Leaving the comfort zone

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My Aspie son is joining college. He is smart and all but not social enough

I told him what I know about thyis building and that building, and told him that other buildings he has to discover by himself. He should know where the student post office, grocery store ..etc. because i really don't know where they are.

I asked him several times if he cohtacted other students to find out , the answer is no. It was easy for him to communicate by cell phone or Facebook ..etc. with a few guys we know and he would get all info he needs, but it seems he is finding it difficult to do just that .

While driving, we saw 3 students walking and I stopped and asked him just to ask them where the post office was. He refused. When insisted , he said it was not urgent to know where post office was ! !!

Trying to avoid a conforntation and meltdown, I parked the car and sloooooowly explained to him that "post office" will definitely be surrounded by other shops like barbershop and other such facilities he may need anytime.

I told him : One day you will have 2 hours between classes and you will want to save time after school and shorten your to do list . So you will use those 2 hours to go to the barber ..etc. Don't you think ?? He agreed ...

Oh, he agreed it was a good idea, but not to ask .

So, my question is : how did you help your kid to gradually make firends and stand on his own, at least asking others ( not dad or mom ) about everything he needs.

Thanks

Also , a desperate parent question to Aspie boys and girls :

what is it that helped you get out and open to other friends ??

Thanks.

He will do those things when he needs to. My family always wants to force me to talk to others, do things I don't want to, etc. But I will not. Not until it is necessary.

Google, google maps, walking, exploring, there are a million ways to figure things out without asking someone. To you this might seem like the easiest way to figure things out, to him there are probably easier ways.

And about what I did to become more social, time. After a while you get more confident, and don't care so much about these things.

Although I am 24 and still have no friends, there are just people out there that are happier on their own or find it hard to connect with others. To me, making and keeping friends just doesn't seem worth it. The negatives outweight the positive. But that is just me.

Anyways, good luck with this! I hope your kid has a great time at college.

Thank you very much

I really want to listen to him, but I am not getting any feedback from him. So, when I suggest him to ask someone, he could answer calmly: Well, dad, I prefer to look it on-line. That would be fine with me, but he doesn't do anything. If I repeat the request, his blood pressure rise and he becomes upset, waving his hands and asking : Is it that urgent ?

As a matter of fact, his " life experiences " outside the house are rather limited and would be rather difficult for him to figure out alternative ways. That is what worries me.

So, I see my suggestions as "step by step guides" showing him what to do , but he resists, and not show alternative choices and moves in any other directions.

He asked me about a certain building where he can sit / rest in his free time. He asked about the library in particular ( I have mentioned him a few weeks back that some students find the library atmosphere relaxing) . That worried me because I know how narrowly focused he can be most times. That building is very far from where studies. And new students have MANY such buildings in their part of the university (another library, snack bars, community halls ..etc.) . All he needs is ask where they are. However, I am so scared he WILL walk to the particular library building which I showed him (he has walked such unnecessary distances before), and avoid asking about the buildings much closer to him.

Any suggestions are appreciated

Please advise me :
Should I investigate the buildings he needs by myself ( asking students for example) and show him ?? Or should I leave him - even if he walks distances and risk missing classes - until he figure things at his own pace ??


I have a special question to you sagan. It will help me better understand things
As an apie, do YOU understand my (parental) concerns ?
Do you think my son does ??

Your son will be able to social. i can do it myself. it takes time for the brain to improve the environment surrounding your son. he can do it. just help him social by giving him tips.