Feeling close to the edge... anyone relate to any of this?

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Disclaimer: Self indulgent rant to follow

The irony is objectively life is the best its been in a long while. I quit a job where I was being scapegoated due to my social inadequacies have a job where I determine my hours am in the top 5 students on my course (not sure where exactly as im only in yr 2) and im finally getting diagnosed. Before this I was languishing in my family home experiencing meltdowns every day.

I just have this overriding sense that something awful is going to happen. My stomach is constantly wrung tight as a clenched knuckle and my ocd is raging out of control - I cant touch walls doors surfaces appliances etc without needing to wash my hands. Im basically a nervous wreck.

Have any of you been here - how did you claw your way free?

Maybe you're feeling like everything is going too good and you're experiencing anxiety that it's not going to last?

I feel similar right now. Everything is up in the air. However, objectively you can say that my life is better than it could ever be. I finally have the money to move out on my own. I can move to Louisville, which I love. I will have the time, money, self-confidence, and opportunity to date. I will have my college degree (it has taken 11 years). At the same time, I am often at the point of wanting to die. I always ended obsessed about stuff and driving my mood into ground with my negative thinking.

I think it is the fear of the unknown. I don't want to believe that things can go good because I have been waiting so long for this, and I was always disappointed in the past. I am gearing up for everything to fall apart this time too.

The biggest fear I have is dating because I have never done it before. I feel way behind my peers and I am extremely self-conscious about that. I don't know what the rules are when dating.

Winning a lottery is actually a high stress time, requiring management if possible.

I have developed a strong suspicion of good luck, because it has so often been followed by bad luck. There is also the usual fear of the unknown, and the disorientation of a changed situation, for better or worse. Perhaps a good idea is to assume that our luck will tend towards average, so it is OK to get used to better times.

"The bad old days, they came and went, giving way to fruitful years."
- Jethro Tull lyric

I have found change can be very stress provoking, even positive change can bring on bouts of terror and anxiety. You are not alone. maybe try to make small steps toward accepting that life can actually be ok. I know that from my past experiences I have an almost unshakable expectation that life is going to pull the rug out from under my feet at any time and people will see that I am not normal after all. sometimes we aspies have just as much trouble anticipating the future as anticipating social cues. its normal for you to be afraid. but you are a person with as much right to happiness as anyone else. It is ok to HOPE. HANG IN THERE