What support would have made your life easier?

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Since our parents are gone, I'm stepping in as my adult brother's primary advocate. He's quite thoroughly Aspergers, but has largely fallen through the system and is isolated. He's acutely uncomfortable with most social situations, and his world is his bedroom, the internet, and sleep. Now that our father is gone, his living situation has to change. We're not keeping the house and I'm not staying to live with him--that means that we need to get him some kind of supported living.

It's likely that he'll qualify for a new type of support funding that can give him the kind of care he's never had before. I need to make up a list of requests for the personalized support--if we aren't specific about it, we're likely to get the minimum. I've asked my brother what his ideal living situation would look like, but he just walks away and closes the door; I think the question is just too big, and the idea of change too hard to grasp. It's been a really, really hard couple years for both of us, but especially him.

Since I can't get him to talk to me, I thought you folks might be helpful. I can guess at what kind of support would improve his quality of life, but I'm not Aspergers. I also don't want to completely overwhelm him. I would like to get him a small apartment of his own, with workers coming in to help him with socialization, exercise, and daily practicalities. Beyond that, I'm not sure what to request. If you could have had any kind of activities, support, therapy, or lessons to help you adjust to being healthier, happier, and more comfortable in the world, what would you ask for?

This is about him and as I understand he doesn't want alot of change in enviroment, but you can think about contacting several social services for advice where he can have his own appartment and a caretaker visiting him at certain intervals. Getting independent for a boy so isolated is a pretty tough process, even worse if he is above his twenties.

I don't know what the best way to contact him is, but you could look into that to atleast clarify what he wants. I suggest a professional since he is so isolated from the outside world.
In a pinch you could suggest this site to him if his medium to express relates best in text.

I wish you the best in this difficult situation.

Cheerfully,
Wallourdes

He can't really imagine what the options are. As a guiding principle, change as little as possible. Set up the new bedroom and 'net just like the old one. If possible, make the other rooms familiar too. How about an old acquaintance as helper, too?

Rain man isn't too bad as a film, except that it leaves hours instead of days for recovery after each forced change. And where the aspie is asked if he wants option A, and agrees he does, he is then asked if he wants option B, and agrees again, all the NTs decide he is just nuts, but who would not have been of two minds at such a cusp? A more articulate person would have sounded quite sane, just by saying "Both options have attractive features, but I don't yet know enough to be decide which would work out best."

I like the idea of keeping his space as much the same as possible.

What we end up with is going to really depend on funding, but I'm working on a wish-list. What I really want is a smart, empathetic, and encouraging mentor to come help him learn healthier habits, keep his space clean (or at least hygienic) and work on expanding his social tool-box in whatever ways seem appropriately challenging without being stressful. Hard to find!

Where are you hoping to find help? Any preference on location?

My brother lives in the interior of BC, while I live on Vancouver Island. He can stay either place, really. If a really good spot was in Vancouver, I'd take him there, though my preference is to either have him near me, or near what few community connections he has in the interior.

Right now, some kind of employment support/earnings top-up.

I earned top marks in high school, then attended undergrad and graduate school in my city. I was diagnosed with AS the summer after finishing grad school, at 25 years old.

While the labour market is tight and acing the all-elusive interview is key, I have been stumbling in getting hired anywhere. I am working in retail at the moment just to make money, but the student loan from my master's and debt to my parents loom all too large. Employment assistance, in addition to employment counseling, would be very beneficial to Aspies like me in navigating this recession-ravaged workplace.

I think he's got a ways to go before we look at employment. In the last two years, we've lost both parents, he's going to have to move, he's got all kinds of new people mucking in his life, and I'm kind of turning the house upsidedown right now in anticipating of selling it next year.

However, it's a good idea. I'll make sure we leave some room for that. I think a bit of part-time programming work or something of that nature would be both enjoyable and healthy for him, if he wants it. Agreed that the economy is a disaster--I've been struggling for the last few years just to stay employed (I keep getting contracts to accomplish a project, then I'm done!) and employment support really helped me out.

In BC, my wife was driven mad when the tenancy laws were enforced in a tenant's favour, and I went mad when I couldn't have them enforced against a landlady. It is a crazy-making place in other ways, and the most corrupt province in Canada. I'm real glad I left. My recovery rate from trauma has been twice as fast, and finally proceeded far enough to resolve the root of what first went wrong there. I needed perspective, and distance from the accepted wisdom there. Here, I've got a better economy, cheaper houses, and bright winters. Wearing a thicker coat for longer is a small price to pay, I reckon.