4 yr old son just diagnosed with as

Post Reply New Topic

Hi everyone. After fighting for months to have our son accessed with no joy we went private and now our little man has been diagnosed with aspergers. In the blitz of all of this my partner has said he too believes he lives with as. Has anyone any experience of a spouse and child with aspergers? X

I hope the best for you and your family.
I am fifteen and have know that I have had aspergers since I was 6 years old. I struggled my entire life to make friends and fit in in someway.
My advice to you: Tell your son about his diagnosis. Hiding it from him will only cause him pain.
Force him to socialize. If he socializes from a young age, It will help him develop social skills.
Unfortunately, to me, it sounds like your partner is lying. Can't really say, don't know him but still.....

My father and I and my mom, I believe, are all on the spectrum of aspergers. My dad is less functioning than I am, so I found it frustrating and then humorous trying to relate to him since he shies away from hugs and I like cuddling. I think there's nothing wrong with encouraging socializing, but forcing it may cause problems with trust due to pushing somebody to try to be what they are not rather than showing that you love the person for who they are.

Thanks for your replies. It took a lot of courage from my partner to say he thinks he has been living with aspergers so i am so proud. He has always been afraid of social situations where he will distance himself from a conversation and also can not read me non verbally which has caused many upsets with us. Now i am trying to learn more especially now my son has been diagnosed at the age of 4 ( which we have noticed since he was 2) he has an amazing mind for numbers and also remembers details from when he was was 2 yrs old eg what birthday cakes he had. I will not force him to socialize as this would be distressing for both father and son. I just want to make both their lives easier x

Welcome

If your child is somewhat similar to him, I can give you some advices, based on my childhood with parents who haven't heard of aspergers.
What I mainly remember is, what some call taking things literally:

If your child goes to school, and he doesn't like music, or history, or some other subject, you can't just make force him to do it.
I didn't do it for the good grades ( why would I, for some patch of ink on a paper? ), not even more money or food, or extra time with legos.
If my parents want buy me new lego, they will, if they don't want to, then they won't. What the heck would be the connection, between lego, and memorizing a poem by a poet who is long dead, and repeating it to a teacher?
If you would like your child to study, to socialize, take bath, behave well, you need to explain to him why it would seem a good choice to do it. Yes, as you would explain to an adult, it takes a long time, and often not successful. For me when I understood something, that was when I learnt it, not when my parents gave me cookies, or beat me, or smiled at me. That doesn't mean anything.
One important thing, if the child also likes asking questions, those are probably meant literally.
"Why is that blue car going that way?"
The right answer is explaining why.
Some of the wrong answers:
A smile,
A hug,
"Psst., I'm listening to the radio"
"Oh, when you see it, you will know it!"
"Because you are a bad boy, hahaha"
"Because you are a good boy, hahaha"
"Yes"
"No"
"Well, people just do that, whatever"

This is the case not only at age 3 of 4, when many children keep on asking "mum, why...."
But also at age 6, at age 16, at age 30, your child will a question to look for an answer, not to insult, or hurt, or get attention, or because he is sad, or because he is happy.

I think I could go on writing more about the things I didn't understand when I was young.
Good luck with parenting! -- or whatever it is appropriate to say here.