NT needing support for my NT/As relationship

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Hi all,

I'm new, although I have scanned this site a cpl times in the past mth or so.

I'm in need of some support from ppl with the same type of relationship as I have, as well as advise on what to do in some situations.

I love my spouse so much, but I feel so alone at times, and talking to him doesnt help, as he is non resposive most of the time when its an issue he rather not discuss. I seem to rarely have resolution, and one of my greatest fears is he ill disconnect from me permanatly and I will no longer has the 75% managable realtionship we have.

We have been together 3years & I've still not met his mother, I have been at their house a number of times, yet she doesnt come out of the basement, and even worse, no one suggests she does, and no one suggests I go there either..so its very weird to me..he also has two brothers with obvious AS that are in their 50's and also live at home, one of them works as a bike carrier.

My fear is he too will end up being that guy that never leaves the bsmt..I dont know what to do at times. I react as if he is NT, as I am, and that always makes matters worse. Ive tried to change my reaction, but his is still the same..withdraws, doesnt speak, doesnt resolve..and then does it all again as his memory is also poor.

How can I make this life more manageable for me, as many times I feel his position is a take it or leave it kinda attitude, his actions reflect this, not his words..

Welcome to WrongPlanet, and welcome to my time warp.

There are some excellent books that you may find helpful...

"Alone Together...Making An Asperger Marriage Last" by Katrin Bentley; forward by Tony Attwood, Ph.D

"An Asperger Marriage" by Gisela and Christopher Slater-Walker; forward by Tony Attwood, Ph.D

"22 Things A Woman Must Know...(If she loves a man with Asperger's Syndrome) by Rudy Simone

You can purchase them from any bookstore or have your local library get them for you...whichever you prefer.

Aspergers people don't like routine-change. So, my advise would be, not to get over-concerned about the relationship. Hmmm, sort of like a mold. We'll grow on you, and stay right there as long as you don't change things.

Don't get overly "emotional" and start psyching out. When NT's do that, it scares the heck out Aspies... I suppose no more than we Aspies scare the heck out of NT's when they change things and spring their "surprises" on us. Aspergers people love routine... structure... the same ole....

Welcome to WP

Welcome to the Wrong Planet community, catsmeow41.

Hello catsmeow41, welcome,

I hope you will find the information and support you need, here on WP.
Good luck with your relationship!

Enjoy your stay on the Wrong Planet!

i am new myself, but welcome catsmeow41 =) we have recently figured out my partner of the past 11 years is an aspie, after our youngest son was diagnosed. for me, it actually explained a LOT of things. many of his traits that have driven me crazy for years i can point at now and say "thats the asperger's talking". i love both my aspies, but that doesnt make them any easier to live with =)

what i found most helpful was researching and reading, basically figuring out how his mind works. that helps me better understand his responses and how hes going to react. things have been more peaceful between us the past couple months because of this.

welcome to wp, and i hope you can find the support you need here.