understanding my Aspie Partner

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Hi All

I would love if some people could give me some feedback and thoughts

My fiance and I have been together for about 7 years. 18 months ago we moved in together, and about 6 bought our first home.

One of the biggest issues I am having is making smart long term decisions about replacing/updating the home.

For example when we moved in the fridge was kindof dirty, moreso then she could handle and we replaced it even though it worked. She has also been having issues with the washer and dryer as they are dirty and she cannot use them. I have been doing her wash since we moved in but often times dry things that should not be dried and it upsets her. She feels pretty helpless as doing laundry has been a fairly routine task for her for years.

She would love to replace the washer and dryer like the fridge, but I feel we should invest in items we do not have or do not work rather then ones that are. The more I write the more I realize it is more important for her to get the new washer and dryer then it is for me to replace the fans or add lights to the basement, but what have some people found as the balance.

I love my fiance and I cannot wait to marry her, but I want to learn to better understand her so we can make good decisions both for her well being as well as being a home owner.

Any thoughts or words of wisdom would be great

You do know that you can buy cleaning products that will shine those appliances up until they look almost brand new, right?

It's not rational to replace something that's working just fine, when all you need to do is WASH IT OFF.

A rational idea would be to have a more serious discussion with her and not make her feel pressured to give you an answer that you will be happy with. She can make you happy later, focus on her first. Ask her what you can do to help her and listen to her. Hopefully she speaks up and gives you some feedback that can help. She is the key to understanding her better, I feel it would be fair to start with the communication. Avoid being critical as Aspies typically need affirmation that they are being heard and appreciated.

And I agree that Willard's idea is not a bad one. But if you can make her happy first with not drying stuff that she asked not to dry, then you can probably make the request not to replace something and hope that she listens to you.

i think that the problem is that you think that the woman should be the one who has to do household chores. maybe you should be the one who does that if she is not comfortable with doing them.

When I do dishes, I either want the kitchen spotless when I am done or I am unwilling to even begin.. not worth it. When I do laundry, I want to know that the clothing will be absolutely clean when done or it isn't even worth doing. I prefer to have a known set of achievable end results.

You can clean the appliances so that they look like new. You can put cleaners INTO them to make the insides as clean as the outside. New is not always better since it might contain a huge number of potential unknowns that might need to be addressed.