This Girl

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I hate the love and dating section and I don't even look in it because it makes me feel too bad. But anyways since this is about college I thought I'd write it here. My therapist told me one day "you are avoiding women Yoshi because they have been mean to you and if you keep avoiding them you'll never have any kind of relationship with them" while other people tell me to avoid them. I have asperger's and I am a guy, I am a 19 year old guy that attends a state university. So I am a sophomore. anyways last semester there was this girls who said something to me and I said something back shyly because I ddin't know what to say and I thought she was kind of stuck up. I am black so it makes it worse, girls see me and are attracted to me because of my looks and race but then they find out I'm a bit different and I run them away very quickly. So this year I see the girl again and she lives down the hall from me and she goes around knocking on everyones door to get to know them and I open my door and she asks how my dorm looks and I show her and she asks if I want to see hers and I say "sure". so afterwards she said well I'll stop by later. she never came. This has happened before with a girl but I didn't go knocking on her door asking why she didnt come. anyways there was an even in my dorm yesterday so i decided to go and out of nowhere the girl pops up and says "Hi Yoshi" and where I am about to sit and she sits next to me. SO I'm thinking, if I don't start trying a bit harder I'm never gonna get anywhere, so I asked her why she didnt stop by and she says "I..I..was busy" stuttering so I figured she was lying and was just talking. so we wlk back up to the dorm and I said wanna hang out with me (I have a single dorm so I get lonely and bored as hell) and she says call me. so I decide to call her after about 20 minutes and she doesnt pick up. so I wait another 20 minutes and she picks up and says "oh Im watching tv, I'll come over later" and I say "are you sure because I get bored" and she says "Yea I will and I'll bring my roommate". After I got off the phone I said to myself "she's bs-ing, she was just talking about how weird her roommate was so why would she invite her to come over to my place, I just think she's giving me the run around like most girls." and I stayed up from 9 to 1 o'clock waiting for her and I got so frustrated that I deleted her number, broke my phone, my TV, my remote control, my VCR, and lamp. It's so frustrating dealing with women.

Isn't it funny that the same girl my therapist tells me to talk to it ends up the way I think it would. I didn't wanna sound needy but I wanted he to understand that I really do get bored in my single dorm. I am not going to talk to her again, if I happen to see her and she says Hi I am going to completely ignore her because all that's gonna happen is I'm gonna get frustrated by how flaky she is and I might end up breaking my things to release the frustration. I have an asperger's course that starts monday with aspie guys and girls and I have my new German class this week and I introduced myself to my professor and she said she'll let me know about activities so I hope I make some friends (male friends). women frustrate me too much, this has been happening to me since I was in the 3rd grade, being blown off.

yea so just reply with some experiences of your own or your two cents about the situation I'd really appreciate it.

Hello Yoshi.

I used to get frustrated by people's flakiness too until I realized that all the energy I was putting into the frustration of it was wasted when it could have been used on something creative or fun for me.

The fact is, not everyone on this planet lives with the same integrity we do. We all have different rules, boundaries and morals for which we choose to live by. Doesn't make one wrong or one right. It's just reality. When we first meet someone, that is an opportunity for each person to show who they are, and for us to accept their reality - really accept them for exactly who they are. We can then choose whether or not to have that person with his or her rules, boundaries and morals in our lives. No reason to become frustrated. We just move on. I look at it like putting a puzzle together - some fit, some don't, but the ones that don't, you don't focus on them and become frustrated, you look for another piece, and another piece, and another piece until the proper one fits. It's a much more peaceful and productive existence, in my opinion.

Because you get bored in your dorm room is none of her business nor concern. That is your business only to be solved by you. She was merely looking to meet people similar to herself, just as you are looking for someone similar to yourself. Becoming destructive toward yourself or your belongings is only hurting yourself. Ultimately, whether or not you all were a match for friendship or more, she took a risk by knocking on your door. With people like that, if they flake once, I let it go, then leave it up to them to pursue a friendship or a get-together. It is not worth my energy to chase after someone who isn't as interested as I am.

Anywho, agree or disagree, this is just my 2 cents coming from my own experience.

Cheers.

Woah! I see you're quite the over-achiever ... like me.

The romantic side of things kinda sucks to high heaven for us Aspie males, but don't dismiss opportunities to make lady-friends anyway. Probably half my friends in the art community are women. The one's I've asked out don't take any interest in me that way, but I still benefit from their intellectual input anyway.

I once had a conversation that went something like this one late night downtown.
Smokin' hot gal: "Hey Peaches!?"
Me: "Excuse me?"
Gal: "I recognize you Peaches. Last year you came into my party and started dancing like a drunken fool."
Me: "Yep, that sounds like me alright, but 'Peaches' was just some stupid name my friends game me, I go by 'Noogie'."
Gal: "Haha! Noooo, your name is PEACHES."
Me [on the inside]:
Gal: "So the gals and I were wondering whatever happened to you. You should meet up with us some time."
Me: "That would be great! How do I contact you?"
Gal: "I go by '___ __ ____' so you just google '___ __ _____'."
Me: "That doesn't sound very reliable. How 'bout I just write down your email or I give you my number?"
Gal: "No no, trust me. Google __ _ ____ and it's the first thing that comes up."
I googled it the moment I got home.
After searching thru pages of results and finding nothing but garbage, I gave up and went to sleep.

One time, I had an awesome conversation with a beautiful girl at this bar.
I ran into her again the same place next week and we talked again.
She asked if I would sketch her portrait, so I did, and she loved it.
She even gave me a flower. I gave her the sketch.
Then she said, "Oh boy! I can't wait to show this to my husband. "
So I'm thinking the entire walk home by myself alone in the dark.