked up with CRS yet? You live in Australia, you have some bizarre issues, and it is in our government's best interest to not have you on the dole so they provide as much counselling, psychiatry, support, job training, job finding, job support as you can handle. Go and get some! DO NOT continue to sit on your backside, bleating at the internet. For years.

cheesecheese...Maybe you are trying to be motivating?but I think your comments are rude and insensitive....which I refuse to believe,aspies are......I didnt see anything bizzare about the issues mentioned...social awkwardness and fear of dating seem very normal to me.As far as the person being on the dole....they are still young and getting a degree...sounds like doing "something" to me....


Madhatter.....I was fortunate enough to have had several men "lower their standards" for me....lol...this does sound abit contridictory ,since you said you care more about personality....dont fixate on the persons appearance....high maitenance is a personality thing...nt just a looks thing...there are alot of people who are not attractive who are emotionally high maitenance(I speak as one....very insecure about my appearance and constantly worried the person could not really love someone like me.I needed constant reasurence from my mates that I was loveable....now that I finnally like myself....even though I am old and hideous....I am finnally a nice low maitenance girlfriend for my mate)If you judge the person on how well they treat you and others,on their creativity and intellegence....you maybe suprised how attractive they "become" to you....beauty really is in the eye of the beholder...If you approach females with the intent on "just being friends and getting to know what they are like as people...(instead of as a girlfriend),you maybe able to lose some of the anxiety and shyness....you just have to practice...alot of girls like shy guys(less threatening and somewhat mysteriouse...compared to the" In your face kind of jock guys")so, just be yourself and try to think ....Friend.....

I agree with this to an extent, but it is not good if you have it and people expect you to talk.

Unfortunately, some people are like that.

Glad to hear that you're getting out there in the world Sounds like you've got it all together. I hope this helps with the last bit of your puzzle:

Very beautiful and/or attractive women are great to look at, that's for sure. They won't just get attention from you, though, it will come from everywhere. Many men find the attention their beautiful partner receives to be a source of insecurity. 'What if she finds someone better? I don't measure up to {perceived physical ideal} so she will find someone who does, she has lots of opportunity ' and it's awful to watch someone go through that in a relationship. How would you be if random guys kept hitting on your girlfriend, or ogling her in the street? Standing beside her, you will also receive attention. In aspieland, I find that attention-by-association scary :\
Physical beauty has some down sides.

An old saying that floats around is 'make an ugly woman your wife and you will be happy for life'. You can find just as much happiness with a lady who doesn't blowdry her hair straight every morning and then put on makeup. (Lots of people would even say more happiness!)