Huge problems in college

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(Read the last two paragraphs to go straight to the problem)

I changed careers earlier this year due to the fact that I was not going to be happy doing social presentations hour after hour in front of the class individually and as part of a group in the one I had chosen. I switched to an engineering one even though it is way harder than economics or finance hoping that I would not have to do presentations and wouldn't have to do group work until the last two years or something but unfortunately for me that was not the case.

In fact, in engineering they require you to do group work as homework outside the building and then present your work while doing a presentation in front of everyone while the teacher evaluates you.

I could not even handle the thought of this and could neither handle the fact that I would let everyone down if I were to be assigned one of these projects or homework (all evaluated homework was in this fashion) in a group and then present it so I skipped all the work that had to be presented which was worth 30-60% of the grade depending on the subject and also gives you the most credits. I have tried doing the exams but my performance deteriorates very heavily when there are so many people packed in one place.

In one week I have to retake all the subjects because I've failed them all and hope that I somehow get the minimum credits or marks which I don't have right now so that I am able to switch to another career and not be forced to do the same one again. Another problem is I have not told this to my parents who have funded ~75% of the price of the course and even though they don't suspect that I have aspergers my doctor speculated a few months ago that I had it. Also, I have not seeked counseling in college about my problems because I did not have an official diagnosis and I feared that they would not take my problems seriously.

So, how can I even begin to tell my parents in a week that I have failed and that not only am I worthless socially but also an academic failure? It is difficult for me not to constantly think of suicide because of this situation.

I read your post.

Gosh, there are layers of problems. Oftentimes the solution to the most complicated problem(s) can be simpler than you'd think. But first, you'll be OK, JohnXIX. Obviously you've had difficulties stemming from AS that are beyond your immediate control. Please don't ever think you're a failure - you're not. In fact, I kind-of suspect your academic setting has failed you. And you're not socially worthless either. If you are suicidal, call emergency services now. Your life is worth more than you know.

Could you show your parents what you've written here? I know they'll be upset but I doubt, from what you've shared, they know the 'whole story.' From my experience, 'new' Aspies (if you know what I mean) tend to have a life breakdown and this seems to be your case. As if nothing works and if one thing is wrong then everything is.

Please do not give up on your education. It is the single most important thing you can do for yourself. That being said, could you take off for, say, a year or so? Do something else. Find your self-confidence (which has obviously taken a major hit right now). Be patient with yourself.

Could you see an academic adviser soon? You do not need to divulge all, but instead be forthright about your goals. Let them know too that you've had a really rough go (medical issues) and need a break. Does your university have a disabilities &/or counseling services? They may be able to work out a plan but you may first need to 'stop the clock' with your academics right now so your transcript is not damaged. You ought to have been given options about taking exams privately and accommodations regarding presentation. Or help with planning/scheduling. Anyhow, that's now past history. Take a deep breath and start from now. A future option too may be switching universities, but one thing at a time.

To be honest, if you were a neurotypical student who just told me you didn't study, etc., I'd be furious with you right now. But you're not. Instead, I see you're struggling with that crippling Aspie transition phase. I did that once. There is an afterward though. So, take some time off just now. Then reformulate yourself and start over. All the best.

You need to talk to your academic adviser. Explain everything you've just laid out here. After that, go to your parents, too. They will probably be more receptive to you asking for help than if you tell them you've failed entirely without first asking for help when things got bad.

You may need a DX to receive accommodations. Accommodations may be the difference between failure and success.

I think that, long-term, engineering will be a better fit for you. If you end up working as a financial adviser, you will have to interact with people a lot, basically giving them presentations about how you plan to invest their money in order to win clients. I know that I couldn't do that for a living.

Good luck, I hope you get things figured out.

Thank you for your help and kind words. It is a very difficult time for me and I can't begin to tell you how much it means to me that someone understands my situation and has gone through this phase before. It seems to have come the time to finally get my parents to understand my situation but without a diagnosis I am not sure if they will really believe me and I feel that it is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I'll try showing them this post but I'll try to talk about it first.

The suggestion about my academic setting failing me is something that I had not considered since I believed that over the years there must have seen other cases like mine and since there was no solution they simply ignored it. After all, in a job one would need to do something similar but with higher pressure and responsibility.

I wanted to take a gap year since I felt mentally exhausted at the beginning of the year but since I had to re-take a year in school after falling into a deep depression and I am now behind academically, my parents gave me an ultimatum. I either did well this year of college or that would be the end.

I told my tutors and random teachers in the beginning of the year that I was hospitalized a few years ago for falling into a deep depression and I am still in close watch. This was mainly caused by other serious family problems but I think aspergers had something to do with it as well as school being horrible. I'll try to get in contact with my academic adviser but I'm not sure if they work in August since my tutors don't either and student admissions and career changes are all dealt with in the last week of September.

If I could, I would try to switch to math but I heard that since there is low demand for that career they don't have specific spaces allotted to them and have to go to empty classes all over the place and overall they don't seem to take it seriously.

Seems there's an overwhelming amount of pressure on your just now, which you surely recognise as well. Do go easy on yourself. Your idea about a gap year is right on the mark - consider this for yourself now. Before you begin anew, you'll need to get yourself sorted first. Take time. And persevere.

Mathematics is a great field with many opportunities. Of course you can. Let your adviser know. Well, best to you regarding your parents - you need their support right now. If you want, you could print-out this thread with all the replies for them. You would do well with a mentorship programme with a trusted adult, like a former teacher or one who is influential for you. The Wrong Planet is a great resource and it may be beneficial for you to visit Tony Attwood's site for ideas http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/

http://www.autismhangout.com/ < Check out the Aspie mentor programme


Take care of yourself.