Do you understand someone else's laughter???

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shellfd
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04 Aug 2004, 5:37 am

Hello. How do you teach a child to understand another's laughter???
My son (4 ) thinks that when someone is laughing that they are laughing at him.. this is so hard to make him understand that they are laughing for another reason.. (similar to theroy of the mind???)
he will start to cry and yell at the person to stop laughing at him.
I would appreciate any ideas/thoughts to the matter.
Michele



TenebraruM
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04 Aug 2004, 10:01 am

This is probably due to his inability to learn or understand society & their actions as a whole.

I've only started to understand it recently, that Society isn't logical (thanks to Alex for explaining that to me). Society doesn't make sense. That's what makes it so hard for someone with AS to function in society.

From a personal standpoint: I just ignore laughter. The jokes people pull aren't funny to me normally, perhaps that's why I too assumed that when people laughted it was with malcious intent.

Perhaps you could get people around him to inform him when they're issuing a joke, being sarcastic or using a metaphor?


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Scoots5012
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04 Aug 2004, 12:13 pm

shellfd wrote:
My son (4 ) thinks that when someone is laughing that they are laughing at him..


Ah yes, the whole "laughing with" and "laughing at" you deal. I'm 24 I've never been able to figure it out either. The same thing goes for critisisim and sarcasm. I take it all literally, which in turn get me mad, which in turn confuses everyone else when they see me get mad.


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synx13
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04 Aug 2004, 4:14 pm

Another sad thing about humanity: our dominance and intimidation rituals and our acknowledgement of pleasant thoughts have similar appearances. Tell your son that people who are laughing to make him feel bad and inferior usually will continue to watch him while they "laugh" or at least move some part of their body aggressively in his direction. (Even with their back turned they will usually swivel their head towards the object of derision.) This is both because they are afraid their victim will rush at them and can't let down their guard, and also to reassert how they have control and lack of trust for you.

People who laugh because they're having fun show a markable decrease in attention elsewhere. Thoughts that make us laugh are quite distracting. They may try and point, or pay attention, but the funnier it is the more they'll hug their sides, squint their eyes, look downwards and hunch over. When your son sees someone reacting like this, he has to think to himself that they are holding no animosity towards him, but are rather carried away in their happiness. Even if he has done something that they laugh at, they're not laughing to degrade him or intimidate him into not repeating the behavior (the weapon of social conformity). He should instead realize that he's in some way made them just tickled pink, and once they stop laughing they will probably behave friendly towards him if he accepts them and continues on the conversation casually.

To summarize:
laughing at you = dominating and intimidating with harsh laughter
lauging with you = reactinng to something about you they like enough to start laughing



LadyBug
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05 Aug 2004, 5:41 am

shellfd wrote:
Hello. How do you teach a child to understand another's laughter???
My son (4 ) thinks that when someone is laughing that they are laughing at him.. this is so hard to make him understand that they are laughing for another reason.. (similar to theroy of the mind???)
he will start to cry and yell at the person to stop laughing at him.
I would appreciate any ideas/thoughts to the matter.
Michele


I'm wondering, has he himself yet experienced a "belly laugh"? Could this reaction also be due to the suddeness of the laughter and the increased volume? Does he cry or try to hide when others are singing or playing music? It could also be associated with the sudden change of emotion and sound when laughter comes about. There could also be a noise sensitivity of some kind. In addition to not understanding when someone is laughing with him and not at him.

LadyBug



shellfd
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05 Aug 2004, 6:57 am

ladybug, that could be true of the noise sensativity as well, i never thought of it/
he just started to listen to music without screaming- maybe the combination like you said is the true problem..
do you think he is to young to understand this issue- people are not laughing at you...
he only knows 2 emotions (happy, sad) and sometimes he can get them wrong.
he is learning mad;" he says you mean at me?"- he means to say are you made at me.. but he does get this one confused often...
I will keep practicing them ( the emotions) we try to teach only one at a time until he understands it 100% the we move to the next one.
I did not really feel that laughing was an emotion- but maybe it is..
michele

thanks for the replys



Civet
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05 Aug 2004, 9:44 am

Quote:
I did not really feel that laughing was an emotion- but maybe it is..


Laughing itself is not an emotion, it is an expression of several different emotions. It's probably difficult for him because all he can see is the expression of the emotion, and can not see the source of it (the emotion that caused the laughter). He may link laughter only to malice ("mean"), you have to teach him that laughter expresses other emotions, as well, and teach him the subtlies as well, as synx13 has described.



LadyBug
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05 Aug 2004, 2:38 pm

shellfd wrote:
ladybug, that could be true of the noise sensativity as well, i never thought of it/
he just started to listen to music without screaming- maybe the combination like you said is the true problem..
do you think he is to young to understand this issue- people are not laughing at you...
he only knows 2 emotions (happy, sad) and sometimes he can get them wrong.
he is learning mad;" he says you mean at me?"- he means to say are you made at me.. but he does get this one confused often...
I will keep practicing them ( the emotions) we try to teach only one at a time until he understands it 100% the we move to the next one.
I did not really feel that laughing was an emotion- but maybe it is..
michele

thanks for the replys


How cute in his saying for thinking another is mad it him. It makes me brood for another. It's difficult to say if he is "too young" to understand. I've come to know many adults who are "too young" in many ways! :lol:

With my children, they seemed to have been born in different magnitudes of miniature teenagers. Sometimes, they having me thinking I'm quite stupid oftentimes. The most difficult things to teach them was "how to be children", enjoy life, and not be so serious all the time.

Can he smile and make faces at himself in a mirror? The "belly laugh" without being tickled was of great significance for my Aspie, finally at around age 8 years.

Love,

LadyBug