Please don't .... all the things I wish I could say

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Hi, just thought i'd share some of my thoughts in the form of a poem (well, sort of). Hope you like it:

Please don't....

Please don’t tap my shoulder to get my attention, I’ll jump and take a few minutes to calm back down again. I’ll feel irritated that you made me feel that way.

Please don’t stand behind me (when I haven’t seen you) and start talking. Again, I will jump.

Please don’t stand too close when you talk to me. I’ll feel crowded and annoyed. I won’t be able to concentrate on what you are saying because all I want to do is get away from you!

Please don’t take a bite of your food then talk to me. I’ll feel repulsed, angry and resentful. Again, all I want to do is get away from you. Often I can’t and feel trapped.

Please don’t eat an apple or crisps in the same room as me! You can probably guess why.

Please don’t talk too loud when I’m trying to concentrate, equally please don’t talk in a whisper. Too loud and all I can focus on is your voice. Too soft and my ears feel like they are being brushed inside.

Please don’t assume that because I look like you that I think like you. I don’t!

Please don’t assume that because I am female that I will act as a stereotypical female – I’M NOT!

Please don’t assume I know if I have offended you – I won’t.

Please don’t assume I can cope with stress – I CAN’T! Although I’m aware I give the appearance that I can.

Please don’t assume that I can listen to your problems and remain unaffected by them. I may listen, say the right thing and offer advice but the emotional toll can sometimes be too much for me.

Please don’t assume that because of my confidence I don’t doubt myself – I do.

Please don’t laugh at me in front of others and say “your sense of direction is really bad isn’t it?” - I know it is. I felt stupid and crushed.

Please don’t expect me to understand your feelings when I’m struggling with my own.

Please don’t expect me to know everything – I don’t!

Please don’t be surprised when I don’t know things you would expect me to know.

Please don’t lower your voice to barely a whisper when you are talking to me – I cant f*****g hear you!

Please don’t talk to me when the printer is printing or the shredder is shredding – I CAN’T HEAR YOU! Oh and by the way, the shredder deserves to die!

Please don’t stare at me when you are talking – I feel anxious and uncomfortable then start wondering why you are doing it. It’s very hard to listen when all I can see is your eyes boring into mine!

Please respond verbally when I’m telling you something otherwise I’m not sure if you are listening to me.

Please don’t call me Sue – my name is Suzi!

Please don’t expect me to be able to listen for more than five minutes without a break if what you are saying is of little or no interest to me – I can’t! Oh and that’s not personal, I have a fear of boredom.

Please don’t think I’m not listening to you if I am doodling. If what you are saying is of interest I am listening. You can tell by the type of doodle if I am enjoying what you are saying. Alternately if you are stressing me out my pictures will show this. Better than me telling you what I really think huh?

Please don’t try to talk to me about work when I have just walked in the door. Transitions can be tricky and I need time to adjust.



Please understand that if I don’t feel up to socialising it’s because I am drained and need time alone to regenerate. It’s not personal or a reflection on you as a person. I can’t be who you want/expect if I am tired or exhausted.

Please understand that I don’t set out to be difficult and that there are reasons for the way I act. I can’t always explain why or what they are but believe me they do exist.

I think there are many of these things you could (and should) say.

Thanks I have said quite a few of them to various people. Maybe one day ....

pretty much all those fit me as well.
except the stereotypical female & sue parts.

my family doesn't understand any of that about me & they've even had the benefit ok knowing me for years. Really pretty annoying how ignorant people can be. I keep trying to explain this stuff to my NT family and friends, but some people just refuse to accept these things and keep expecting me to react to things and act like an NT .

I don't know if this applies to all AS women but I'd like to add...

Please don't assume that I'm stupid if I forget something or make a social mistake, I am book smart, not people smart.

If you assume that I instinctively know something important, please humor me and tell me anyway. I'd prefer it if you to told me something I already know than if you didn't tell me something I needed to know.

Please don't assume that I don't have any problems with anxiety or self doubt simply because I get good grades.

Please text me if possible, it's a lot more convenient and it's easier, for me, than talking. (Please don't take this personally, it's just an Aspie thing)

Please don't take it personally if I don't want to spend all of my free time with you, I need time to myself or I'll go crazy. (another Aspie thing)

Please don't assume that I have no singing, acting, or creativity skills simply because I am not a very outgoing or happy-go-lucky person.

Please don't assume that I'm not sad if I don't cry, I have trouble expressing emotion.

