Growing up and showing different phases of autism

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This was originally a PM I had written to Ghosthunter about the differences between AS and autism, but I got on a roll replying and decided it would be best to share it with all of you

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The difference between HFA and AS I'm not too sure about. Looking back on my own life, I know I lie on the spectrum. But where I'm not too sure about. I have read material that suggests that I'm both AS and HFA.

I personally don't want to try to draw a distinction between the two, there's too much gray in between to make any kind of clear boundry.

During my own childhood, my own ASD went through several different phases with several sub-phases in between.

Phase 1:

1.) Birth to 1/83
2.) 1/83 - 4/85

Phase 2:

1.) 4/85 - 6/87

Phase 3:

1.) 6/87 - 6/88
2.) 6/88 - 9/89
3.) 9/89 - 9/90

Phase 4:

1.) 9/90 - 9/92
2.) 9/92 - 9/94

Phase 5:

1.) 9/94 - 7/98
2.) 7/98 - Present

Each phase listed here my behavior and personality was different than all the others. Phase 5 marks my entrance into high school and adult hood, and that's where I stand today. Phase 4 was where my symptoms were at their worse, however, I had managed to gain control of my temper, where as in phase three, that was not the case, and as a result there were many incidents involving myself at school and other places where I got the best of myself, including my head bashing periods which was coping for me at horrific situation I found myself in at the new daycare I was placed in. Phase 4 was when I first showed signs of having tourettes.

It wasn't until the start of phase two where I openly wanted to interact with other children, and since at age 5, the nuances of social interaction are yet to be implanted into children, I was able to do so with some success, and did so on ocassion, but never to the level as the other kids.

Phase 1 was the phase in my life where if I was going to be DX'ed autism, that phase probably would have been it. That phase I showed many signs of an ASD

- I was a late to talk, followed by an extremely fast mastery of the english language
- Some of my strongest memories from this period are that of trying to cope with sensory overload
- I was an isolated child who showed little interest/empathy in/for other children

This is best demonstrated by another child who went to daycare with me during the 1983-84 time period. His name was Dennis, he was the same age as I was and he was my little shadow. He use to follow me around trying make friends with me, and I would avoid him like people try to avoid the plague. I would be upset if he sat next to me during lunch time, and although I never struck out at him, one day back in June 1984 I beat him to an empty seat on the end of the bench. Then I remember laughing and taunting him becasue for once he couldn't bother me. For what ever it was worth, he never bothered me after that. Now that I look back on this, I realize I probably hurt his feelings quite a bit that day. But back in 1984, I would have never looked at it in that light. And before then, I should have probably taken up his offer of friendship, the next time someone would want to be friends with me was 1989.

Speaking of Dennis, ironicly, one of the few times in my early life when I did try to show empathy for someone was an afternoon back in December 1983 when he got sick and threw up. He was sitting on rocking horse with his head sunk down in his lap and I went over to try and console him, since I had troubles too as a little kid with throwing up, but he told me to get away, so I did.

- I showed no signs of true imaginitive play, any imaginitive play I did was based on concrete principals.
- I was very echolalic, at home mom said I would parrot commericals on TV for hours on end
- I needed routine to survive the day
- Pictures of myself during this era show me avoiding direct eye contact with people

Just to list a few

As I got older, I got better, but other things would crop up here and there. Today calendar dates hold a special meaning to me, but it wasn't until November 1991 when that suddenly became important to me. It also wasn't until that time where I could look back at a memory and say "this happened then".

Anyway, that about all I have to say for now on the subject

Thanks for coming up with some
clues. I will use my fine tooth comb
and break them down. This may take
a little time, so please be patient.

Sincerely,
Ghosthunter

I too have went through phases. I'm not good with exact dates, so I'll go by age.

0-6

I was dx'ed and the un-dx'ed with Autism. They changed it to Hypersensitive, ADHD, and OCD. I had a friend or two, and didn't socialize that well. I was also (like I still am) bad at joking. I never knew hot to sound sarcastic. I don't remember about eye contact. I was very hyper and aggressive. I've been told that I'd do crazy things like climb bookshelfs at stores. My brother was born. I then moved.

7-11

My mom says I used to wash my hands until I bled. I don't remmber that. I was bullied often, but I became somewhat of a gang leader. A bully would pick on me, then I'd kick their as* and they decided to be friends with me. I also remember being naive and believing stories people told me. One of my best friends always told these outlandish stories, and I'd believe him. It wasn't until years later that I figured out he was a big liar. I also remember my first mutual female friend very well. She wasn't my first crush, but I protected her from bullies. I remember her having an Atari. This is also when a few of my prejudices came into existence. I moved.

11-14

This is a bad period of my life. My parents divorced, my dad married his second wife ( hated me). This is when I fell into a huge two year depression. Puberty started, socialzing was hard, and my parents divorced. I took Prozac and Adderal until I was 14. My social skills weren't as good as they once were. I think this depression may have made me have AS, or at least make it more obvious. I was very verbally abusive to my mom and my little brother. My little brother (ADD) was about 4 or 5 when my parents divorced, so he doesn't remember. I was very tempermental and had mood swings at home. At school, I had just entered middle school, and was picked on often by girls. I live in a mostly wealthy community, and so there were a lot of snobs. I was normally picked on by girls, because I flirted on accident occasionally and had a very weird walk. I only had about 5 friends during this period, and it was only in school. I was dx'ed with AS during this period.

