Speaking of inappropriate behaviour...oh boy!

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I'm a bit ill at the moment so had to go and withdraw blood yesterday.....my son went with, has short midterm brake till tomorrow.
He was so anxious about me having blood drawn, I told him he musn't look or can stay outside.....no he wants to see! So mommy had to 'keep her cool!"
Ok...so sinse they started till the end he laughed and enjoyed my discomfort! Saying that he was so relieved that it wasn't him!
When I told him later that it's not very nice to laugh when others experience stress, he said that I usually smiles while they withdraw his blood!! ! Oh my goodness! I then realized why he got so upset with me in the past....I had te explain to him that my smile was one of comforting and caring.....!
Oh...the joys of having a kiddo on the spectrum!

Maybe it wasn't a good idea to smile at him while he's getting his blood drawn. You sent him the wrong message this way. It's common knowledge around WP that one of the hallmarks of AS is inability to infer emotions based on facial expressions. Presumably, at one point in the past, your son learned that smile = happiness. So imagine how he'd feel, sitting in an uncomfortable chair with a rubber band wrapped around his arm and a nurse he met for the first time jabbing a needle through his skin, while his own mother is smiling, which in his mind, is equivalent to laughing at him. No wonder he smiled and even laughed when the tables were turned, and you were getting a blood test and he was watching.

Given your son's AS and young age, knowing the difference between a "smile of happiness" and a "smile of compassion" is too advanced for him. For the time being, stick with a one-to-one correspondence between a particular facial expression and an emotion associated with it. I, personally, would have preferred a cringing "ow, that's gotta hurt" expression, much like you'd make when you see someone slip on a banana peel.

I actually have an anecdote of my own, except it's about laughter. Being an aspie kid, my head was filled with countless of science knowledge. So when I tried to talk about it with my parents, they'd laugh in response. By then, I learned that laughter = funny = not taking seriously. So, I limited intellectual conversations with my parents to school subjects. My parents tried to explain to me that it was a "laughter of approval", but I didn't buy it. To this day, I believe that laughter by its very definition cannot possibly mean approval.

Aspie1 - Sometimes we as parents laugh when our children, AS or NT, say incredibly intelligent things because it is surprising, in a good way, but still surprising and unexpected. Surprise is a natural part of humor. As a matter of fact, that is what makes a lot of comedians funny. They say things you don't expect and make connections between apparently disparate things and ideas. We laugh when a comedian does it so sometimes that is also our knee-jerk reaction when our kids do it. With my AS son I have learned to try and control my reactions so that the misunderstanding you describe is less likely to happen but sometimes he says or does things that make me laugh even though he is not trying to. On the other hand, when he is purposefully attempting to be humorous, I try to give him the response he is looking for so he can feel confident is his interactions with others.

Yeah, not quite on topic but when I compare my NT daughter and my ASD son, his thinking is often so very literal, and to me it seems limited. I do however think my son mainly knows how to react with facial expressions etc, and he makes pretty good eye contact. However he got beaten up a bit by a big kid (with aggression issues) I think for pulling faces at that kid on the bus - so not very sensible or appropriate behaviour there! Also I can be saying something serious to him and he will be laughing away I think at something he is thinking inside - however my fear is that that is conceivably a sign of very early phase schizophrenia, like his mother, rather than a misunderstanding of what is appropriate.

Not sure if Aspie1's parent were laughing at him or with him - but laughing with someone is generally a sign of approval.

Yes, we had to have a long discussion with our son about how sometimes we laugh with delight at some of the stuff he says (it's totally true - yesterday he was reciting "Jabberwocky" while taking a shower, and it tickled me so that I laughed out loud.) After a long talk, I think he does understand that when we laugh, it's out of surprise and delight and not out of making fun of him, which we would never do. Having an Aspie kid is a treasure because he doesn't act like all the other kids. I love that.

Unfortunately, just like our kids, we parents can't always control what emotions we show - and we can't always predict how our kids will interpret them. I'm really glad that we've reached a point with my son where, after a cooling-down period, we can talk it through. Sounds like Lovelyboy can do this with her son, too.

I'm not saying that anyone in this thread would laugh at their child. I'm just saying that for a young aspie child, who is learning intellectually what NT kids learn instinctively, it's best to keep some semblance of a one-to-one correspondence between facial expressions and emotions, as an accommodation for him. After all, while it's impossible to control one's feelings, it's possible to control one's outward reactions. Case in point: While we might laugh at a random dude on the street who slipped on a banana peel, we'll generally show restraint in our expressions, if we, for example, see a co-worker trip, fall down, and drop a stack of papers.

Similarly, I believe in reserving laughter for situations that are truly, beyond a shadow of doubt, funny. Or when someone's trying to be funny, like when a child is telling a joke. For situations like when a child is talking about the composition of Saturn's rings (they're fascinating, but they're just circles of ice and rock; nothing funny about that), some other reaction might be more appropriate: maybe a high-five or saying "wow, good job!". This is mainly for the benefit of the aspie child. You don't want to confuse him by reacting identically (from his point of view) when he wears a clown costume and when he talks about Saturn's rings.

Speaking of Saturn's rings, you might enjoy this YouTube video; it's beautiful. It shows what the sky would look like if Earth had rings like Saturn. Heck, if your kids enjoy astronomy, I'm sure they'd love it. Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hoz5Q2rGQtQ.

I must honestly say...that by the time my son had blood drawn, we didn't know he had AS...now, I will be more carefull. I agree...we do talk about the meaning of non-verbal, because I do think it's important that I help him and teach him to understand the world and people around him. He does struggle with reading facial expressions...like when his dad gets angry with him he will laugh and think it's a game!...Very frustrating for us all!
Thanx Aspie1 for sharing, nice to have feedback from 'the other side'.....but as I said, the world is not going to limit their non-verbal...so I will help him to try and cope.
Hoegaandit...I'm not a doc, but don't worry to much about your son showing signs of early schisophrenia...Your son sounds just like mine!

My son sometimes laughs at inappropriate times, like when I am angry with him, and seems unable to control it. I have learned that it is his reaction to a particularly stressful situation and he is not mocking me but is stressed and that is just how it comes out. I've read about other kids who have this reaction as well.

Giggling can also be a sign for embarrassment.