Please don't assume that I don't love you if I'm not all over you, I don't really like physical contact-anything beyond hugging is weird for me.

Please don't hug or kiss me more in an effort to get a reciprocal reaction, I don't like being touched.

Please don't assume that I'm sad if i am all by myself, sometimes I like being alone.

Please do NOT try to help me make friends, I have learned all that I can in counselling but no amount of counselling or self-help books will change the fact that I absolutely HATE introducing myself to strange people.

Please do NOT tell everyone you meet that I have AS, it was very hard for me to open up to you and I don't appreciate you spreading my personal information with people I don't even know. I trust you to keep my AS diagnosis to yourself. If I know your friends well enough, I will tell them when I'm ready, otherwise it is NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS!! !

If I want to be left alone, then please let me be alone for a few minutes (or hours if necessary), if I want to talk to you about something that's upsetting me, I will talk to you later but I need time to cool down first.

Thank you.

Thanks everyone for responding to this.

Seanmw - it's a shame your family and friends don't understand you. People believe that I have these issues but as soon as I attach them to AS they are resistant. I think people can be narrow minded and are afraid to accept that brain differences exist on many levels.

Guineapigirl - thanks for adding to the list. It would be good if others could keep adding.

Bearsac-Debra - its the only way I could describe it. Its so irritating isn't it?

Happy Friday everyone

Suzi

Please don’t tap my shoulder to get my attention...I'll probably kick you or elbow you. You will assume I am just trying to be mean, but that is my body's natural reaction.

Please listen to some of my hyper-sensitivities, they physically affect me, and I would not like to be sick around them (such as fish).

Please don’t talk too loud when I’m trying to concentrate, equally please don’t talk in a whisper. Too loud and all I can focus on is your voice. Too soft and my ears feel like they are being brushed inside.
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Please do not be that one person who taps their pencil during a test, even if it is easy, I need to focus. (Or for anything else I need to concentrate on).

Please don’t assume that because I am female that I will act as a stereotypical female – I’M NOT!
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Please don't assume that I have a boyfriend. I am a loner, that is partially because of my autism, and partially because I am not ready.

Please do not look at me weirdly when I do something out of the normal (like lie on concrete in front of my house), you may ask me, but don't make that stare).

Please do not stare at me, I feel self-conscious, and start fidgeting.

Please do not assume that I don't like you because I don't make any stereotypical moves back, I do not understand romance, and I wasn't born with the aptitude to just pick it up, I must learn it.

Please don’t assume I know if I have offended you – I won’t.
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Please do not assume that I understand body language, I am still trying to understand tones, I have an even harder time reading your body than I do your mind.
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Please don’t be surprised when I don’t know things you would expect me to know...I don't have common sense, I have to work on that.

Please do not make fun of me if I took something literally, I am not trying to be funny, that is how my mind works.


I could go on and on, but these are a few

But my most important one...

Please don't make fun of me because of my life choices (especially the ones because of my Autism) they are my choice, I am an adult, I can (and always have) handled it, and if I need help, I will ask for it.

Holy carp. All but two of those are me, in my head, all the time. Thank you for posting that list.

I think its fine to post these lists but just know that most people NT or aspie cant realistically act according to all the peticularities. When I read these lists, I probably do about maybe almost half of whats on there. You should expect that. Heres what my list would be:

Please dont assume that just cause Im trying to improve myself and my social skills, I wanna be just like you or that I look up to you.

Please know that its better to be straightfoward and honest with me as opposed to subtley hinting things.

Please dont always try to agree with me when you dont...it gets annoying

Please know I accidentally say things that can be misintepreted in ways I dont mean. I will sometimes apologize to you if I think I said something wrong. So you might get a ton of random apologies that could confuse you.

Please know I find many things that people do confusing at times, I might not always say or act accordingly.

Please know that just cause I sit in a group and dont say much, it doesnt mean that Im shy or snobby. When I do talk, and my interupting, know that I just find it difficult to talk in group settings and my timing is kinda bad and its hard to keep track of many different people at once.

Most importantly, know that I want to be able to be myself, not someone else.

oohh 1 more that really gets to me:

Please dont assume just cause socially Im a bit off, Im also naive and innocent on a worldy basis and Im not aware of the "bad, wild" things that go on around me in this school. Cause Im am well aware of all this stuff, I may not know the specifics but I do get a general gist of whats happening. Dont think that theres certain things you cant talk about around me due to my percieved "innocence", cause its quite the opposite...I will talk about almost everything...99% of topics are not taboo with me.