14-16 (now)

I finally mellowed out and am no longer picked on. When I first entered high school, I still had my social facade. My second year, I went through a huge depression after being rejected by someone. I went off to find myself and adjust my personality. Stopped medications of any kind, and grades started slipping. I failed any language I tried to take, and so my GPA is not very good. I had no good friends until my second year. I'm now in my third year, and I'm doing alright. I still have trouble with eye contact, and can't stand being surrounded by people, but I'm living still.

There's more, but I'm not going to make a multi-page post about my life.

You guys are wonderful. I started
with a obsession based on a silent
but still searching for type question.

I tried the normal forum tactic. I
found that most wouldn't grasp me
and how say things, so I had to pull
from my wise birds sources and you
guys have done great in giving me
clues to this mystery.

I am by now obsessing and using my
dissective nature picking away at
this questions clues, this is one
of my strengths and I say thankyou
Scoots and Sarcastic_Name for rising
to the occasion. For the record I was
up until 6am today and was called
into the restraunt job until 11am, and
now it is 1pm and I don't mind,
I live a dissective mystery.

Thanks for rising to the occasion,
and if anyone else out there cares
to contribute to this gray area mystery
on AS and HFA differences and simularies
thankyou.

Most Sincerely,
Ghosthunter

P.S...My fine toothed comb is scraping
at all kinds of clues right now so please
be patient as I graze away at each layer
at a time and may have delayed reponses.

I think I went through phases of not knowing I was going through phases.

0-5

I was very blond and too friendly. I was the baby of the neighborhood. I didn't mind being around people but the kids had to play MY way. I was very bossy. And very hyperactive for a female. I got into mischief a lot. I went to daycares, played with one boy who was not a good influence and I copied almost everything he did, (this was not a good thing).

6-10

Started grade school at a private, Catholic school and had one friend the entire year of kindergarten. She came from a very religious family and was taught to not make fun of other kids (very high morals for that age) and so we got along well. I told her what to do in everything. But then she left after kindergarten and didn't return for 1st grade. I was very alone. I then found one girl to follow around and mimic and faded into the background. It was at this time that my interests arose in specific things. Another girl became friends with the one I followed and this other girl bullied me until 7th grade.

11-13

At this age I spent more time interacting with the teachers than the students. My grades were very good by then because I became interested in doing well. Before I didn't much care in studies so I put a small amount of effort into them and received average marks (I was more interested in my own stuff at the time). When I started making good grades, I found even that didn't require a great deal of energy and concentration; the subjects were simple and the patterns of work/homework were not difficult to master.

14

This was my graduation year and the year I tried most to fit in and be social. I went to more places (though didn't really ever enjoy it) and was friends mostly with a small groups of boys. I was admired in my class for my artistic and poetic abilities as well as intelligence (though in that class such intelligence was strangely average). I tried that year. But socializing wore me out so incredibly much. I didn't want to be like that. And for some reason, my class was very accomodating to oddballs and many students in that class were a bit odd in themselves, so I am grateful my oddness was amongst the norm. I would have been "slaughtered" in public school. In addition my school was fairly small in contrast to a public school.

15

My freshman year I did well academically and allowed the science nerd to come out in me. I read consistently and my grades were very good.

16-17

These were hell years for me. I became uninterested in school, developed depression and anxiety, grew even MORE socially isolated, concentrated my entire being on the study and production of art, and would cut class if being around people became too overwhelming (I also received many detentions for this). During anxiety attacks I would try not to sway or rock. These years were HELL.

18

I was asked to leave the private, Catholic high school I was attending after the conclusion of my junior year. And so I went to public school. I did very little work, but was in the art wing at every chance I could get. The school actually had to ban me from the art wing for awhile except during class time because I wouldn't do any other of my studies. I just barely graduated by doing a book report for my Government class. Honestly, I read 74 pages and faked the report. I graduated and really didn't care.

19-21

I attended a local community college and made one friend who was also interested in serial killers as I was at the time. He was also very socially isolated as I was and just as immature.

22

I took a year off college and volunteered at a local crime victim advocacy center. I got good experience from this. But I never realized how bad my executive dysfunction was. Many of the other workers in the small office were not as intelligent as I and still they did all these simple tasks with ease. And spoke to clients with ease and off the tops of their heads without having to outline a conversation or anything! I just watched and was in awe. And felt very stupid at the same time. I instead prided myself in organizing lists of information for them about area codes and various other things. And my orderly desk, lol. That was about all.

23-

I am currently 23, and am attending a university now in St. Louis. I love the uni and am double-majoring. I have some in-class friends but no one I do anything with. In some of my classes I talk too much and take up too much of the professor's time. I rarely raise my hand and don't know when I am allowed to speak if the professor doesn't insist on hand-raising (confusing as hell!) I thoroughly enjoy the classwork and am doing a bit alright. I still wish I had a good friend who was odd like me and wanted to be my friend, too, without my having to ask. I socialize somewhat alright too as long as the situation isn't serious (cause I don't know what to say to that; I know how to be humorous). I get to rambling about my topic(s) and try very hard not to bore people. I hate those silences when I have taken a breath and realize the other person became bored maybe about ten minutes ago. But, at least I eventually realize it! lol