Did you dread the loss of your parents/grandparents?

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You are correct, sir. My parents had me later in ife. I used to think about the same fears of losing my parents. My mother died in 2006 when I was 24 years old. I thought my father would still be there for me but he got himself a girlfriend who had a child of her own and moved them into the house. She was so nasty and abusive that I stopped trying to see my father and moved out into an apartment in the only neighborhood I could afford: An all-black inner-city area where I stick out like a sore thumb and have become the target of racism and the occasional mugging-at-gunpoint... stealing my cash, my ID, etc... I got a job as a superintendant where I get a free apartment and about $250 a week... enough to survive but that's it. If I ever quit my job I would be automatically homeless. I dropped out of school because I felt terribly depressed. I no longer received any hugs or "I love you's" from anyone. My life had, for all intensive purposes ENDED. I feel alone in a world full of bullies.. and it really has been. People will take massive advantage of anyone who seems weaker or slower.

Who's taking care of me? who's helping me? nobody. I'm on my own. I've been falsely accused of things i haven't done and spent a day in jail (before it was dismissed), i've lost my driver's license. my credit is destroyed (over me losing my first home and for a credit card I had with my father that he never paid off). Either way, I can't qualify to rent an apartment ANYWHERE. Bill collectors are piling up on me and it won't be long before they start garnishing my paycheck. I miss my old life... so much... or maybe I just miss my mom. She had ways to make me feel good about life and myself nomatter how bad things sometimes got. But in retrospect it was never half as bad as it is now.... I feel strong for all my aspies... I know the nonsense and desperation they face in their lifetimes. I dream about starting a commune or big farm somewhere we could all come together and live life and be happy and have aspie friends and be creative... I don't think it's going to happen because aspies in general don't like to group together.

I'm not sure what keeps me going now... I've lived alone for years... no GF... no real friends.. I will never be able to find a woman to marry and much less afford to support a family.... but with my wonderful aspie personality i don't think i would be able to pull off a relationship long-term anyway. I think about ending it every single day when I wake up... it's been like that for years. I haven't done it yet... I'm taking a chance and hoping one of these teenage gang thugs around here will rob and actually shoot me one of these days. I sometimes watch zombie flicks and I feel like I can relate. To me, the whole world has turned into zombies that I cannot understand or relate to and they are hungry for aspie-brains to eat.. or aspies to target. Can anyone else relate to the zombie situation?

Still living at home at this and have not lived away from home since college 35 years ago, Parents are 78, 84 years old with some serious issues besides the grief that will come I worry what is to become of me when they they get debilitated and die which should not be far off. With my siblings trying with a financial planner/lawyer to figure something out and we have made some moves(including my diagnoses), but I can't see how this ends well. I admire those of you who have survived in the street because I would not last long at my age.

Hang in there big bro. Some people will tell you that you are blessed for having had your parents around for so long. As an aspie I know better. You've got some rough seas ahead of you and things will never be as comfortable again... atleast not in your mind. All I can recommend is to get into contact with other aspies on here. We must be here for eachother: Emotional support, a listening ear, some advice... this is the best place to get it after ones parents

Nobody needs to tell me I know I am extremely blessed. The ending may be messy as endings often are but I know I got a lot further in life then I would have because they accepted and encouraged differences. Whatever the ending may be it will be with the knowledge of who I am. A knowledge many aspies of my generation never got to know because they did not make it.

JacobV: yes, sometimes, even though my situation is different. I also dream about somehow making available a large piece of land with decent buildings on it for aspies. But then I remember what happened with me when I have tried to be with a group or even one other person. Not. Good.
ASPartOfMe, I wish the best for you and hope that your siblings help a financial planner come up with a plan to keep you secure. What I realized after my folks' deaths was that the love that one of them gave me didn't go away. It's right here in my heart.

Thank you

I loved all four of my grandparents, and still do one of them (my maternal grandmother, still alive). Perhaps because of that peculiarly Aspie thing of getting on better with older people.

I was very fortunate in my upbringing that my paternal grandmother and I formed a 'mutual appreciation society' from early on in my life and she became like a second mother to me and played a huge part in my life.

I have a photograph of her attached to my bedroom mirror, and whenever she comes to mind I look at it and smile with genuine affection, recalling all the precious time I spent with her.

I loved her husband (my paternal grandfather) too, but he was quite undemonstrative, so our relationship was cooler.

Because I am a firm believer in life after death, I did not mourn any of my three grandparental losses: Although it was an unavoidable emotional shock, I know that they have continued and that it is merely a matter of time before I am reunited with them (no, this is not a religious belief).

My parents I can reasonably expect to life for another 20-30 years, so I have plenty of time to prepare, but I will also see them again on the other side. If I am quite honest, I am looking forward to my father's death because he is such a s**tbag in so many ways. As for my mother, I hope and expect that she will live to an old old age in robust health (which she gives every sign of doing).

My only worry about mortality is that due to my deeply unhealthy lifestyle, I might die before my mother, which I know would cause her so much grief.

I think it's easier to deal with when the family member is old and already gone. My grandfather died in 2007 and he was already gone before his death and then my grandmother passed away just this past February and she was already gone too. They both had Alzheimer's and you had to do everything for them and they were not the same grandparents I knew growing up. My dad wasn't really sad either when his mom died because she was already gone and her body finally caught up with her mind. She has cancer and they couldn't do anything about it due to her old age and it would have killed her so we just let mother nature take over and she died two weeks later. Either way she would have died so we picked the let her die peacefully. Even my oldest uncle flew out to see her on short notice when my mom didn't sugar coat it and told him she was dying and he better come see her before she is gone. But my dad's youngest brother was in denial and wouldn't accept his mom was dying and kept thinking maybe she will get better and she was getting worse and worse. He was there when she died and one of the caregivers woke him up when she found his mom dead in her bed when she came to give her her medicine. She died in her sleep. I ever cried or grieved when they died. I was shocked when I found out my grandfather died and shocked again when my mom told me abruptly my grandma is dying. For my grandfather it was a sudden and no one was expecting it and for my grandmother, it was gradually and it was happening slowly and it took two weeks for her to pass and we were all expecting it and knew it was going to happen while for my grandfather, no one knew it was going to happen. I didn't feel bad for my grandma because I knew she wouldn't remember it and she didn't even know who her husband was and would ask who that strange guy was in her bed. So when he died, she wouldn't even know because she wouldn't remember him.

My grandparents are long gone. I had a grandmother die when I was 6 or 7. I was to young to understand. The other ones lasted between 75 and 92 and I had a great grandmother get close to 100. They led full happy lives no need for extrame grief. Toughest was an uncle who died at age 57.

Ooh this post got revived. Well I think there's such thing as best time to die, especially if you have children. The best time to die is when your children are in their 60s and your grandchildren have grown up and married. Once the next generation start up you want to hang on and keep watching the great-grandchildren coming. My grandma has got the 5th generation (great great grandchildren) in school already. To be honest it's not that fun for her children. Her oldest two are 79 and 77, one has heart condition and one got cancer. They can't look after her any more. Her two youngest are still working full time (all the children between them have died) so they don't have time. She's kinda moving from house and house between 3 or 4 of the grandchildren's places and complain a lot.

I've been learning and practicing anxiety control. I think that's the key to resolving the fear. Everyone will die, that's for sure. All you can really do is prepare a bit and then not worry about it. It works even for atheists.

No. They are all dead now, and I felt almost nothing. Mom had AS herself, and only had babies for camoflage. She thought that responding to cuteness was beneath her dignity, so I just had to cry myself to sleep until I learned proper english.