Never experienced "desire" for a man?

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(Or a woman either)

I was wanting to know how common this is...maybe it's just a woman thing in general, or maybe it's a "me" thing.

How many of you can say that you have never looked at a man and felt physical desire for one? I have seen men I find very attractive aesthetically, whose faces and bodies are pleasing and kind in appearance, and this draws me to them in my heart and my head--but never once have I looked at a man and felt a desire to do anything more than talk or maybe just cuddle.

Now, I don't feel even that towards women, so I think I'm safe ruling out it being sexual orientation, and I also believe I can rule out any gender identity issues (I may be an atypical woman, but in the end I do think this is my proper gender).

But I wonder, why is this?

No, it's not just you, but I don't know how many women out there have the same asexual inclination.

A very good example of asexual inclination is Temple Grandin. In a couple of books she's authored, there are a couple of references she makes regarding having zero "desire" towards men (and women) in terms of full-blown physical or sexual preference.

Hope this helps!

I don't know for sure if it's a total lack of inclination. There are men I would want to be with that I find attractive in other ways, and I could imagine spending my life with a man if I found the right one (could not imagine that with a woman), but I'm not sure how the physical part of it would work out, if maybe I could learn to feel something more than what I do.

I used to be accused of being a lesbian in middle school (though I think my general weirdness brought THAT about), and I did consider that possibility, but I rejected it since I do have a preference, at least, even if not the "normal" intensity of physical feelings.

EDIT: For most women, is it that you are simply attracted by personality, mind, and looks, but the actual desire to be physically involved only manifests over time? Or is that normally felt right away when you are interested in a relationship with a man? Am I just expecting something to occur out of its natural sequence?

I completely understand how you feel - I am the same way. There are men (and women) I find pleasing to look at, but I have no sexual desire for any of them. I do have sexual urges, but they are not directed towards either sex; instead, they fall squarely within the realm of paraphilia. I will not name my paraphilia, for it would break forum rules. But I will say this: whether men or women are involved in said paraphilia does not matter to me - it is merely the act itself that is arousing, not the persons involved.

I guess what I'm trying to ask is, do most people look at someone and immediately feel a physical desire for them, as well as on other levels, right away? Or is that something that develops over time after being IN a relationship, for some people? Is it just that physical attraction comes more slowly in a woman?

If a person is asexual, though, or otherwise has low physical attraction, do you feel that this is separate from the desire for family and relationship? I find myself wanting the latter, but have not yet found anyone who sparked the former--that is, where I looked at someone and felt myself react, to put it delicately. Yet I do know for sure that if I were to spend my life with someone, I would want it to be a man. That part I don't doubt.

Maybe you just haven't found the right man yet.

That could be as well. I'm honestly not sure WHAT my deal is--picky or totally nonreactive.

I myself dont go getting sexual attractions to any man (or women either) unless im actually already with that person, then it happens. I have no sexual interest at all towards someone who isnt my boyfriend. (but with my boyfriend i have a lot of sexual attraction and find myself highly sexual).

It very rarely happens when i are attracted to a male (as I said that is different way to sexual attraction). I went throu a 9yr period before I came across a guy who interested me (I'd had a couple of males in my life before that). Ive also had a couple of others since then. But its all luck in meeting one I feel a connection of some kind with and its something which i can rarely find

My interest is more to do with an attraction to the other persons mind and personality (and soul), they have to have some similar interests as me.

eg my special interest is medical.. my current partner has a medical fetish (his name everyone knows him by due to that is Doc). Im attracted to medical people...doctors, nurses as I can talk to them and they understand the things i talk about.

If you find one with similar mental connection or interests as yourself.. its far easier to be interested in that person (and once one has known a person then for a while, Ive found one can gain a close connection).

We arent like NTs so yeah.. we are a lot more picky but also do need to be.

It would be extremely hard to be interested in the "wrong" person... got to take care of "false" people thou acting as the "right" person. So many people lie and play games and act like they think you want them to act and hence be false. ive been fooled quite a few times by ones who make out what they are not.

Even my current boyfriend did that to me, he made out he was really really interested in some things that he was only interested some in.

You seem to be kind of asexual, but no worries. It is possible you could find a guy out there who does it for you. In my case (I'm gay), I don't desire random women at all unless I'm in love with their personality and I feel some kind of connection. My friend can't understand this. I don't know what it is to wanna do somebody hot who's just walking down the street!

I have to say that I too have seen great looking guys but never felt like "wow, gotta do him..." hehe...The first time that I actually felt a strong desire was with someone whom I did not find incredibly attractive...but I was aroused by his mind...weird? Maybe...I am married now and I can say that finally there was something that did make me feel attracted, etc...to him...his mind and well, his chest...hehe...I don't know if other women feel attracted/aroused by just looking at a guy, but I don't really think it happened to me...I had to be deeply involved with his mind in order to find him physically very attractive and desirable...

PS-I knew my husband almost 4yrs before I ever gave him a chance...he tried to ask me out many times, would ask me to dance, etc...but I always turned him down...one day after having a few drinks (maybe being relaxed?) I asked him to dance as my favorite song came on in the club and well, "tag, he was it..." and that's when I actually began talking to him...to find out that he was a very interesting person, with a very caring heart, a very fair person, etc...listened, etc...he was truly amazing...I fell for him and everyone was shocked to see me so floored...it was weird for me too...been together 11yrs

PS-I was also told by two guys I dated that they thought I was "asexual"...and they were actually very intrigued by me, not sure if it was because of it or because I was somewhat feminine (they claim lots), but actually talked about "male" subjects, etc...

Caveat being I MIGHT be NT, unless you count ADHD as automatically ruling you out of that category. I have some ASD-like traits, but what they equal at this point I don't know and won't say without a doctor's determination.

That is interesting though, hearing from some of you, that some of you find that desire comes only after other connections have already been made. The one time I dated, I really shouldn't have said "yes," and I felt no connection and indeed found myself drawing away from him whenever he did want to be physically close. (That I imagine could change with a different guy, one who was much gentler and more patient...but what would come after that? I don't know.)

It's very common. Hopefully you can find another similar person to spend your life with, if you feel like you need a person to spend your life with. There are probably sites on the internet that facilitate such people meeting each other.

I'm honestly with you. I don't know if I'm asexual or not. I've dated both men and women but felt no desire for either -- just assumed at first that since I wasn't attracted to men I must be attracted to women. I would be inclined to start a relationship with another person if it were less sexual and more intellectual -- but then I feel as though it wouldn't be a relationship at all! I agree that I have found peopel aestetically pleasing, but I would never consider them sexually attractive.

I have sexual urges as well, but they're not directed at anything really. I feel as though it is primarily a physical necessity that all humans go through regardless of finding another person sexually arousing.

i mostly like really akward women.
never met a diagnosed aspie in my life though...just one i think was undiagnosed

You mean asexuals in particular (assuming that's what's going on here)?