Thank you for the response, it is a problem in the fact that the parents are arguing. I feel the Dad knows that something is up but cannot bring himself to talk to my sister. As she said to him the other day "you only seem happy when you are leaving to go to work". He got so upset when he was playing with his 2 boys in the bath (bubbles up to the ears!) he made a beard of bubble for his younger son and when he did the same to said child there was a melt down as my nephew does not like bubbles touching his face. As for school he is so 'quiet, sensitive, polite' and all the other cliche's that I feel he may go unnoticed unless his behaviour changes.
In the meantime I'm researching, copy & pasteing and adding to a file of info ... just in case my sis ever needs it.
Thanks again