I am in a world of hurt and could use some advice.

Post Reply New Topic

I am approaching 30 in June, I have no college degree and have had about 35 different employers. I am living with friends at the moment with no place else to go. My friends are impulsive and support their vices before their basic needs. It is co-dependent relationship and I don't like it, I have to help them out all the time or they get angry with me. My Dad will not let me move back in with him and my mom. I have no car, or many personal belongings. I am in debt with failed bank accounts, a car repossession, several credit cards, a couple of payday loans and a student loan that is less that $900. I am sick of drinking and partying all the time. It seems though in Omaha, NE I am absolutely stuck. I hate waking up everyday and dread just having to live. I am not looking for easy answers. I just simply want to make something of myself. I have considered checking myself into a recovery center to get a formal diagnosis and help for substance abuse, however I am uninsured.

I honestly want to go back to college to study biochemistry, neuroscience, and philosophy. I have been contemplating working for the UN or even doing research into psychoactive drugs and social anxiety disorders. (I self-identify with Asperger's Syndrome.)

About a month ago I tried to just up and move to Denver, CO hoping that I could get work and stay there. I know there are a lot of resources for mental health there and was hoping that I could also go to college there as well. I feel that when I am in another city for a month or longer, a lot of my anxiety lessens and I am just relaxed and I feel so free. (This is based on spending extensive time in Minneapolis, MN, Chicago, IL and Denver, CO.) When I was a child I was sent away to a treatment center by my family and I remember it being the most life changing experience. I never wanted to come back to Omaha. I love Denver and the mountains and just being outside. I love volunteering my time to working with the homeless, developmentally disabled and local environmental issues. I also love being politically involved in activism.

What can I do to make my environment better so that I may move on with my dreams and pursue a smile once more? Even a volunteer program would be nice. I want to get my debt resolved and start over. I could use some good direction and help.

I would write down your goals (going to college, etc) and ask your parents if they can help you work out a plan for achieving them. If you are really sincere, they might allow you to move in with them until you can get back on your feet. Look at community colleges first since they are cheap. If you are currently addicted to drugs or alcohol try to find a free rehab type place first so they know you are serious.

I would try my parents, however my brother and his fiance are living there as well as my sister and her boyfriend and my two younger brothers. They honestly have no room for me. Also my Mom feels that she would be doing me a disservice. She has seen how when I am on my own or in another city that I am much better off. When I am surrounded by too many people I am very unstable. It is genuinely overwhelming.

Edit*
I have a scrapbook list of things I want to accomplish, I look at it frequently. I just get so depressed when I look at it, I feel like a tire stuck in a rut and I have to wait for the mud to dry before a tow truck can pull me out. One bad decision after another has left me reaching out for help, with no one answering the call. Even my Mom has run out of ideas, she has expressed her frustration. Omaha has very little help for those who could sincerely use it. My aunt is a director of a major health insurance company and she even encouraged me to look outside the city.

Last edited by higeyuki on 26 May 2011, 8:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Look into Debtors' Anonymous for help with your financial issues. Investigate if Nebraska has some kind of Medicaid program. Find out if you can get enrolled with the Vocational Rehabilitation program for your state. Good luck!

I didn't even know "DA" existed. Thank you I will definitely look into that.

As for vocational rehabilitation, I have had a couple of friends go this route, however it seems that they are not in any better of a position as they were before. My friend who moved to Seattle, WA seems to have been having better luck. They are even helping her with school.

Be careful with Vocational Rehab. I tried it to look for a job. In this job market GOOD LUCK! 6 months into it I decided to go back to college and they asked if I still wanted to look for a job I said well I'm returning to college. We can't help you with that you signed up for us to help you look for a job. I said ok then fine no thank you. They canceled me. I think it was for the best I am not psychologically prepared for a job. I'm hoping to get some college under my belt and do research. I have so many ideas. One of my current professors said I should DO RESEARCH NOW! LOL!

moving away from where you are doesnt mean moving away from your problems. Until you deal with them they will follow you wherever you go.

You are almost 30, you shouldnt need to rely on your parents. You need a plan to get out of the s**t your in and a plan to take into the future. You need to deal responsibly with your debts and quit blaming your friends for your negatives. They dont control you, you do and you have full say in how you live your life. Once you accept full responsibility for your situation and you accept responsibility to deal with it then you can start to move on.

Honestly, it sounds to me like you need to grow up and I dont say that to be nasty, just honest.

Start the back to school process, fill out FAFSA to find out about loans and grants, contact employment office about WIA, voc rehab can be a good resource once you are set to get back into school or in classes. contact the school's office of Students with Disabilities

I don't have a formal diagnosis for anything other than depression/ anxiety issues, got back into school for one semester, found out about other programs, and am continuing as I too have had a long history of many many jobs, bankruptcy, evictions, etc (I am 54) and for the first time in many years feel hope for my future. I used to think it would take just the right job (worked in restaurants) but the "right", "good" jobs also were full of politics, lies, bs etc. Anyway, it turns out that depression/anxiety issues are sometimes recognized as causing the same difficulties with learning as ADHD and other issues.

Don't give up on yourself, student loans are even available for those of us with bad financial histories.

Best of luck!

Ok, take a quick assessment of yourself and look at your current skillset, not the skillset that you want to have. What job skills are you good at?

You must somehow move away from the party gang at your current domicile, it seems they are dragging you down with them. If you can't move away from them, consider them just roomates that you don't have anything in common with.

You are now armed with a knowledge of what you're good at and isolation from those on a sinking ship. Next step, enter the world of work. Use your skills that you know you're proficient in. Look for a job that uses those skills and offers college tuition payments as a benefit. Many employers will offer this, use it.

You're 30 which is still young and you have no family obligations such as a wife and children. You can still work and do night school.

What happens if you don't succeed in college? Don't greive over it. Some people aren't meant for a traditional college. I had to learn this the hard way! Re-assess your skillset after this happens. Did you get enough college credits to enjoy employment as a paraprofessional? ( I had to do this, I wanted to be an engineer but had to settle for an electronics technician career.) Or have you improved the skillset you had when you went to work? If so continue in that line of work and be happy that you can do that job well.

While you are working, you must stay away from drugs and alcohol. It won't be easy, especially if you find you weren't successful in seeking your college diploma. It will be easy to drink or drug way the pain of lost hopes. Resist the urge to do so. Stop and be grateful for what has happened instead of being bitter at what was lost. Whenever I was in "woe is me" mode my father would remind me of his "Poor B@st@rd" theory:"No matter how bad you think you have it, there's always some other chap who has it worse than you and he's still smiling. Why aren't you?"

For me, I found going to church really helped with my depression. It helped me grasp where I fit in the grand scheme of things. It works for me but YMMV.

All the best,
Gene

I think part of the problem is that jobs can be hard to keep for those of us on the spectrum, so the response that maps out finding a job that pays for tuition is not the most practical, IMO.
Sometimes people with certain issues with people are better off becoming qualified at as high a level as possible in order to be valued enough in the workplace to have any problems interacting with other overlooked.
We all bring our own experiences here when we give our thoughts, and I am coming from the standpoint of someone who has had close to 100 jobs that never felt right but put off school for so long because of obligations. I could have spared myself several breakdowns and stretches of unemployment, repeated financial problems to the point of almost being homeless several times, and a long list of situations that feel like "failures" looking back on my life, if I had completed my education earlier. That's why I think it wise to consider education first.