Instrumental relationships suck

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His majesty, my husband, just slammed out of the room because I wanted a dog. I had been told earlier I could have any dog I wanted as long as it could live outside. I guess I took it too literally when he said any dog I wanted. Because now he's pissed that I put a deposit on a purebred puppy and let him know that the puppy would have to stay away from the other dogs until it had all of its shots (16 weeks). Meaning it would be indoors. I absolutely adore dogs and miss having one of my own. It's pretty much the only thing I enjoy anymore, it's all work and cleaning house and dragging myself to bed. I thought I could have something to look forward to and enjoy. Especially since his idea of companionship is minimal interaction until he wants sex. I see now how much this marriage is an instrumental relationship, but then all relationships I perceive to be reciprocal end up being that way. Whatever. I give up. What I don't get is why people strive so hard to convince me that they really love me, no really, they do. Meanwhile all they do is complain. How can they possibly love someone they find so irritating? I'll tell you why. There's no love, there is usefulness. Putting up with me to get what they need out of me.

I no longer listen to music outside of my car because he dislikes my music. I can't watch movies anymore because he just walks in and complains about what I'm watching. He has no interest in any interest I have. But he did such a good job of convincing me that yes, he really loved me and adored me. Whatever. In my view, it's his fault if he's miserable. A grown person should know that they can't change another person into the person they want them to be. If he's sorry, it's his freaking problem.

Then why are you with him?
Leave.

Only outdoor pets? That's rough on you and them.

I'd say, if he really does love you, perhaps he ought to show some proof of that. Say, going without sex until he's convinced you that he honestly does love you, by making at least a few things more pleasant for you. Of course, in my experience, people who are cold enough they can insist on keeping pets outdoors - even after they've met them (yes, some people say that, but once they see those lovable little furry faces, be they canine or feline, they melt; that's different) - aren't exactly people who are capable of much in the way of love. Sorry if it upsets you to hear that, but I think the truth is usually best, and that's how I see it.

I have to disagree with this statement. I love my wife and son very much, and I let them know this, not just with words but with my actions. I tell them I love them and I am very affectionate. I just don't like dogs. or cats or any animals really. I don't hate them. I just don't see why people make such a big deal over them. I find it strange that people fawn all over a dog and at the same time eat a hamburger or ham sandwich. Pigs and cows are just as smart (smarter in some cases) and have just as many "emotions" as a dog.
I am not defending the husbands behavior. but not liking dogs does not make you a bad person.

That is NOT how you treat someone you love. You deserve better. Stand up for yourself, show some self respect, and leave him.

I used to put up with bad behavior from men, in the mistaken belief that if I stood up for myself they would leave me, or throw me out. But when I hooked up with someone who really loves me, I realized how much time I had wasted on worthless, self-centered types who only loved themselves. Ask yourself if you are worth being loved, or will you settle for just being tolerated? I couldn't imagine my guy walking in and complaining about what I am watching, or saying he can't stand my music. We often sit in the same room, listening to music on headphones while we work on our computers. To me, this is love.

I think the others here have a point. Your relationship does not sound like a good one to me. I don't get the impression that you enjoy spending time with your husband at the moment.

Try to make him change his behaviour, at the very least to the point where he lets you do things you enjoy. If he is not willing or not able to change in any way helpfull to you, it might really be time to pack your things and leave him.