Hair Trauma

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How old is she?

What worked for me, as soon as I was old enough to be able to do it, was my parents making me brush my own hair. I would take ages doing it, because I had to be extremely gentle, but eventually I'd get it done. And with encouragement to brush my hair more quickly, I would go as fast as I could tolerate, which gradually built up my ability to tolerate it. Now, I can brush my hair in a couple seconds, and feel uncomfortable if I don't brush. (Although it took about 10 years from when I started brushing my own hair to when I could brush it that quickly.)

I solved this by letting my daughter brush her own hair after washing 2x per week. She also brushes it with soft bristled brush each am. She also has curly hair. Is it perfectly brushed/styled? No. But you pick your battles and styled hair is one we dropped. It has saved us from the blood curdling screaming that we used to endure. I have told her if she gets a knot in her hair that she can't brush out I will cut it off. She doesn't want her hair cut off so she gets the bad tangles out herself. Problem solved.

It almost seems as if she has developed a phobia of the anticipation of the pain associated with it, and like you said every time you get a couple of strands caught it just validates her fear. The way to help would be to both address the sensitivity, give her more control, and help her reduce her anxiety about what is to come.

For example, you might try giving her a scale from 0 to 5, where 0 is no problem, 1 is uncomfortable, but I can stand it, 2 is I'm starting to get stressed, so I need to distract myself, take a deep breath or pause for 5 seconds (something like that), 3 is too much, hold on a sec, 4 is pain its starting to hurt, give me a few minutes, 5 is I can't take any more. Having this on a visual chart can allow her to communicate without screaming.

As for the pain, sensitivity, do all the things the OT recommends - massage, vibration, maybe a sock weight on her neck, ... I'm not as sure about this area.

Just some brief thoughts.

I had a really bad stage as a child just like her, from about 6-9 years old.

They changed the routine to this: coconut oil once a week (one of the only oils that can enter the hair follicle), brushing my hair only once a week, grasping it from mid way before brushing, and brushing from the bottom up. Usually they would loosely plait it after washing it to avoid needing to brush it during the week.

Apart from that, sometimes they would braid my head completely - African style braids, which would last for 6 months at a time.

Thanks again everyone, for your support, advice and understanding. Well, since I lasted posted, things have improved a great deal. I encourage her to lift her own hair out from under her collar. I've also tried to get her to do it herself, but she's only doing a bit, then causing herself pain, so she wants me to continue for now. I think just having the control of lifting her own hair out has helped enormously. I'm still using macadamia nut oil on it. First of all, she lifts her hair out, then I gently rub the oil onto the hair, then she brushes her teeth, then I get to work with a comb briefly dipped in water. I'm also using the wide toothed comb which I used when I was younger - the teeth are in/out/in/out and curved. I've always used a wide toothed one, but, for some reason she hated it, but this one seems better.

In general, her sensory issues are not bad just now. She's eating better than she has in many years too. So, I'm not sure if she's less sensitive at the moment or if the things I'm doing are working. Whatever it is, long may it last.

Maybe just that you cared enough to try some new things, reduced the anxiety, and in turn helped with the oversensitivity.

Anyway, glad to hear it is better