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qwertyuiop1994
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26 Oct 2012, 10:35 am

People at my school say that I'm very slow at "banter" (this is a word that I hate). It's quite annoying as they start laughing at me and I just can't come up with any response. An example: I was called a goat last week I responded by saying that I'm not a goat I'm a human. Their response was to laugh at me and then they told me to repeat what I had said. It was at this point I got extremely confused as he said he was laughing at what I had said but then asked me to repeat it as he hadn't heard me. I ended up walking away but I was upset for the rest of the day as I don't know how to reply next time they or someone else says something. Any ideas? thanks.



Ann2011
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26 Oct 2012, 10:42 am

That's not banter, that's bullying. They don't sound like friends. I'm not sure what response would have made the situation better. Maybe calling him some sort of animal. I find in situations like this that copying the behavior of the other is helpful, but I would probably avoid these people.



cubedemon6073
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26 Oct 2012, 10:55 am

qwertyuiop1994 wrote:
People at my school say that I'm very slow at "banter" (this is a word that I hate). It's quite annoying as they start laughing at me and I just can't come up with any response. An example: I was called a goat last week I responded by saying that I'm not a goat I'm a human. Their response was to laugh at me and then they told me to repeat what I had said. It was at this point I got extremely confused as he said he was laughing at what I had said but then asked me to repeat it as he hadn't heard me. I ended up walking away but I was upset for the rest of the day as I don't know how to reply next time they or someone else says something. Any ideas? thanks.


I think I understand what they're talking about. Here is an idea but most people would think it is immature. I was the victim of nonsense like this as well. If I had a do over I would turn something like this into a dirty joke. For example, if they called you a goat I would tell them "yes you're right, I am a goat who f***s your mother with my big goat dick." Just make up something stupid. If I did something like this though I would make sure no teacher was around. Either that would piss them off or you would score some cool points with them.



Kiseki94
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26 Oct 2012, 12:12 pm

Those people sound like a bunch of jerks. I sometimes don't know how to keep a conversation going. I also have trouble hearing what people say. I'm a visual thinker, so I guess this plays into it. A lot of times I just hear a bunch of mumbling instead of what a person is saying and I have to wait a while to figure out what they said.



qwertyuiop1994
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26 Oct 2012, 3:41 pm

cubedemon6073 wrote:
qwertyuiop1994 wrote:
People at my school say that I'm very slow at "banter" (this is a word that I hate). It's quite annoying as they start laughing at me and I just can't come up with any response. An example: I was called a goat last week I responded by saying that I'm not a goat I'm a human. Their response was to laugh at me and then they told me to repeat what I had said. It was at this point I got extremely confused as he said he was laughing at what I had said but then asked me to repeat it as he hadn't heard me. I ended up walking away but I was upset for the rest of the day as I don't know how to reply next time they or someone else says something. Any ideas? thanks.


I think I understand what they're talking about. Here is an idea but most people would think it is immature. I was the victim of nonsense like this as well. If I had a do over I would turn something like this into a dirty joke. For example, if they called you a goat I would tell them "yes you're right, I am a goat who f**** your mother with my big goat dick." Just make up something stupid. If I did something like this though I would make sure no teacher was around. Either that would piss them off or you would score some cool points with them.
Id like to say something like that at least it would get them to leave me alone although if I admit I'm a goat then i'd just be lying because I can't be a goat but thanks everyone for the suggestions :) I appreciate it.



VAGraduateStudent
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28 Oct 2012, 9:40 pm

I have several family members on the spectrum, who did not know they were on the spectrum when we were growing up. One of these family members we now know has AS. When he was younger we all thought that he was a master of dry humor and we spent YEARS laughing at these hilarious things he said and did. We laugh a lot in our family and didn't think anything of it. He turned pink a lot and didn't laugh with us most of the time, but that's the trick to dry humor- you say something really funny and then don't laugh while everyone else laughs. He was pink but whatever, he was a teenager and they have a lot of hormones.

Turns out, now that he's an adult, that he DOESN'T UNDERSTAND HUMOR. So all these years we were bullying him and infuriating him. Several times he's almost hauled up and punched me straight in the face following one of his "jokes" and now I totally get why. He wasn't making a joke and I was laughing at completely serious statements he was trying to make. I feel like a major jerk now. I try my best now to only laugh if HE laughs so I know he really is making a joke on purpose.

So my point number one is that it could be that you're being purposefully bullied, but it could also be that they think you're making jokes on purpose and don't understand that you're angry.

But you totally WILL be bullied if you show that it bothers you. I know another guy (I think he's NT) who doesn't get jokes and he just flat out says "I don't get jokes" if you try to kid around with him, then he ignores you. No one bullies him. You don't have to "banter" if it's artificial to you. Just be like "Yeah, I don't do that" and go back to whatever you're doing.



Canaspie
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28 Oct 2012, 9:47 pm

Ann2011 wrote:
That's not banter, that's bullying. They don't sound like friends.

^^this^^ you're better not to be around people like this. They can call it banter to hide what they're really doing - what they're really doing is getting a kick out of laughing at you

Honestly, you're probably best to try to ignore it. Even if you try to learn how to give it right back to them, the honest truth is that they're probably always going to be better at it than you. Trying to mimic their behaviour will quite possibly just make them laugh harder - and not in a good way.

People like this tend to do it for the response...you don't give them one, and it will no longer be fun for them.



qwertyuiop1994
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30 Oct 2012, 3:58 pm

Thanks everyone but I have a question (I think this is most likely to be answered by an NT). How do they know that I find it annoying is there some specific "tell" I'm demonstrating? I'm not sure.